[MrsM]

Hello ladies - I lost my precious son on 10/2 due to preterm premature rupture of membranes. My water broke the night before and I was rushed admitted to the hospital. It wasn't just a trickle, I gushed and gushed for a long time. The baby was still alive, but there was very little amniotic fluid and no chance to replenish. I had to deliver the next day. My cervix was not dilated, so we know it was not due to incompetent cervix. Of course it was hard physically, but I was so focused on what I had to do that I was able to get through it without breaking down. We were able to spend time with our baby, name him, baptize him, and we have a memory box with his little hat, gown, blanket, foot and handprints, pictures, etc. At first I didn't think I would be able to deal with that, but it was the most comforting part of the whole experience.
Starting the next morning and ever since, I just cry and cry most of the time. Right now no one can explain why this happened. I started out with a twin pregnancy after IUI, lost one twin at 11 weeks with no complications. They are doing testing on the baby and placenta, so we are hopeful to have an answer rather than just a statistic of "less than 1%" chance of this happening at 18 weeks. My OB did say that this is not a typical recurring issue, and I should be able to start trying once my cycle starts.

I am constantly crying, I just feel so needy and clingy to my husband and just so empty (thankfully my doctor said I can stay out of work as long as I need and my husband works from home so it's a great comfort). While we are grieving the loss or our child, we are both determined to try again. I just turned 40 so that is making me feel even more anxious.

I am just hoping to find other ladies who have experienced this, and wondering if you ever got an answer why, and if you were able to conceive again successfully. Right now I just feel like my heart is broken and that I will never feel the same, but I know time will help ease that.

[sunny72]

I am so sorry for your loss. You sound very brave and strong. I can't imagine the pain you much be experiencing.

[CaribbeanQueen]

Mrs M--I am so deeply sorry for your loss. There really aren't any words. After my early m/c in the fall of '07, I found the blog of a woman who was expecting twins through IVF. She subsequently lost them at 23 weeks due to placental abruption. She now has a has a healthy son. Her site is helpful and supportive, not only from her own experience, but from others who have lost babies as well:

Busted Babymaker

My best thoughts are with you,

Leigh

[Danielle]

My dear MrsM. First of all, . If I can, I'll give you a BIGGEST hug in person. I'm so sorry! I know that what I say will not heal the wound in your heart, but know that I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to, share thoughts, feelings and memories of your baby. We'll cry together. Cry when you need to because I know your tears are helping you grieve. Its been a month since I lost my twins and I'm still crying myself to sleep. I think of them every single day and the tears never stop.
I'm so glad you and DH are considering trying again. Take time to heal as you prepare for another baby. DH and I won't stop until we bring home a child of our own as well. I will endure all the pain that I have to just to hold my baby in my arms. That's how powerful a mothers love for her child is. I hope this message finds you well. I'm thinking of you and crying for you. Losing a baby is the hardest thing someone ever have to survive. We can heal but will never forget.
Love you and praying for you!

[bunniswife]

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. There is no pain on this earth equal to that of losing a child. I hope you find some answers if you think it might give you some peace. I know when our son died, my husband and I became very close, we shared a pain no one else could understand unless they too had lost a child. I would strongly encourage getting some sort of support whether it be grief counselling or finding a group that can help you navigate your way through this journey of grief and healing. Sending you hugs and love....

[CNYCPL]

I am so sorry. After the loss of our twins last year (ruptured sac as well with no answer to why) we went to some grief counseling. It helped just to know we are not alone and we got to talk about our sons and say their names out loud which helped. We tried again and in June we were blessed with a wondeful son.

[MrsM]

Originally Posted by CNYCPL

I am so sorry. After the loss of our twins last year (ruptured sac as well with no answer to why) we went to some grief counseling. It helped just to know we are not alone and we got to talk about our sons and say their names out loud which helped. We tried again and in June we were blessed with a wondeful son.

CNYCPL - I am so sorry for your loss. But how wonderful you were able to have a son so soon after! I only hope we will also be blessed. You mentioned they didn't find a cause, did your RE or OB do anything different during your next pregnancy to monitor you?

