[larmi4]

My wife and I found out we were pregnant three days before Christmas and lost the baby on New Year's day. At first she was slightly withdrawn and wanted to be left alone, so I did that, but it has been over three months and she continues to be withdrawn from me, her family, and her friends.

I don't know what else I can do to help her, I feel she is trying to run from the loss and feel like its time I make her face the issue. I've tried to be patient, listen, and support her, but nothing has worked.


Now I doubt many guys are on here, but, I would like to here a guy's opinion as to what I can do to support her, but I would also like to hear from women as to how they were able to deal with the loss and continue their lives as they were before.

Thank You in advance

[HorseyLover]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Having a m/c is so devastating - as you can see from my siggy I had one last year. My DH is not a member of the forum, but I'll ask him if he has any advice.

[DRB]

Originally Posted by larmi4

My wife and I found out we were pregnant three days before Christmas and lost the baby on New Year's day. At first she was slightly withdrawn and wanted to be left alone, so I did that, but it has been over three months and she continues to be withdrawn from me, her family, and her friends.

I don't know what else I can do to help her, I feel she is trying to run from the loss and feel like its time I make her face the issue. I've tried to be patient, listen, and support her, but nothing has worked.


Now I doubt many guys are on here, but, I would like to here a guy's opinion as to what I can do to support her, but I would also like to hear from women as to how they were able to deal with the loss and continue their lives as they were before.

Thank You in advance

I am so sorry for your loss. We have some fresh wound still but I can tell you my first couple of weeks were rough. I could barely get out bed, cried 9-10 times a day. Not my cheerful self in the least. Its a grieving process, my concern though she is still in it. Her withdrawl is going on too long IMO. I am in the healthcare field and she may be clinically depressed. She has alot of the symptoms. Have you mentioned that "both of you" should maybe go talk to someone.? My husband was very understanding, gave lots of hugs, and planned a trip. Once all the pregnancy hormones left I felt not as mentally unstable. HOPE is what seems to be our medicine and look forward to hopefully this working out eventually. Are you guys moving forward to get pregnant again, or was this it?

Good Luck
Denise

[daisy2006]

Dealing w/ a loss is very difficult. It seemed as if my husband got over the loss much sooner that I did. Although we will never be completely over it, we got better. At first, he gave me lots of support just by being there to listen, give me hugs, and basically do anything he could to make things easier, even though he was hurting as well. Then, it seemed like he got over it, and I was still very depressed. Over the last few weeks have argued nonstop about this. He thinks I should be over it, and move on. It was very difficult for me to accept this and I thought that he just didn't understand what I was going through. This caused me to resent him and push him away. I was angry for so many reasons. I have come to realize that he is upset b/c he cannot make this better for me.

I have my ups and downs, but I am feeling much better. I definitely think that she is going through a depression that someone needs to help her out of. I lost 3 babies at 19wks and had to go through labor and delivery. It was tough to go through a loss like that , but I am getting better everyday. My husband actually took the initiative to get us scheduled for counciling. I wasn't thrilled at first, but I am going. Our first appointment is tommorow.

I definitely think you need to get her some help. It seems like she is in a major depression. If you can't get through to her, maybe a close friend or relative can. I seemed to listen to them more than my husband, just b/c it's a fresh prospective. It also helped to talk to someone who experienced a loss as well.

I wish you luck and I am sorry for your loss. I sure it will happen again. I need to keep myself thinking that it will happen for us again, and that helps me move on.

[girl99]

I'm so sorry for your loss, my DH and I went through the same thing and it does take a long time to heal.

Is she withdrawn all the time or just sometimes? The reason I ask is around the time of my AF (period) I would be crying for a whole week and avoiding people - as it was a constant reminder of what I'd lost. But then I'd have 3 weeks where I was a bit more human. If it's all the time, I agree with the others, you should definately seek help.

The pain gradually goes away, but my main suggestions would be don't push her, she'll only get over it in her own time, having someone tell you to get over it won't help. Don't say things that might trivialise what she's going through in an attempt to make her feel better (e.g. don't worry, we'll get pregnant again, or it wasn't meant to be)... this used to upset me even more... she's probably not just mourning no longer being pregnant, but mourning that particular baby.

I really hope your wife finds some peace, my thoughts are with you both in this difficult time.