[brcannady]

My best friend gave birth to her baby this morning. I'm really excited for her, but it reminded me of how much I've missed out on not having Cora around. She was on the phone with me and Katy woke up and she started to coo and I lost it. I felt really bad because Katy started to cry then too and Telima had a crying baby in her lap and a crying best friend on the phone.

I feel bad. I don't want to be jealous of my best friend. But how can I be just happy for her when seeing how happy she is reminds me of what I don't have?

I would never, ever, have her lose her baby for anything. I hope that she never ever has to go thorugh this.

I just wish I didn't have to too.

[einstein]

Oh hun. Of course you'd never wish something bad to happen to your friend or her baby, but your wound is still so fresh and raw. And you'll never get over losing Cora, but someday, her memory won't be quite so painful. You'll still feel sad over not having her here, but you won't feel so angry and upset about it. Losing a child isn't easy and never will be.

But your feelings are completely justified. Why you? Why did this happen to you? That's what you are thinking. Why not someone else?

I'm sending big hugs your way.

[ara79]

oh brittanie, i am so sorry. i wish we could all give you a big hug. you are so stong to be able to support your friend, and what you are feeling is what i can imagine is normal. i know you miss cora, and i am so sorry. i will keep you in my prayers.
amy

[slobin]

I feel exactly the same way. Of course I would never wish something bad would happen to anyone I know with babies. I am at this point totally unable to be happy for anyone else with babies (or pregnant) at this point. The only exception to this is when women with IF get pg and/or give birth I am happy for them.

[brcannady]

So, my other pregnant friend, who is due July 20th, has gone mysteriously missing. She was put on bedrest a couple of weeks ago for having prelabor symptoms, and she hasn't been around all day. As far as I know she wasn't planning on taking any trips. Her car has been missing all day and nobody's answering the phone.

So.............I suspect she is also having her baby. *sigh*

[brcannady]

So, is it terrible that I'm glad my other friend is still pregnant and hope that she'll still be pregnant for the next couple of weeks? I don't think I really could have handled being bombarded by two babies at exactly the same time. Selfish of me, I know, that I think her delivery should be according to my emotional stability. But hey, I'm human.

I had another friend over yesterday, and I cried on her for 15 minutes. It was good to be told that it's okay for me to be upset. Amazing that I still need to be told that it's okay for me to be not okay yet. It's been 8 weeks and I feel like I should be over it, but I'm probably never going to be completely. I'll always miss my baby girl. And I sometimes forget that that's okay.

[BBG]

I am so sorry for your loss...and I think you should give yourself a break. It is completely normal and natural for you to have all of these feelings you are having. You are absolutely due the tears and hurt that you feel...you have been through a hell that alot of woman you may talk to will never be able to understand. I...on the other hand...do understand. At the age of 41...having tried to get pregnant since I was 24...suddenly became pregnant. You can only imagine the excitement I was living in. Unfortunately I lost my daughter in my 5th month. I woke up in the middle of the night...in labor...and before the ambulance could get to me I delivered her right there in my bedroom. This happened in February 2002...and still to this day it haunts me. Yes...it has gotten easier over the years...to learn to deal with it and live with it...but I know she's in a wonderful happy place where she is now and is at peace...someday I will see her again. I have come to believe that everything in life...no matter how horrible and traumatic...happens for a reason. Sometimes we are able to figure out the reason...but sometimes we will never know why...we just have to believe it was just meant to be. Mourn your lost child...you have every right to...but also remember there are others like myself out there...that honestly do understand and care.

[brcannady]

So, to add to yesterday's bad day, I found out that both a good friend and my little sister (who is 19 and not married and freaking out) are pregnant. Both were afraid to tell me because they didn't want me to be upset. I was, for a little while. Mostly at my sister, just because she was being stupid and she knows better.

But today I feel a lot better. Husband bought me a really soft stuffed panda (because I really wanted a puppy and we can't have one), a movie, and some popcorn for a suprise when I got home from work. I think the only reason I'm surviving sometimes is because he is so sweet.

[jenedens6102]

Brittanie,
How unfortunate that it seems you are being bombarded with pregnancies around you so soon after losing your daughter. I can only imagine the pain and hurt that this situation has caused you.
I also have a younger sibling, my 17 year old brother in law, who is expecting a baby with his girlfriend of 9 months. Granted the news came to me shortly after I had a major meltdown (around Mother's Day) but I had to push through it to be supportive. They are scared but remaining positive. They have been "engaged" since Christmas but they both have two years worth of school left.
Just seems that when I finally start to feel a little better with our situation is when I'm reminded of what I can't or don't have because at least three people around me are pregnant at what seems all times. This year alone we have 4 babies due around us. I just hope that eventually I'll be joining the ranks.