[CNYCPL]

MrsM- This time around I had bi weekly U/S to make sure the cervix was long and closed, I had a weekly progesterone shot to reduce any preterm labor and had bi weekly fetal fiber nectin tests. Those test for any signs labor. I was still very worried the whole time but having so many drs visits I felt positive if anything was to happen they would be able to find out. No trouble this pregnancy, he was born 7 weeks early only because I had preeclampsia.

[tracilynn]

I'm so sorry you lost your precious baby.
My water broke in my first pregnancy at 35 weeks while I was asleep. I had no contractions & no dilation. Since it happened later in pregnancy my daughter was fine but there was still no reason for it. They thought I may have gotten some kind of viral infection. For my 2nd pregnancy My OB wanted me to take weekly P17 shots from weeks 16-36. There is research it helps prevent premature rupture of membranes. My water didn't break in that pregnancy until I was in active labor at 38 weeks and after lots of contractions. Maybe you can talk to your OB about it. I hope you get sOme answers from your testing too. Hugs to you

[Mom2MandyandTristan]

I am so sorry for your loss!!

I lost a baby girl (Madison) at 17 weeks. I don't talk about her much because 3 years later and almost 2 kids later it still hurts. I did have an IC so I know why it happened but doesn't make it easier (but understandable if that makes sense). We really didn't plan on starting again right away, we were just gonna plan our wedding and then see what happens from there. Surprise 3 months later we were pregnant again. With the help of a new OB and MFM we delivered my son at 37 weeks (after a cerclage and a terbutaline pump for 15 weeks) and we are now expecting again (with the cerclage but knock on wood so far no terbutaline).

I had several m/cs before Madison and we only once did any testing on the tissue (didn't like D&C) and having answers did make the process a little easier (not much but at least we knew why). Hopefully you will get some answers that can help you heal and may things turn out much differently next time.

[ButterflyWingsx4]

Gentle Hugs. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
We as loss mommies will never forget our angels.
I also have a memory box with clothes, footprints, blankets and a teddy bear. I lost twins at 21wks. A boy and Girl. Our girl lived for 5hrs while our boy 1.5hr. The time spent with them was one of the most heart wrenching times, but a special time.

I want to say, cry as much as you need to. Move on your time not when people tell you. Its gonna be a slow process, to heal. The pain gets less, but it will always be there. Some days harder than others.

--children mentioned--

After the loss of my twins we cycled 6mon later and got pregnant with twins again. with a cerclage and bedrest starting at 13wk untill 32wk. I delivered my 2nd set of twins at 34wk 4day. They are now 17mon old.

I pray you have the strength to go on and have a successful pregnancy and that you will be able to hold your new rainbow child again.

[Carolee]

Hey Mrs. M.. First let me say that I understand. I am exactly where you are right now. I was pregnant with twins and the membrane ruptured around my son at 18 weeks. I was on semi bedrest until I had him almost two weeks later at 19w5d. I was told that it was a 90% chance that I would deliver his sister within 48 hours. We beat the odds and I went home four days later only to have my water break with her and deliver at 20w4d. I have no clue why this happened either. I am hoping at my appt next week I'll get answers. They initially said possible infection. I can relate to the crying daily because not only do I cry daily, its **** near all day with no warning. I've gone back work this week hoping it will serve as a distraction but no cigar. My children are constantly in my thoughts. I cant tell you how to get over it because I don't know how to handle it myself. Just wanted you to know that your not alone because I know one thing i have been experiencing is this extreme lonliness/void. My prayers are with you.

[MrsM]

Originally Posted by Carolee

Hey Mrs. M.. First let me say that I understand. I am exactly where you are right now. I was pregnant with twins and the membrane ruptured around my son at 18 weeks. I was on semi bedrest until I had him almost two weeks later at 19w5d. I was told that it was a 90% chance that I would deliver his sister within 48 hours. We beat the odds and I went home four days later only to have my water break with her and deliver at 20w4d. I have no clue why this happened either. I am hoping at my appt next week I'll get answers. They initially said possible infection. I can relate to the crying daily because not only do I cry daily, its **** near all day with no warning. I've gone back work this week hoping it will serve as a distraction but no cigar. My children are constantly in my thoughts. I cant tell you how to get over it because I don't know how to handle it myself. Just wanted you to know that your not alone because I know one thing i have been experiencing is this extreme lonliness/void. My prayers are with you.

