[belynda]

Every time that i fall pregnant i seem to lose the baby, i have never got over 3 months, the doctor won't tell me whether it is my fault or not, for some reason i think it is, and i am too scared to try again.
I have no idea to keep trying or to give up and Adopt. If someone else has this problem can they let me know.

[einstein]

Don't feel that this is your fault. Forget the guilt. It's not your fault. Even if there is a physical reason -- hormonal imbalance, for instance -- don't blame yourself. Infertility is a disease like cancer. There are treatments and I'm hoping that with the right one, you'll be posting ++++ news on this site really, really soon!!!!!!

[slobin]

I have had 2 early miscarriages and I know the sadness! It is not your fault. Although it sounds like your doctors are not doing the proper testing. You need to be with a reproductive endocrinoloigst who can run extensive tests to try to find out what is causing your miscarriages. It took MUCH persistence on my part as my doctors kept telling me to "keep trying." I demanded thorough testing and found out that I have immune problems that are causing the problems. I encourage you to be proactive and not wait for your doctors to suggest testing- you need to push it and demand it!

Good luck to you,

Slobin

[Tanya324]

My SIL had 10 m/c in just as many years she now has 2 kids a boy and a girl they are now 7 and 8 so hang in she says it was hard but she did in the end get her babies.

[pink123]

It is not your fault! I have suffered 3 miscarriages and I know the pain and guilt you feel. My husband and I made an agreement that I chose when enough was enough, so go with your heart if you feel like you can't go through another loss look at other ways to have a baby. That being said there is always hope I am 9 weeks pregnant and being monitored closely and so far all is great. Stay strong!

[30somethingmom]

Hi Belynda,
I am so sorry for your losses. I know how much it hurts to lose a baby. It is totally not your fault. There is nothing you can do to cause a miscarriage or prevent one, so please don't blame yourself. It is also normal to feel scared to try again.

Has your doctor run any tests to try to get to the bottom of the problem? If not, I would recommend you get tested before trying again. In my case, I tested positive for anticardiolipin antibodies and the lupus anticoagulant. Both can cause miscarriages. A couple of other women I know who miscarried were low in progesterone.

Hope this helps! Please feel free to ask us any questions you have.

[brcannady]

You know, guilt is one of the steps of grief. Terrible I know, but everyone does it. I felt really guilty when I first lost my little girl, but I promised myself that I wouldn't anymore. There wasn't anything that could be done. You can't live a life full of "what ifs." I've learned that this last month. Don't ever forget the past, but don't live in it either.

People call me strong. But I'm not. I just take one step at a time, and sometimes I don't fall over. Every step I take is a little surer than the one before.

I pray for you that you can find out the reason you keep miscarrying, and that it can be fixed and you get your baby. Right now I've only lost one, but I'm so scared to lose another. Hopefully you can find the strength to keep going every day.

[meremere]

don't feel like you are doing something wrong. It will eat at you and there is nothing worse. I have lost 4 and trust me that the guilt gets worse. I have finally taken the turn where I know it is not something I have done. I also agree that a RE is a great thing. I have felt a weight lifted since DH and I decided to seek that assistance. I am going for the first time next tuesday. Insurance does not pay for it at all but it is worth it to us to see what is going on.

Keep your head up, try to find something that makes you happy, for me it is gardening . Trust in your faith and your DH and you will make the right moves as to how to move forward and move on.

[WannaBeAMommy2]

Oh Sweetie,
Please don't blame yourself. You loved each one of your babies and wanted each one of them.

I've had four losses since June 2004. Two were 2nd trimester and two were first trimester.

I blamed myself for a long time after my first loss. But, I know I did everthing I could. This was out of my hands.

We really don't have control over things like this. If we did, babies would NEVER be born to crack addicts, alcoholics, women who got no prenatal care, women who smoked during pregnancy, etc. These women can abuse their bodies and still have healthy babies. It hurts to see that I know. What I'm getting at is, if it were something that we as women control,then those would be the women who lose their babies. Not us, we took care of ourselves and did our best to ensure that our babies would be healthy.

As a previous poster stated, guilt is a part of grieving. We all want to know why these things happen to us. When nothing else makes sense, we tend to blame ourselves. My advice to you is to request repeat pregnancy loss testing. That may uncover some underlying cause for your losses. Also, finding a miscarriage support group in your area may be extremely helpful. That helped me a lot. It helps so much to be able to talk about it with people who have been there.

I am so sorry for your losses. I do understand the pain you are feeling now. Just know that you WILL survive this and the sun will shine again.

Please PM me anytime.

Gina

[eilla05]

I am sorry to hear about your losses. Even though every one says dont blame yourself I on the other hand have a different way of looking at it. Even though IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. As a mother you can not help but to feel guilty and as you did something wrong. We always feel that it was our job to take care of our baby and when something like this happens we feel likie we failed.

It is truly okay to feel like that as long as somewhere deep down you know you could not have done anything.

That is a part of the process that we all must go through.

Allie

Adoption does not mean you are giving up it just means you are becoming a mother in a different way.