[Peabody1]

I went for my first prenatal visit today at 10 weeks and when my OB went to listen to the heartbeats she could not hear anything so she sent me for an ultrasound. The u/s took forever it seems and the resident was pretty hush hush about everything. When I asked him if something was wrong he snapped at me and said he would talk to me when it was over. I knew right then that something was wrong. After he was done he told me that there was no fetal activity in any of the 3 sacs. I knew that we'd lost the 1 a few weeks ago. I just feel so lost and upset. I don't know where to begin to try to wrap my mind around this. When I called the nurse at the RE's office she said she was sorry and told me to follow the advice of my OB and wait for her to release me back to them. She then said something to the effect of "well you have frozen embryos left". WTF. I don't know if that was supposed to make me feel any better, but I just found out that I lost my babies. If someone had 3 living kids and something happened to one of them you wouldn't tell them to be happy they still have 2 other kids.

I just don't know what to do at this point or what to expect. This was a total shock to us. I had no cramping, no bleeding, nothing. I would like to try again, but I am 38 and I just don't know if I can do this again. All the worrying, the testing and the possible disappointments. I am just feeling really lost right now. If I do decide to try again does anyone know how long I would have to wait to do another FET?

[MrsM]

Peabody1 - I am so so sorry for your loss. That is just devastating. I feel your pain, as having recently lost twins, one at a little over 11 weeks, the other at 18 that I delivered due to PPROM. The first one I had no signs either, it was a missed miscarriage.

I am so sad for you that you had to deal with insensitive people as well during this painful and stressful time.

I don't know about the timing of a FET, hopefully someone else can help answer that.

Right now you will grieve for the loss, and will need to work with your doctors on how to move forward. It will take time to recover, and you can talk to your RE about next steps. It is a lot to take in at once.

I am so sorry, but don't give up hope.

[Peabody1]

Thank you MrsM and I am very sorry for your loss as well.

I just never thought that having a baby would be this hard and somehow I guess naively I thought that getting pregnant would be the hardest part. I hope I am able to heal and move forward.

[FurBaby]

Peabody I'm so sorry for you loss. I'm sure there are no words that could comfort you right now. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

I hope you are able to try again soon for your dream family.

[Kay]

Oh Peabody my heart is so heavy for you right now. I am also sorry you had to deal with insensitive people regarding this. You have experienced a great loss and it will take time for your body and your heart to heal. I undertand that is seems daunting to think about trying again.... I have been there! I pray for you that you gain peace and strength over time and that you are able to move into another cycle eventually. I pray that you do have a baby! I am 42 and I know it is hard, but there is victory for this fight.... I pray that for you as well!
Kay

[Peabody1]

Sandy- Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated.

Kay-Thank you as well for your kind words. I have been dealing with so much this cycle and I hope that I am able to heal and move into another cycle. I was talking to my mom and she was understandably so upset as well, but she just kept telling me to have faith. I will admit that this loss has really tested my faith, but I am going to be strong.

[Godiva4me]

Peabody- Oh, how sad and sorry I was to read your post! Please take all the time you need to first deal with your loss and then regroup and decide about FET. I hate to ask, but since you asked about FET, I'll ask.... are you going to have a D&C or wait to m/c naturally? The reason I am asking is that may depend on how fast you can FET if that is what you want to do is move ahead quickly. I m/c naturally in May and then it took til almost the end of July for beta to drop and then get AF.
TOY and DH! Please take time for you and then make any decisions you need to make! KUP (HUGS)

[CNYCPL]

I am so sorry for you loss. Take the time to grieve and heal. You will know when the time is right to move forward as everyone is different.

[ara79]

Oh I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious babies. I pray that you find some comfort and that you can begin to heal, a little at a time. Take time to grieve. I am not sure how long it takes to do FET again. I think it depends on how high your hcg levels are and how fast they begin to drop. I am so sorry. There are no words, but please don't feel alone. There are so many of us here that have lost a pregnancy, and we're all here for you.

[Peabody1]

Godiva- Thank you for all the support you have given not just right now, but throughout the september cycle. I want to do a D&C and I hope this doesn't sound terrible or make me feel like a bad person, but I just don't feel right knowing that baby is still in there. I feel like I need closure. I am sorry you had to go through this as well.