[sezangel]

Brittanie i feel for u and completly understand where your at!! When i lost my son all my friends were having their baby's around the same time!! It was so hard to be happy for them, but of course i didn't want the same thing to happen to them!!! It has been two years since my darling Mataio died and I still find it very hard to visit their children especially as they were boys!!! These feelings are normal and it takes alot of time to work through them!!!! Dont be hard on yourself as your friends will understand!!!!!!!!!!!

After losing my son my baby cousin (15) found herself pregnant and i was so upset and angry with her for a while as i wanted to be pregnant!!!! I really felt so horrible for hateing her and the baby, but i couldn't help those feelings!!!! Once I had the time to take it all in i was able to be happy for her,and feel alot of love for the baby!!!
Unfortunatly she had a misscarage, just as i found out i was expecting again!!! I was able to be there for her which she found helpful, and she also understood where i was coming from!!!!
I've gone on to have a healthy baby girl named narnia, but i still miss my son so so much and think about him everyday!!!

My thoughts and love r with you and your husband, and also your beautiful baby girl cora!!!!

[brcannady]

Some little evil part of me is hoping my sister will miscarry, partly because her life will be so much easier if she doesn't have to deal with the whole pregnancy, and also because I was supposed to have the first grandbaby!

Technically, I did. But you understand what I mean.

And then I feel bad for thinking that, because NOBODY should have to go through losing a pregnancy. I wouldn't want to wish that on my sister. And, of course, if she DOES then I'm going to feel guilty for wishing it....*sigh*

[einstein]

Brittanie,

Don't feel guilty for thinking any of these thoughts. You've lived through one of the toughest things anyone can endure. It seems so unfair that you just went through this and now it seems everyone else has baby news to share with you.

I always feel that there is a reason for everything, but I don't know why God would take Cora from you. It makes no sense to me at all. Why?

Big hugs coming your way, hon.

[sezangel]

Hi Brittanie

I know exactly wot u mean!!!! When my mum told me my cousin was pregnant, I was so angry and said alot of horrible things, among them hoping she would miscarry! When she did i was really upset thinking that what i had said and thought made it happen!!!
I know you dont mean it but it's just something that you feel and you just cant help it!!! When u calm down you wish them the best but it still hurts!!
It's all normal!!!
Sending you and your husband big hugs and kisses!!!!!! And a special hug to your beautiful angel girl cora!!!

[Tanya324]

Hey my brother lost his daughter Emily one month before my sister had her youngest boy, It was a very hard few months 8 years ago. Emily had lots of different things wrong with her but she was with us for just 2 short days and we will never forget her. Next month it will be comming on 8 years and for my brother and his wife I think it is always hard for them. They were lucky the had a little girl at home when Emily passed so and this is their words Kendall pulled them through they still had to get up each day because she still needed parents. They did have another baby just one year later and his name is Jefferey and I remember the fear in all of us when they told us they were pg but things worked out and jefferey is one lively little boy all over the place I really do hope the same happens for you!!! Oh my point they always buy their kids things with their names on them and every time they buy something they always buy one with Emily on it too and they have box that is hers it helps them cope. Maybe having a special box for Cora would help. Anyways I know it is tough but it sounds like you have a great husband and you will have another angle that is able to stay alittle longer. Emily was our little angle we like to say because I have another brother who he and his wife had been trying to have a baby for years they had 10 m/c in just as many years well when they came home for Emily they got pg and were able to carry to term and now have a beautiful little girl Victoria. I don't know if my story will help you hopefuly to know you are not alone my heart goes out to you and althrough Emily was not my child she was one of mine and I know how that had felt time dose make it easier but don't worry because you will always have Cora close to your heart !!!

[brcannady]

My sister started her period. She's not pregnant. She was sure she had miscarried, but she never actually got a positive on a test.

Tanya: Honey, I hope you're not broken. That must be really hard. I know a lot of you ladies think I've got it rough, but as much as it hurts I know I can get pregnant. So, I don't know, we each have our trials, and at times we think ours are the hardest in the world, and at others, you think that you've got it easy compared to someone else.