[Haddas]

About three months ago, I lost my first pregnancy in my seventh week. It's been a very devastating loss, and I can't go through it again. Of course, there are no answers, but ultrasounds confirmed that the pregnancy was probably not ectopic, and that my ovaries and uterus appear normal.

I have concerns about my luteal phase (possibly less than 10 days), and am therefore too terrified to try again. But I have found so much resistance by the medical community when I seek advice. They all seem to want me to go through this at least 2 more times before they are willing to listen. I finally got a consultation with an OBGYN in two months, after not taking no for an answer from a general practitioner, who told me that I "just need to be strong", and that "it wasn't even a baby...probably just a blighted ovum." It took all of my energy and focus not to throttle her, but I kept my mouth shut, because I wanted that referral.

I'm afraid that when I get to my appointment, the specialist will not take me seriously, just as all of the other doctors have done. I have charts of temperatures and cervical fluids going back several months. This month I am also charting saliva ferning (I bought a kit). I plan to chart ovulation predictor test strips next cycle. What can I do to have them take me seriously? What other information do I need to gather that they might need?

[Soki]

Haddas, I am so sorry for your loss It's terrible that you have to convince medical experts that a positive pregnancy test turning into a negative one is a miscarriage. I think doctors can loose touch with the heart of their patients very easily.

I hope you are able to get the attention that you deserve from your doctors. However, make sure you have grieved the loss of this pregnancy before trying again.

(((((big hugs)))))

[Haddas]

Thank you, Soki. That is good advice. I don't know when I'll be ready to try again, but I hope I'll get that "I just know it's time" feeling. I've finally comes to realize that depriving myself of future happiness does not honour the memory of my dead child.

Has anyone reading this had this experience - doctors not wanting to help you after a single loss? Is there anything you found helpful in dealing with them?

[Soki]

I've finally comes to realize that depriving myself of future happiness does not honour the memory of my dead child.

That is such a great attitude!!!

[TMorris]

Originally Posted by Haddas

Has anyone reading this had this experience - doctors not wanting to help you after a single loss? Is there anything you found helpful in dealing with them?

Yes, I have, and I applaud you for taking the steps you have so far and for considering more!

I probably appear highly neurotic to most physicians...lol... I may be a classic case of "just enough information to be dangerous"? At any rate, it doesn't matter to me how I appear. My motto is that it truly doesn't hurt to ask, especially if you don't care how stupid you end up looking!

That said -- and I don't mean to make light of your loss at all (I had 4 1st-trimester losses before my son) -- in all seriousness, you're doing the right thing.
And the best thing is that there ARE practitioners out there who will help you.

First and foremost (suddenly I can't recall if we're allowed to refer to specific practitioners here...?), um, do a search for "reproductive immunology" and see what you turn up. Okay, I'll just send you to the website of one of the pre-eminent RI guys in this arena: repro-med.net
If you actually wind up contacting the doc there, tell him that I referred you (you won't get a discount or anything, but I just interviewed him for the bazillionth time for an article, and I think he'd like knowing that I send folks his way...)

I'm happy to do more steering, as much as is allowed here.

Before I even conceived, before I even saw a fertility specialist, I was literally interviewing perinatal specialists (aka Maternal Fetal Medicine docs) because I was paranoid about pregnancy problems just based on my age (at that time, 34) and a few things I'd read (I had thyroid disease.) It may have seemed like I was jumping the gun, but in the end, it was the perfect thing to do. It turned out that my intuition and little bit o' knowledge was right, and I did indeed need an MFM to get through my pregnancy with my son.

Also, when I did finally get to an RE (ref'd by my MFM, no less), I came loaded with a little bit of info. After my 2nd miscarriage, I told him what I wanted to investigate. Fortunately, he didn't dismiss my requests -- perhaps he knew that if he did, I'd be moving on! lol

Take care -- you WILL heal, you will go on. Maybe not just now, but there will be light again. Stick up for yourself, as you are doing.

[Haddas]

Thank you so much, Tracy. I am so sorry for your losses. I just don't know how anyone can go through this so many times. I guess, if you have no choice.....

I will do a search for reproductive immunologists in my area. I live in Canada, where we have publicly funded health care. That's probably why doctors are hesitant to prescribe any testing - no matter how much emotional agony a woman in, they won't test unless she is physically dying, or lost 3 children. Private services are not available. I just have to keep going from Dr. to Dr. until I find someone will listen and, so far, I haven't managed to get past my G.P.

You've given me some catch phrases to search for, which is exactly what all the doctors I've seen have refused to do. Thank you so much.