Carolee - First, I am so so sorry about your loss. I truly feel your pain. It is just going to take time, and patience to get back to some kind of normalcy, whatever that might be. I too have not gotten any answers at this point. I do know that the placenta did not have an infection, and my OB says that at this point she would blame the loss of the first twin on the rupture, but we may never really know. I miss my son every minute of every day, I miss being pregnant, and feeling him inside me. I just hope I can find peace at some point, and that my husband and I can move forward and have the family we want so badly. Just stay healthy, have faith and hopefully we will both be blessed again in the future. We will get through this, although right now it doesn't seem like it.

[Czech_Girl]

Mrs. M: I lost twin girls at 20 weeks 6 days. One of my girls had IUGR that was discovered at my 20 week u/s. I was put on immediate bed rest. No one told me that I was at risk to deliver early. They told me I needed the bed rest so she could try to catch-up with her sister. Well, 3 days later I was in the hospital in labor that they couldn't stop. Both were born alive but passed away shortly after delivery. It was the most painful day of my life. After delivery, the OB, at my request, ordered placental testing, labs, etc. My OB never could really explain to me what happened at my postpartum visit. At one point, he told me the smaller baby had Down's, even though testing ruled that out. I never returned to see him or his office after that visit.

During my 2nd pregnancy w/my son, I self-referred to a perinatologist. I forwarded all my previous prenatal records and all of the testing that was done from my twins. He carefully reviewed it all and told me that my baby girl's placenta stopped developing and that was why she stopped growing. He said normally pregnancies like mine go on to deliver the other twin without problem. But I fell into the 1-3% of people who lose the entire pregnancy. He was the first person to actually sit and answer my questions and give me real answers. He carefully monitored my pregnancy and I had monthly ultrasounds. He was amazing throughout my entire pregnancy, which was 100% normal the 2nd time around.

Just like you, I cried for days/months after I lost my daughters. I understand your pain. The one thing I will say is that I waited 6 months before trying again. I needed the time to grieve and heal physically and emotionally. You will know when you're ready to move forward whether that be in a few months or longer. Take you time and surround yourself with people who love and care about you - it will help you to heal.

[MrsM]

Originally Posted by Czech_Girl

Mrs. M: I lost twin girls at 20 weeks 6 days. One of my girls had IUGR that was discovered at my 20 week u/s. I was put on immediate bed rest. No one told me that I was at risk to deliver early. They told me I needed the bed rest so she could try to catch-up with her sister. Well, 3 days later I was in the hospital in labor that they couldn't stop. Both were born alive but passed away shortly after delivery. It was the most painful day of my life. After delivery, the OB, at my request, ordered placental testing, labs, etc. My OB never could really explain to me what happened at my postpartum visit. At one point, he told me the smaller baby had Down's, even though testing ruled that out. I never returned to see him or his office after that visit.

During my 2nd pregnancy w/my son, I self-referred to a perinatologist. I forwarded all my previous prenatal records and all of the testing that was done from my twins. He carefully reviewed it all and told me that my baby girl's placenta stopped developing and that was why she stopped growing. He said normally pregnancies like mine go on to deliver the other twin without problem. But I fell into the 1-3% of people who lose the entire pregnancy. He was the first person to actually sit and answer my questions and give me real answers. He carefully monitored my pregnancy and I had monthly ultrasounds. He was amazing throughout my entire pregnancy, which was 100% normal the 2nd time around.

Just like you, I cried for days/months after I lost my daughters. I understand your pain. The one thing I will say is that I waited 6 months before trying again. I needed the time to grieve and heal physically and emotionally. You will know when you're ready to move forward whether that be in a few months or longer. Take you time and surround yourself with people who love and care about you - it will help you to heal.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I too was told after the loss of the twin at my 12 week u/s that most pregnancies go on normally. It's so hard to feel like a statistic, and in that "1-3%" category. I know there was nothing I or my dr's could have done to predict or prevent this from happening, which makes it all the more frustrating.
I just turned 40, so while my dr's say "you are still young", I know that the risks of miscarriage and chromosonal problems aren't going to decrease, which is why we are anxious to try again when we can. As the days go by I don't feel like I am in such a panic about being pregnant again, just want to look forward to the hope we will be blessed and feel that we are being pro-active in the effort. Thanks again, and I am so sorry for your losses.