[isabella]

I'm sorry to come off so angry, but I just need to vent to a group of women who would understand. I have a sister in law and brother in law in my life that are self centered. From the moment they: began a relationship, decided to get married, got pregnant, got married, had their baby, and now bringing up this baby.............always about them. They can go on and on about themselves all day long without ever wondering what could be going on in your life. When I became pregnant we told them, then a week later we found out we were having a girl. Again as excited as we could be, we shared our news with them. The worst day of our lives, we gave them the bad news. Never once did they call, email, text to see how we were doing or even what had happened. That shows how interested they were. Instead, I received two text messages from them one with a pic of their baby that says "we did good" (what is that supposed to mean???), the other letting us know it was their one year annaversery. Now almost two months later she is texting me as if I was never even pregnant, how inconsiderate and ignorant! Please ladies, how do I deal with this? Has anyone delt with someone like this? What should I say?

[JessStillWaits]

I am sorry to hear about your experience. This is especially tough, since they are family. But it doesn't sound like these are people you can rely on for support in any way, and in the future I would just know they can't be counted on...

I would say you should let them know that what they did was hurtful and inappropriate. I would bet anything they just didn't know what to say- but it doesn't mean that they should get away with it. Because they are family, they need to know or every interaction with them down the road will be jaded by it.

If you feel uncomfortable speaking to them about it, I would suggest writing them a letter. Although- maybe your husband could if it's their family.

Some people just don't "get" miscarriage- their behavior would be unacceptable if any other family member died. I would suggest also maybe giving them some information about it- for example the Resolve website has a wonderful letter/ print out you can give to people about the effects of miscarriage.

It sucks that YOU have to do it since YOU have been through enough. But I also believe communicating about this will enable everyone to come away healthier people.

Also- you have EVERY right to your feelings. What they did was inconsiderate and unfair. Just like your loss- unfair.

Originally Posted by isabella

I'm sorry to come off so angry, but I just need to vent to a group of women who would understand. I have a sister in law and brother in law in my life that are self centered. From the moment they: began a relationship, decided to get married, got pregnant, got married, had their baby, and now bringing up this baby.............always about them. They can go on and on about themselves all day long without ever wondering what could be going on in your life. When I became pregnant we told them, then a week later we found out we were having a girl. Again as excited as we could be, we shared our news with them. The worst day of our lives, we gave them the bad news. Never once did they call, email, text to see how we were doing or even what had happened. That shows how interested they were. Instead, I received two text messages from them one with a pic of their baby that says "we did good" (what is that supposed to mean???), the other letting us know it was their one year annaversery. Now almost two months later she is texting me as if I was never even pregnant, how inconsiderate and ignorant! Please ladies, how do I deal with this? Has anyone delt with someone like this? What should I say?

[MrsM]

First, I am so sorry for your loss. It is just devastating, and I know how much pain you are in...

My own father has been acting like nothing happened after the initial time we saw him. He never asks how I am feeling or how my husband is doing. He calls and talks about stupid stuff like life just goes on and it doesn't need to be mentioned at all even when I am sitting crying on the phone. I was and still am hurt by it, but I know that I have two choices, either address it and tell him how I feel or say nothing and just accept that is the best he could do, and move on.

So, I know how it feels, and it makes the pain you already feel just so much worse. My only advice would be is to call or see them in person and talk about your loss, tell them how you are both still hurting and and maybe they will finally acknowledge it in an appropriate way. If you care about these people and want them in your life, you have to resolve your own feelings about it.

I hope you can find peace, because you are already dealing with too much to have this to worry about....I am so sorry....

[tomekwa]

I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie.
Dealing with family can be very, very hard. This might sound very selfish of me but I'm going to say it anyway.
If they're not bringing anything positive, being understanding or supporting you through this difficult time then you don't need them in your life right now.

This might be harsh but it's true. Dealing with a loss is hard as it is and we don't need anyone rubbing things in our faces or being utterly selfish.

I would say distance yourself from them. Try your best to focus on your life and not anyone else's.

Hang in there girl, this is hard. Family can be really mean, trust me I know.

[alleycat0369]

It is so hard to deal with people when they behave so badly, especially when they are your close relatives. I'm sorry for your loss and you have every right to grieve, and to expect support from your friends and family.

When people behave badly like that, it is usually a sign of fear. They don't know what to say or what to do, and by not doing or saying anything, it makes it all that much worse.

I would ask them directly and let them know how you feel. If they are still unresponsive, or don't acknowledge your loss, you can't take it personally. They are incapable of providing support for you. It sucks to think about it but it's better to know it up front, and to know who will really be there for you guys when it counts.

Be strong. This too shall pass.....

[isabella]

Quick update for those who have another minute to spare. I’ve confronted her (the sister in law) about her actions in a very nice matter of fact manner. Somehow everything got turned around on me. I’m the awful one for never asking about her daughter . Well excuse me for taking a month and a half for myself. How dare I morn over my baby, instead I should be honoring her‘s……. She is very ignorant and simple minded, I guess we can say she can’t think outside the box. We are not on speaking terms at the moment, and I think I’m okay with that. Thank you all for the feedback!

[thehugsul]

Great info! Really informative. It is helpful for me.