[brcannady]

...and people gather around to oooh and aaaah, do you ever feel like screaming to the world "Yeah, well I'm a mother too! Only, my baby died before I got to take her home!"

Not that I ever would, but that's just how I feel today.

You are a mother!!!! I can only imagine how hard it was for you to hold your baby in your arms or even to look at her picture.

SHE IS BEATIFUL!!! So precious!!! So innocent and sweeet!!!

I am so sorry for your loss. You will always be a mother to that special little girl. She will always know of your love and the warmth she felt in your womb. She will always know the sound of your voice and remember the way your heart beat.

You may not have been able to watch her take her first breath or hear her cry. But she will remember you just as you will remember her always. And I believe with all my heart you will see her in heaven and have a relationship with her.

What a precious baby....YOUR BABY!!!!

Sometimes life is so unfair....I'm sorry. You will always be her mother.....Always!!!

[meremere]

you are so right! I have found myself in the house more to avoid seeing pg women. I actually was out right after 1st mc with best friends and DH, She was pushing her 4 month old in a stroller, some people stopped to look at him and we all started to chat. They ACTUALLY turned to me and said well where is your baby??? hello I did not know these people and this was one of the FIRST times I had left the house since I lost the baby. I ERUPTED into tears, and DH had to tell them what had happened. They went on like nothing had been said and said well hurry up and try again, you are waisting your life not getting pregnant again. I thought my friends were going to kill them and I went running away literally in tears. DH had tears in his eyes and I learned later he totally went off on those people. DH is from England and a laid back personality but he was yelling at these people.
HOW can people not think before they say things? I have never forgotten that and I am sure I never will!!!!

[brcannady]

I honestly can't believe what some people think is helpful to say, or even think that some things are appropriate to say! I mean, really! Who cares if you can get pregnant again? How can that make you feel better about losing this one? Every one is different, and you'll never get this baby back.

I've not gotten anything really horrible like that. Nobody's actually said it. They just say, "Well, how old are you?" and I guess by the way I answer they get the cue not to go further down that train of thought. Yes, I'm only 23. Yes, I could potentially be of child bearing age for another 30 years. But that doesn't make this any less painful.

Meredith, you've officially made me angry in your behalf and that's getting me out of my "pity party" mood. Thanks!

~Brittanie~

[einstein]

Oh Brittanie,

What an ordeal you are going through. And your baby was so beautiful. What a sweetie pie. Truly an angel. Of course you are a mother. Unfortunately, people say really stupid, cruel things -- usually unintentionally -- but dumb, nonetheless.

I have twins from IVF and I'm super, duper blessed and lucky. But I get the dumbest comments from strangers. Like.... "are your twins natural or fertility twins?" Um, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. "You have twins? Better you than me." Yes, you better believe better me than you! I'm darn lucky alright.

Oh and here is my all time favorite. "Your son's name is Connor? Oh, like the dead baby they found in the bay with Laci Peterson."

Yes, SOMEONE actually said that to me!!!! And my son was born before Laci died. Whatever. People are dumb.

I'm sending you and Cora a big hug. How sad that she never opened her eyes to see her mama.

Karen

[hopefulx2]

That is a beautiful picture of sweet Cora and yes you are a mom, when a child dies, no matter at what age, you will always be a mother and the world is full of thoughtless people which unfortunately is something we will just have to be strong enough to deal with. And Karen, for total strangers to ask about how your twins were conceived is way out of line and truly 'none of their business'. Rudeness no longer requires you to be polite to these busybodies.

[brcannady]

So, yeah, I think it stems from ignorance really. I haven't gotten any truly horrible things.

I try not to mention it to people now, actually. We had someone come to our house to repair a chip on our windshield, and his wife came in to look in the apartment since they're looking into moving from where they live and there's some empty ones in my complex. Well, we still have all the baby stuff up in the second bedroom. I'm obviously not pregnant. So she asked "Oh, do you have a baby?"
I said, "Well, actually, we just lost ours a month ago."
And then she got all awkward because she didn't know where to go from there. I don't like those awkward pausees. So I try not to tell people that I've suffered this loss.

But...my friends who know are great. It's great to have someone honestly ask me how I'm doing a month later. People who are just aquaintences act like they expect me to be okay now, and sometimes I'm not.

But, with my next pregnancy the people I meet are of course going to be asking me "Is this your first?" Being the honest person I am I'll probably answer "Well....sort of."

On a good note, though, I'm changing jobs. It'll be good because I won't have to deal with all the customers who come regularly into where I work now, who knew I was pregnant. I haven't been there in a month. I've already seen a couple of them in other places and they're like "so how's the baby?" And that's hard, because you know that they don't want to hurt you. It'll be good just avoid the whole situation.

[sezangel]

Hi brittanie

I so understand about people stopping in the street to coo and gaa at babies!! After i lost my son i noticed it all the time, i too wanted to scream and yell HAY what about my son!! like you i didn't!!!
I got a lot of comments from people saying ohh your young you'll have plenty of babies ( i was 21 )!! That use to upset me heaps as the reason my son passed away was due to an accidental placenta abrution!! I was so sick and very lucky to be alive let alone keep my uterus (spelling??) I've now had another baby a daughter and find the question is this your first really tough!! Usually i say no i have 2 children and angel and my precious daughter narnia!! I leave it at that if they wanna ask questions then i give them the fully story!!!!!

I used to get angry with people who say the stupidist things, they one day i realised that they are trying to make themselfs feel betta, by thinking they are helping!!!!

I know it's hard but we will always be mummies to our special little angles!!!!

[eilla05]

I honestly answer every time someone asks me if we have children that yes I have one but he died. That is exactly how I say it. If they ask more questions I answer If not I let it be at that.

I have truly been blessed with a wonderful mother n law. I was wondering if anyone would even remember that even though my son is not alive that I am still a mother. And thank god she did. She sent me a card and called to tell me happy mothers day.

You will be amazed at what some people will say/do after you have lost a child. I just started ignoring everything that most told me.. I am with you so what I am young and can have more kids. I dont want more kids I want my son Zach.

Allie