Thank you ladies for your support. Today I just didn't even want to get out of bed. I can't stand not knowing anything. I haven't even talked to my doctor yet since my exam was last one of the day and by the time it was finished all of the offices were closed.

[Godiva4me]

Peabody- No need to thank me, we are all here to support each other through every part of the journey. I am glad you felt supported by me! It sure doesn't make you a bad person to have the D&C. It was not recommended for me due to some other medical issues, otherwise, I probably would have pushed for it too, to have closure. Please call your office EARLY on Monday, or for that fact, leave a msg. with the after hours # and have someone call you back. They shouldn't have just left you hanging... this makes me so pis*ed off!!! They should have said well, the Dr. does surgery on Wed., we'll put you on the calendar, or something. I know this is cliche, but time does lessen the pain, but you will never forget the loss. Hang in there honey! Who knows, maybe I'll be lucky enough to be able to cycle with you again!

[Peabody1]

Originally Posted by Godiva4me

Peabody- No need to thank me, we are all here to support each other through every part of the journey. I am glad you felt supported by me! It sure doesn't make you a bad person to have the D&C. It was not recommended for me due to some other medical issues, otherwise, I probably would have pushed for it too, to have closure. Please call your office EARLY on Monday, or for that fact, leave a msg. with the after hours # and have someone call you back. They shouldn't have just left you hanging... this makes me so pis*ed off!!! They should have said well, the Dr. does surgery on Wed., we'll put you on the calendar, or something. I know this is cliche, but time does lessen the pain, but you will never forget the loss. Hang in there honey! Who knows, maybe I'll be lucky enough to be able to cycle with you again!

I spoke to the on call doctor about an hour ago. She told me to stop the progesterone (which I'd already done) and to call on Monday to follow up with my regular doctor. She just told me what I already knew--that I may start to pass the products of conception naturally or may need a d&c. I will be looking for another doctor for certain.

[Kay]

Originally Posted by Peabody1

Godiva- Thank you for all the support you have given not just right now, but throughout the september cycle. I want to do a D&C and I hope this doesn't sound terrible or make me feel like a bad person, but I just don't feel right knowing that baby is still in there. I feel like I need closure. I am sorry you had to go through this as well.

Thank you ladies for your support. Today I just didn't even want to get out of bed. I can't stand not knowing anything. I haven't even talked to my doctor yet since my exam was last one of the day and by the time it was finished all of the offices were closed.

Peabody- Never think doing what you believe is best makes you a bad person!! I totally understand your need for closure! ONLY you know what is best for you. You are a wonderful person in a very sad and trying time..... take care of you and don't worry about anything else right now. Feeling for you hon and wishing I could take some pain away.
Kay

[Brightlite]

Hi Peabody,

I totally understand what you going through as I miscarried last week too. I was so strong last week, then this weekend I broke down at my mothers B-day party uhhhh.

I too am 38 turning 39 in Jan/2010 and got really depressed thinking I might never be able to have a child and was mad at myself for leaving so late in life. I just assumed it would have happened right away as it did for all the other women in my family. My husband and I have been trying for over 3yrs and were married late.....This was out second ICSI temp, first resulted in a over stimulation & BFN.

To top it off my husband is an only child from a European family and I know they're sooo disappointed as this was our second attempt. It makes me feel bad that I can't give them a grandchild. They always talks about their friends and how their children are having babies and how cute they all are...It puts so much pressure on me.

The fertility issues are now causing stress on my marriage and I feel like it's consumming all of our thoughts and energy. I must pull myself out of this depression.

We need to be strong and try again, time will tell the outcome, but I'm not giving up without a fight.....
Hang in there-my thoughts are with you!

[bunniswife]

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your losses. How devastating for you. It breaks my heart when I hear of insensitive treatment from the medical community regarding early loss. To them, your babies may just be "the fetus", but to us, our babies are our children, our hopes and dreams and love all packed into that little tiny being. Many of us have unfortunately been down this difficult road ourselves. My inbox is open if you need to talk. Hugging you