[indy98]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My position was a little different in that I had an uneventful pg and delivery in 2001, then in Dec 2004 I had a miscarriagte at 17 wks. My dr was a little hesitant to do any tests since 1 in 5 pregnancies miscarry, but I pointed out that that is true for first trimester pgs. I was in the 2nd trimester - I had a normal ultrasound at 12 wks AND I WANTED TESTS. Plus, my insurance automatically covered any testing for 2nd tri losses. So after much "discussion" he agreed. We had genetic tests done on both me and my hubby (normal), from the baby (normal - a girl). I wasn't giving up - I had read about clotting disorders and wanted clotting tests - the ob said those were relatively rare, but my insurance would cover it so he agreed ($1200 a pop). One of those came back positive. He said it was only slightly elevated and that the next pregnancy would probably be fine. I'm also 35 and was not thrilled with his nonchalance - I wanted to see experts! He didn't think they were needed, etc etc. It was always a fight, finally I went to a hematologist - if he didn't help me I was going to go to a reproductive immunologist. The hema put me on baby aspirin for life, agreed the baby probably died from a clot in my placenta. The next pregnancy he wanted me on blood thinners. I got pg went on blood thinners (after a lot of research) and had an uncomplicated pg and delivery this past Dec. All because of my insistence and my research. It's horrible to lose a baby at any stage, and unfortunately it is more common in the first tri. My hematologist called it very coldly your bodies "quality control". It's horrible I know, but there is a lot of truth to it - one of the reasons that they make you have more than one loss before tests, but please don't give up - grieve your loss, then see you how you feel - don't rush into any decisions. Do your research and ask your doctors for whatever you want - all they can say is no. Also, know what your insurance will cover and not cover - that will help as well. Good luck.
Anne

[Haddas]

I hate it when they say "quality control". I always want to say to them: "I assure you, my baby was of the highest quality."

I;m so sorry you had to go through so much, Anne, just to get them to listen to you when you already had an inkling of the problem. I was also told of the blood disorder, but my G.P. refused to have me tested. I went to a walk-in clinic, told them what I was going through and how I desparately needed to rule this out, and found them much more compassionate. They did the bloodwork and found that I don't have the clotting disorder.

When I went back to my G.P. for a referral because of my potential short luteal phase, she just said "who told you to chart your temparatures? Most doctors tell you not to even bother with that these days." I really need a new doctor...

[P. Thoms]

Haddas - I am sorry for your loss. I too live in Canada and have found that the drs are not very quick to help. However, if you insist you will find someone to help. After I had a s/b in March, they did all kinds of testing but when I had a m/c in June, I had problems getting my GP to send me to an OB. After a month of repeated visits he finally listened, Fortunately and Unfortunately my tests show normal so we hope next time will be different.

Also, where do you live in Canada? I am in Southwestern Ontario and find that most drs are overworked but many people I have spoken with say the same in most cities.

Hang in there and I hope you can get more answers.

[Haddas]

I'm so sorry for your loss, P. I also live in Southern Ontario. There aren't enough doctors, and the good ones don't accept new patients. I wonder whether my baby could have been saved had I insisted on testing in the beginning. I had my misgivings even that early on. The doctors I've spoken to just don't seem to consider a first-trimester miscarriage a loss of life the way we mothers and fathers do. It's very frustrating.

[P. Thoms]

I know that it is frustrating and down right rude and I know the drs can quote the stats, but that does not answer our questions. Unfortunately based on my own research and several forums, there are a lot of women going through the same thing we are. Reading their experiences helped me. I don't know if I can post other forum sites here, so if you would like some email me. Just put your user name in the subject line.

[Mrs.Vasquez]

I applaud your efforts and strengths as others do also. I wish I had had the same courage or knowledge as you do now to confront my doctors at the time of my 1st misscarriage. It is now 4 years later and I have had a total of 3 misscarriages, Well sure now they think there may be a problem!!!! It saddens me that maybe at least one could have been prevented if only they would change the "guidelines" as to how many misscarriges you must have before refferring you to a specialist.

I guess the bright light at the end of my tunnel I have reached. I had to suffer three losses to get here, I got my refferral and the road seems endless and full of "bumps." I believe that all has happened for a reason and that God has the perfect plan for my life, but that is my case and my faith. This is the ONLY thing that has helped with my on going healing. I keep full of faith that that day will come and we will have our children. Keeping the faith reguarldless of the "bumps" and praying for strength always!!!...for all of us.

[Haddas]

I'm so sorry that you've gone through this as well. I'm glad you finally got that referral. I met with the doctor a couple of weeks ago. It was a nice change to hear someone say "your concerns are valid. We should investigate", rather than "You're just blowing this out of proportion, because you're still so hormonal from the brief pregnancy that ended 4 months ago." I hope that the doctor you were referred to can help you to achieve your dreams.

[pink123]

Haddas, I am new to this site and just noticed your post which I know is from October, I was just wondering how everything is going. I am also from Canada and suffered 3 miscarriages before I was refferred to the fertility clinic in my town. I am sorry for your loss and hope you were able to find the answers you needed.

[slobin]

I had a very similar experience--after my second miscarriage at age 37 my GP told me that it's Kaiser's policy (my HMO) to wait until 3 m/cs to do testing!!! Can you imagine telling a 37 year old to wait for a 3rd m/c? How inane! Of course I didn't listen and I had every test under the sun done- I was pushy and demanded it, but how horrific that if I were not proactive I would be sitting back waiting for a 3rd miscarriage and I'm close to 38 now! Doctors are so incredibly calloused and uncaring (not all of them but many). I want to urge everyone to be VERY pushy aggressive and demand testing. Do not even wait for a second miscarriage.