[Frustrated_N_IL]

I have a posting under Infertility, but today I found out that I will have to terminate my pregnancy. In February we had a miscarriage and had been trying for about 8 months now. We were sent to an infertility specialist..but in the mean time we must have gotten pregnant on our own.
My HCG level wasn't going up like the doctor wanted and today we found out that I will have to terminate. People keep telling me its going to be ok and theres a good chance I will get pregnant again because I am only 25..but you know what..I wish they would f*ck off. Excuse my language. I'm just so mad!! I have friends who are having kids left and right and my sister has a boy who she doesn't even have custody of...my cousin has 2 boys... I want a baby so bad and whenever I see a baby in a stroller or a commercial my eyes just swell up and I have to excuse myself from the room. Its just worse right now because I have pregnant hormones in my body, but I won't get to experience anything with it. I am currently at 6 weeks, but because my level is so low..I won't get to see anything on the ultrasound. I wish I could have atleast seen a picture. This is like murder. I have to terminate my own baby with medicine. I want to dig a hole and lay down in it.

[Danielle]

Christina,

First of all, I'm deeply sorry to hear about your loss. I experienced a loss of twins 2 months ago @ 15 weeks and I know that gut feeling when people say, "You're still young and it will happen." (I'm 24 yrs.) Believe me, I've heard some of the worse saying since my loss and one of the worse is, "Oh, your babies must have taken the wrong path and has returned to their rightful parents". HOW AWFUL IS THAT?!?!?! I'm Asian and a lot of time, the older Asian folks believe in myths and stupid superstitious. I know the feeling of seeing people who don't deserve to be responsible parents popping babies left and right. This month alone, 2 of my friends are pregnant as well as my sis-n-law and cousin is pregnant. It breaks my heart when they chatter about their pregnancy. I wish i can be happy for them but how can i? I fake a smile day by day but it kills me inside.

Please know that you are not alone. This forum is great with support and you'll find wonderful ladies who have experienced it all. We are here to support one another to tell our stories, reminisce about our babies and cry together. Nothing I say will take your heartaches away, so cry when you need to because I know crying helps ease the pain a little.

[fahriz]

Been through this same thing and it hurts like hell. I lost my first lil one at 10 weeks...it was a mole but still it was mine even for that brief moment. If i could feel so much for a lifeless clump of flesh then i can just imagine how u guys must be feeling.....
We will all have our BFP's very soon. Let's keep hoping....that's all we can do.

[fahriz]

Been through this same thing and it hurts like hell. I lost my first lil one at 10 weeks...it was a mole but still it was mine even for that brief moment. If i could feel so much for a lifeless clump of flesh then i can just imagine how u guys must be feeling.....
We will all have our BFP's very soon. Let's keep hoping....that's all we can do.

[Peabody1]

I am very sorry for your loss. I know my saying that doesn't make it any easier. I just found out we lost ours last Friday and I will be going for a d&c on Thursday. This is such a horrible feeling. Like you, I have a sister who is not even raising her son as well. It makes me so upset. I prayed so much for this pregnancy and then I watched as my prayers went unanswered time and time again. I started out with triplets in September and here I type this knowing that out of 3 babies I will end up with nothing. I am bitter to say the least. I am considerably older than the rest of you, but nevertheless I have heard my fair share of stupid comments. My tubes are blocked so the only way I have to conceive is IVF. I feel like it is just obstacle after obstacle.

[isabella]

Christina,
It’s hard and unfair! We have to have faith that our time will come. You WILL have your day to be a wonderful mommy.

[Sams79]

christina, I'm so sorry for your loss and I understand. I think I may have responded to your post on another board, but I'm not positive. either way, please know my thoughts n prayers are with u. I found my hcg level is 68 but my progesterone level is at 3... not very optimistic n from the cramping and bleeding I have, we're pretty positive I'm miscarrying. I know how it just sucks to see everyone around you pregnant around u (my best friend has 4 kids... and she planned on stopping at 2), and it seems like every tv show has someone pregnant or is talking about babies. I'm so glad this forum exists and we have women on here to turn to. and I wish if people didn't know what to say, they wouldn't say anything instead of coming up with something that has no thought or true feelings with it. I'm sorry, I don't mean to go off about me, I just want u to hear that people out there understand and we're thinking of u. I'm in IL and I think I'm going to look into finding a support group somewhere to go to, or some meetup or something. I just think it helps to talk to people. hang in there. to everyone, I'm praying for baby dust for everyone.