[sunny72]

Crap, I just deleted my own post. Anyhoo, I'm home. Ah, I'm such a homebody. I plan to rest up tonight after a busy couple of days. Things at MIL's went okay. Dh and I had to sneak away during a movie last night (Along came Polly) and rendezvous in the bathroom to do the PIO. I think doing it standing up might be a better approach. Didn't seem to sting so bad.

Alana, sorry about going through all the effort only to be turned away today. It does sound like your body may be doing things on its own. If you are like me, any type of progress can be much welcomed.

Jen, eeeek that's a huge reptile. I don't think I've seen one that big. Very cool!

Ronni, sorry you didn't have any to freeze. I've got a good feeling for your little implanted ones though. I'm hesitant to POAS this time also, but I feel like I would like to forewarn myself before the Beta because I know that would be a looong day otherwise.

Susan, I would be wicked p****d off with the secretary situation. At least now you know to be weary of her.

Martie, I'll be thinking of you. It's a nervous time isn't it.

Grits, your ET is coming up soon is't it?

Shelly, I meant to say the other day that your MIL sounds so high maintenance. Maybe she needs to take some chill pills.
Your RE sounds great. Maybe I should switch to him. I need some personal attention instead of all facts and business that I get from my RE.

Hi, Peachy!!

[designdiva32]

I hadn't even thought about standing up to do injections. Heidi thats a great discovery, I am definatley going to remember that when I finally get back into TTC again...which will be in about 3-4 months I think. Lots and lots of tests etc to do before that time.

Rachael, Susan, Ronni, thanks for checking in on me girls. The ultrasound actually revealed something kind of horrific today...that the sac had shrunk even further than two weeks ago (now measuring 4 weeks or something crazy like that) but now there is a tiny little fetal pole with a heart pulse! How dreadful is that!! Thats why they refused the D&C...even though its completely and utterly unviable and my RE clinic tried to tell them that too. They were just being very very cautious I guess.

Either way, its exactly the same as the last miscarriage...only weirder as DH and I can only imagine what very very scary embryos we are creating in there. The best thing would have been to do the procedure today but I decided to humour them only because I am bleeding very heavily and I know the decision is out of their hands anyway. Still...how am I supposed to keep doing this?? Why can't this be normal just once?!! My DH crazily thinks its good info though...that the fact the embryo puttered along at such a slow rate will give the specialists something to go on. I on the other hand am just starting to wonder if my body is killing them. I mean, what if there could have been healthy babies but my stupid body stopped them growing?? How will I live with myself?

[HRMS MOM]

Oh Alana, you really cannot think that sort of thing. I know that with my miscarrage I keep thinking what did I do wrong. Was it something I ate or did? I think this only drives you crazy. I am sorry you have to go through the waiting, it is terrible. I did not miscarry until 2 weeks from the day we found out there was no heart beat and I was always wondering when it was going to happen. Keep your chin up and try not to think crazy thoughts. I will be praying for you.
Martie

[hopeful2bmom]

Just got home to fight with DH about nothing. Really can't stand to look at him right now...ughhh..

[sunny72]

Oh Alana, what a traumatic day you've had. Please try not to have those thoughts. I think we've all blamed ourselves and our bodies and it's really not our fault. The little ones just aren't meant to be right now -- but there day will come. One of the nagging thoughts I had was that they never checked for a heartbeat in the end of my pregnancy -- my ob-gyn just visualised the situation and went from there.

Personally, I've decided that the only way to make the m/c bearable for me and any potential miscarriages, is to think that those little embryos didn't have their souls yet, they were just cells forming and getting ready. That way I can't be wrapped with guilt and grief. I know not everyone believes this, but that makes the finer details (such as faint heartbeats and poles) easier for me to deal with.

[sunny72]

Wow, my PIO was the WORST tonight. We tried the slumped over the couch position and it hurt and then stung like crazy. Won't do that again. Of course I blamed DH for the angle.

[designdiva32]

Heidi I think the same way you do, that the souls just aren't there yet. Otherwise I couldn't cope with all this. Actually, DH who is a huge atheist, actually said the other day that these embryos just weren't the right ones for our baby. That our baby was waiting still for us to create a healthy. strong body for them, and not these sickly little things with weak little heartbeats. I cried when he said that...it was the closest thing to him saying that maybe they were waiting somewhere for us. Because I truly hope thats the case. That these miscarriages weren't the death of our babies...that they were all actually just somewhere waiting for the right time to join us. Do you girls think that is even possible?

[JustPeachy]

Oh Alana! It has absolutely nothing to do with your body. Of everyone here you even managed to get pregnant on a natural cycle! It just wasn't these embies times. I agree with you - there wasn't a soul there yet. These little things have to make thousands of cell divisions every day just to make it to the next day. Only the strongest can make it through. I really believe my little one came from the one lead follie I had the whole cycle which would have been my natural egg to ovulate. I believe (in my case) the other eggs that got forced along just weren't strong enough yet. Yours are true fighters there. We just have to find a good healthy one now. When will they recheck you? What happened with the appt. with the new specialist?

Heidi - I did many of my PIO injections standing up. But, you have to be careful to take the weight off of the leg/butt check you are injecting. So, I would lean on the bathroom counter to get all the weight off that foot. When I had to do my own PIO on the nights DH was gone, then I would sit on the edge of something and still make sure not to have any weight on the injection side. I hope it gets better tomorrow!

Well, just got back from the first round of synagogue and repenting over here. Now, I just have to find another appropriate outfit to wear tomorrow. I have mostly casual clothes since I can wear whatever to work. But, I saw lots of people I hadn't seen in a while and I know my parents liked having the extra company. I'm off to bed... got to get up early tomorrow!

