[ekburke]

to all the newcomers! I hope you find the support you need to begin the healing process.
This too was my first week with kids and the wore me out. I came home yesterday with a sore throat and a headache. Just my luck! I guess my immune system has taken a beating as of late.

I am gald to hear everyone is on the mend. Enjoy the long weekend!

Jamie, I really do not know anything about the testing...I just pray that you find comfort in your decision. It is so hard to have IF difficulties and then money too!

Much Love,
Erin

[historyteach]

JamieL - wow it is amazing that you have such a great outlook. i agree, the fact that you got pregnant on your own is amazing. good luck sweetie with your healing process and i pray that you get another little miracle soon!!!

claudia & jana - thanks for the advice on PGD, we have an appointment at the end of Sept with an RE to try to figure out why we are miscarrying, and i think that we will make our decision tghen. but what makes it so hard is that because our first miscarriage there was no genetic problems... so i guess we will wait and see

lisaG - that is awesome that your friend was so caring when she told you, but i understand about being surrounded by pregnant women. the one woman i eat lunch with is due two weeks after i would have been...i hope that you find some peace with the situation and we are always here if you need to vent.

erin - congrats on making it thru the first week... only 9 more months to go. i am so sorry that you are so stressed, good luck and i hope that the year gets easier

[ekburke]

Hi Girls,

I am having a rough day...do any of you obsess over what ifs...such as what if the next round doesn't work, what if I never have a child. I have come to terms with the loss, but aside from losing a child, I feel like I lost my hope. It comes and goes it waves, and when this hits, it paralyzes me. I figured you were the best people to talk to about this, because we are all in similar situations.

I know I got pregnant my first try and that makes me feel great, and my RE is optimistic, but I cannot shake this feeling. I am driving myself crazy!

I hope you all had a restful holiday weekend.

Much Love,
Erin

[historyteach]

Originally Posted by ekburke

Hi Girls,

I am having a rough day...do any of you obsess over what ifs...such as what if the next round doesn't work, what if I never have a child. I have come to terms with the loss, but aside from losing a child, I feel like I lost my hope. It comes and goes it waves, and when this hits, it paralyzes me. I figured you were the best people to talk to about this, because we are all in similar situations.

I know I got pregnant my first try and that makes me feel great, and my RE is optimistic, but I cannot shake this feeling. I am driving myself crazy!

I hope you all had a restful holiday weekend.

Much Love,
Erin

oh sweetie, i know exactly how you feel. the fact that i got pregnant, is amazing, i was stressing, do i even have eggs, will i ever get pregnant, etc. and now the idea that i will continue to miscarry breaks my heart. i think that it is normal to have those feelings and it is going to take some time to get thru all the heartache and i agree with you come, here and vent because we do understand.

i hope that your monday get better

[jana]

Erin, don't feel alone. I've have those thoughts all the time. I am constantly asking the question "why." One day I'm fine, and the next I'm wondering will I ever be a mom. It frustrates me to know that IVF is my only option. If it doesn't work, I have no chance of ever getting pregnant.........no tubes. That in itself depresses me daily. I am currently reading a book called The Infertility Cure. It talks about how acupuncture, diet, certain exercise, and herbs can help you correct your bodies issues. It might be good reading for you.....I'm really learning alot from it.

We are all here for you..........and ready to listen anytime you need us.

[chuchu]

Yes! I totally relate to what you are thinking and feeling. I agree with Jaime and Jana... We are here to help each other.

Here are some thoughts that help me in those anxiety (ifs) moments:

There is a 50% chance of BFP and 50% change of BFN in every IVF cycle.
If I don't try again I am going to loose that 50% chance of getting pregnant.

Now about m/c, that is chapter #2. I was just cleaning the house and was thinking about the possibility of losing again. For that right now I don't have an answer. I need more data (auto-inmune testing).

These thoughts and state of mind are the ones that made me decide to wait some months. Time will help me healing emotionally.

Physically, I thought AF was showing up yesterday (a tiny spotting), but NADA. I will call RE tomorrow.

