[lml422]

I just had a D&C for a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago (baby stopped growing at 9.5 weeks, D&C at 11 weeks) and today I find out my sister-in-law is 9 weeks pregnant. I want to be able to be happy for other people but I feel like my losses are turning me into a horrible person that doesn't want anyone to have what I can't. How can you be happy for someone you love when your heart is shattered into a million tiny pieces and they have exactly what you want? I just feel like things are going right for everyone around me and everything goes wrong for me.

[robynanne]

I know how hard it can be. Last year a family member got pregnant right around the time that I had a chemical pregnancy. I had always struggled with getting pregnant so it was a big deal to me. Not only did she not even acknowledge it, everything for the next 9 months was...
my baby does not like red meat, my baby this... my baby that. I thought it was very insensitive and to this day our relationship has changed.

I also get tired of people telling me that I will have a healthy baby and asking me if I will get mad if they get pregnant before me. That really makes me angry. I do not hate pregnant people, I just ask that my family and friends show sensitivity.

[Danielle]

I'm sorry about your loss. Its hard to deal with families or friends around us who are expecting while our heart still ache for our loss ones. I hate it when they rub it all over my face about their pregnancy and all the "baby" talk. This year, my sis-n-law, 2 cousins, an aunt, and 3 friends are pregnant and its hard for me to be happy when I'm still trying to heal. No one will ever know the pain we're going through but ourselves. But keep your head up high and know that the Lord will bless us.

[knm7654]

I feel exactly the same as you and very guilty for it. Since my ordeal continues (see sig) I am surrounded by friends and family who are finding out they are pregnant. I don't like feeling this way and pray about it.
BTW I have read your story on another thread and am heartbroken for you. I pray to get pregnant again but only if I can maintain a healthy pregnancy until we get a healthy baby. Not sure that I can handle another loss emotionally and I think if we lost another we would be done.
That is our reality but I'm not sure how I feel about closing the book yet?
Although, we are much older than you. Hang in there, I believe it will happen for you but know exactly how you are feeling. The only thing I can say is continue to pray about it.

[Koshveily]

You can't love with a broken heart. Tell your loved one that you know how much this means to her and that you love her but also give yourself time to heal and let her know that you need that time. Any decent human being would be able to understand and would support your honesty and feelings. In time, it will be easier to truly be happy for someone else.

If it helps, try imagining the roles were reversed... how would you want her to approach you? You would want her to be happy for you and support you but you would understand that she just suffered a loss and you needed to be sensitive... I'm certain she's going to see it the same way.

I'm so sorry for your hurt... it's never easy to say goodbye to a baby. Good luck to you... and many prayers for healing and perseverance.

[fahriz]

I've been through this same phase and still am...where everyone around u is getting pregnant but u. Our wedding was the first out of many cousins which happened during the same year. All of them have 2 kids each while we r still struggling to have one.

Finally i got pregnant just before my sister in laws wedding and lost the baby a week before the wedding which was last year. Now this year my sister in law herself has given birth to a baby..... I wanted to bang my head on a wall and cry till i went blind. Then i realized how much this had changed me. I was not like this before and it's not normal of me to feel jealous of someone else.
I was happy for her but as her tummy kept growing and making it's presence i felt so depressed. And i felt bad for feeling that way. Everyone has the right to be happy. Hope we will too. It's never easy....

[Ruthlus12]

but I just cannot help it. Finally, a pregnancy after 4.5 years of trying and we miscarry. Yesterday I find out that my cousin who is 6 years younger than me is pregnant. My husband's cousin who knew we were having a IUI and said that her husband did not want children popped up pregnant a week after my miscarriage (just over a month after she said her husband did not want children).

People that started TTC the same time as me and my husband are already having #2 and #3.

We are out of money and I am out of energy right now. I hate crying when I find out others are pregnant but what is a girl supposed to do? That is how I feel.

I thought that I was "over" the rough part of the M/C but yesterday and today have been very difficult.

Thanks for listening.

[mommytoangeleden]

I just lost my daughter after 21 weeks of pregnancy. I was pregnant with two of my cousins. One was due in Dec. I was due in Jan. and the other due in Feb. My husband and I also struggled to concieve our daughter it took seven years.

I have struggled with the same thing. But I have asked God for peace. Still talk to the people who are pregnant and cry when you have to. But let the bitterness go. We want to be blessed by God. Like I said be sad if you have to, but ask God to give you peace and He will. He gave it to me. I just think about how I want others to treat me when I do get pregnant again. It is hard at times, but I am still happy for them and would not wish this pain on anyone else.

Keep pressing forward.

[MrsM]

I lost my baby boy 6 weeks ago at 18 weeks. My neighbor brought her new baby boy home the week after, people I work with are pregnant and have similar due dates as I did. So I know how all of you are feeling...it is really tough and it just seems cruel that we have to deal with this after already dealing with so much pain and heartache. It seems like every where you turn, someone else is getting pregnant and we have lost babies or just can't get pregnant.

I thought a lot about that when we lost our child, how I could come back to work knowing this would be facing me. I just kept telling myself, I was so happy for them before, so don't let that change. It will only make me feel worse and I want them to be excited and happy for me when we are blessed again.

It's not easy, I want to cry every time I see their babies or their growing bellies. But I am trying to stay focused on having the baby we dream of, it doesn't change what happened, but if we don't let go of anger or bitterness, we can not hold on to HOPE.....