[jencat215]

hi girls- i am back from an exhaustingly long day, but it wasn't bad. my nails look nice and i am not doing any caps cause i am trying to preserve them for one more day!

alana hun i am so sorry that you were put off at the docors today. i hope that you can do this yourself w/o surgery. the drug misoprostol is the same as cytotec (what heidi had).


susan- sorry about your fight with dh. want me to come over and kick his butt for you? i am feeling kinda feisty...

ronni- for you. this is going to work for you! oh, and maggie is not scary aroudn the house. my cats have no interest in her. they watch her walk by, and if she gets too close, they get up and move! wimps!!!

rachael-so you went to an orthodox temple? ugg. i went to one once when i was a kid. i didn't mind the reform one i went to and got bat mitzvahed at. never been to a conservative service.

heidi-sorry about your bad shot. bad dh! he needs to get you some nice ice cream to make up for it!

okay girls, i will try to catch up soon. i have a headache and i still have to put together my crap so i can meet the bride at 8am for our hair appointments. i am totally wiped out.

[jencat215]

Well I am off to go get beautiful for the wedding (this will be hard to do). At least my hair will be professionally done. Makeup? Well, I do own some but I am not sure what to do with it. I can't even put on lipstick normally!

I hope everyone has a great day.

[goob07]

Good Luck Today Jen! You're a Trooper! Take pictures so we can see you all "dolled up"!

Alana - I'm sorry you have such troubling thoughts. I do agree that there's no soul yet and I know the only thing that helped me with my chemical pregnancy was believing it just wasn't meant to be with that embryo. I just believed that something was critically wrong with it and that it was better to have lost it early than in 4 months, 6 months are after birth. Less suffering for all involved that way. Just know that it's not YOU or anything you've done. I like your DH's way of thinking about it too. Hang in there.

Susan - I'm sorry you and DH are having a hard time. As you know, I understand. Ugh.

My DH and I are doing okay. We cooked dinner together last night and rented a movie that I slept through. Whenever we rent movies we watch them upstairs on the big screen in the "man room". He gets the recliner and I get the couch. I call it the "tranquilizer couch" because I ALWAYS fall asleep on it when we watch movies.

[sunny72]

Uggh, I'm feeling premenstrual. Does anyone know if when an IVF doesn't work, how long it takes to get your period? Will the PIO shots prevent menstruation until we stop them, or could I get my period even so? This is about the time I would have had my period so I wore a pad today just incase (TMI). I don't mean to give up hope, just don't want to be caught off guard. Also, I just have a gut feeling today that our struggle isn't over. I knew when I had a missed miscarriage even before I knew what a m/mc was, and today, I just feel like it's not this time. Also the cramps have moved from higher to lower which isn't a good sign for me. DH and I discussed a Plan B this morning. I need a Plan B. We agreed that we would proceed with adoption paperwork and maybe try some IUI's (if RE thinks it's even worth it for us) because we are at least covered for those. We will probably refinance or take another loan for the adoption, or I'll go back fulltime because this p/t isn't cutting it financially. It's been lovely to have time with Stella and Dh during the week, but I think it's time to earn some pennies.

I brought a little wrought-iron turtle the other day. I had been trying to find one and now he's sitting here watching me. Last night I had him on my belly for good luck. Is that weird? No, it wasn't heavy.

Jen, hope you have a fun day getting all dolled up. We definately want pics as soon as you get home. Hope DH has the digital with him. Is he in the bridal party too or is he a free man today I wonder.

Peachy, I didn't know about taking pressure of the leg thing? Thanks for the tip.

[GRITS]

Heidi, my FET is next Sat. i am getting excited/nervous....As for PIO I do mine sitting as well since I do them myself it is easiest. I tried standing, but even putting all my weight on the other leg I still get more sore standing than when I sit for some unkown reason.
It is good to have a plan B, but do not give up yet! I have seen a few girls on here think their period was starting and have a bfp. oh, and yes PIO can suppress your period.

Alana, I am sorry you are having to go through all of this. It really sucks! Hang in there and do not let thoughts like that take over. These kind of things are out of our hands. None of it is your fault. We cannot succeed if we do not try, so keep trying. My SIL unfortunately had four mc before she got her beautiful 7 year old son. Keep your eye on the goal and keep moving forward.

Susan, How were the margaritas? Could Dh have been jealous? I hope it is all better now.

Jen, it is noce to see you surviving! I am sure you will be beautiful today .

Ronni, that is funny about the 'tranquilizer couch'!

[designdiva32]

So I'm having major computer troubles today so I'll try to post longer later on. I'm not at the cottage until Wednesday so I'll be around all weekend.

Can't wait to see the pictures Jen, post them when you can.

Heidi, I'm still holding out hope hun. This cycle isn't over yet. However I'd be very interested to find out anything you do about adoption. I've always wondered how hard it is to do. But its definately something DH and I have talked about.

Everyone else...have a great day and I'll talk to you soon.

[goob07]

Heidi try not to give up hope. I'm having AF type cramps - they started yesterday. They're not constant though. I've heard that these can be a good sign too so I'm going about my business and trying not to question what might be going on in there. It is so hard though. Let's try to hang tough together.

I do all my own PIO and I do them sitting - same as Grits.

Do you have any plans that will help keep you busy this weekend? It's nice here today so DH and I are doing yardwork. I'm trying not to do too much lifting and straining. I think DH is a little frustrated by that as I usually pull equal weight when it comes to stuff like that. Teehee. He'll survive.