I hope you are all having a great Labor Day!

Love!

[ekburke]

Thanks Girls...I really do appreciate your support and guidance.

I hope that each of you are doing well and on the mend. Physically I have never felt better. I should be Oing in the next few days and then 2 weeks until I can start BC! YEAH!

I guess I kind of feel removed from trying because I have not been to my RE in 3 weeks. I love going there as it to me is progress!

Have a great night!

[historyteach]

erin - good luck with week two, i hope that it goes great. and i hope that things go well for you emotionally, i know the stress of the job has made some of the things i have been going thru a little bit more difficult. but that is awesome that you are going to be trying again. i think that we will be pretty close with our cycle, my retrieval is tentatively scheduled for oct 22, it seems so far away some days but others it is like dang, i need to order my meds, get my mind in the right place, etc.

anyway, i hope that everyone is having a peaceful day and that your wounds are healing

[chuchu]

Jaime, great news!! You have a possible timeline!! Cheers!!

[LisaG620]

Hi girls. I hope that everyone had a great long weekend!

Erin...I feel like that all time. My biggest worry is that I used up my good luck getting preggo the first time on IVF but then miscarried. I am so worried that next time won't work. Our insurance will only cover one more time and then it's out of pocket

Jamie...I bet you are so excited that you are moving forward. Question- how do you handle IVF while teaching? We decided to do it over the summer obviously because I was off. Now that we need to do it again, there is no way that I am waiting until next summer. I am worried that I will be moody and not feeling myself around the kids. Not to mention, the numerous RE visits.

Claudia...Did you get AF yet? Isn't it weird how we spend most of our lives dreading AF coming and now that we are IVF we can't wait for it to come?

As for me - I think I started AF today. It is so hard to tell because I have been spotting everyday since the beginning of August. I had cramps today however, and the bleeding was a bit heavier. Last Thursday my beta was 24 so I think I should be down to 0 by now. My nurse said I can expect AF when I hit 0. Because of the shot of methotrxate we are not allowed to try again for 3 months, so it looks like we may be looking at a Nov./ Dec. cycle. I already can't wait...I don't know how I am going to make it so long.

[chuchu]

AF is NOT here!!! I will call RE's office tomorrow morning. I am just having tiny spotting (almost nothing).

[jana]

I got an email from my sister today, and I'm not too sure how to take it. She tells me that she loves me first off, and then proceeds to tell me that the last time she talked to me she could sense my sadness and bitterness toward others. She then says that they are all trying to support me the best they can. I really don't feel bitter, just sad. I'm trying to replay the last conversation we had, but I don't remember anything significant from it. Her email really made me upset and feel like I'm not acting appropriately.

Hope you all had a great day!

[LisaG620]

Jana...I wouldn't worry about it. Nobody knows what we go though unless they have been through it themselves. I have had many people tell me at times throughout this whole process that I don't seem like myself, and sometimes it is true. I am normally very happy and carefree, probably one of the least stressed people that you will ever meet, but I have certainly had my days where that is not true lately! Honestly, I don't think it is anybody's business to say that, but I have learned that there are a lot of ignorant people out there when it comes to IF and I just try to educate them about what I am going through. If you were having a bad day, so be it. We all have them!!

[futuremom2b]

Jana,
I agree with Lisa, I bet your sister is just missing "you", what we go through with IVF alone is hard, much less the M/C, I haven't wanted to post, or see anyone. People didn't even know we did FET so we didn't tell them about the M/C as well, so they have no idea why I am so sad and lost.

Sorry to come into your group, but just feel like I am living in a big blur ~ When do you start feeling hopeful again?

[ekburke]

Welcome Dre...you are always welcome!

I too have been sadder lately and am not sure why. I guess we are getting so far removed from our tragedies that we are beginning to forget the joy when we got our BFP's!

Hope you are all healing...

Claudia...any signs of AF

Jana, I have learned not to read into the tone of an email. Maybe she is feeling that she cannot help you and is wondering what she can do? Just a thought!