[jencat215]

Originally Posted by sunny72

Wowee, I like it! Really suits you.

Thanks! I think I photograph horrible. When I look at the 2 photos, if I didn't know any better, I would think they are 2 different people, and both are me, taking the photo of me, less than 24 hours apart!!!

[Angelwithhope]

Alana, Ladies

Thanks for thinking of me. I have been rather down in the dumps lately, really feeling like I and others don't care.

After 40 CDs AF decided to show. DH and I were both a bit scared I was pregnant again as we've decided that *big sigh* we won't be TTC anymore for a while and I am very scared to be pregnant again before we know that anything or nothing is wrong. (I don't want to go through a third m/c) We're seeing the doctor on the 30th to test and what not, but we aren't going anywheres from there. We just don't have the money to do any treatments and DH's family (extremely loaded!) does not even care one bit. Ten grand is chump change to them, it is, hard to come by for us.

I'm feeling very depressed. I respect my DH's decision and thinking on putting it all off, but my heart is hurting terriably these past couple of days. Probably AF depression, but still. I cry off and on.

I figure since we'll not be TTC probably until well after October (three year mark for us! ) I may as well go out and get tattooed to remember our Sweet Angel Babies. I'll be getting two sets of tiny baby feet on my wrist.I'm hoping this will help me cope. I am also looking into counselling but it's hard when IVF costs money and so does counselling, so where does the money go KWIM?

anyways, I'm such a drag. I'm sorry!!

I'm happy to hear though taht everyone is doing well!!

Jen, I dyed my hair the same color today!! Needed a change. Looks great on you!

Take care Ladies!!

[designdiva32]

Shawna hun, I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time. You are not alone though, I still have those days regularly. In fact only yesterday morning DH and I went to see my new RE (who is now starting to annoy me because she is so busy) and after the appointment I got into the car and burst into tears for no reason. I think going back there and seeing rows and rows of couples just sitting and waiting to start a family really upset me. I'm so sad anyone has to go through this....it should be the easiest most natural thing in the world and here we all are struggling day after day. Its crap! Its also crap it costs so much money, my father is loaded like your DH's family, but hes not one for sharing and probably won't help out either. I don't even want to ask so then he can't say no. I think though Shawna that maybe, like most people, they just don't know the seriousness of infertility. Too many people think if we would all just relax and stop trying we'll get pregnant. Yeh right! Look where that got me!! So hang in there, and we'll all get through this together.

Jencat....you look HOT!!! Your DH must be over the moon! Wow, you do have alot of hair. Mine is long but very very fine so you're lucky. Did it take long to do?

[Angelwithhope]

Thanks Alana.

I'll be okay some day I'm sure. for now I'm trying to enjoy the being on a break thing....trying being the key word! LOL

[Tracey23]

Hi guys - I haven't posted on this site before but after af arrived this time I just had the need to talk to people who hopefully understand what i am going through. Let me start from the beginning. I had a pre-term labor almost 6 yrs ago, Oct 19, and I was 21 wks 5 dys along. The Drs say that I have an incompetent cervix and a retroverted uterus (tipped) which needless to say makes getting pg and staying pg difficult. Every now and then the loss still hits me like a mack truck and I can't believe after all these years that I am still reduced to tears by the smallest things. Recently I had my first IUI and for the most part I didn't feel any different, I actually posted somewhere that I knew that it didn't work and I was ok with that, but then I started feeling sick, tired, my breasts hurt and I had to pee a lot. I had some spotting around 12 dpo so I actually then convinced myself that I was pg. You can imagine that I was devastated when af arrived. Even though I wasn't pg I still can't help but feel the loss of a baby, I know it doesn't make any sense but I can't shake it, and it was this that made me think of my son all over again. I wa hopeing that I could get some advice from you ladies on how to deal with these treatments and going through the motions every cycle of maybe being pg and then having af arrive, because I know I can't go through this every time, I actually thought to myself that I would rather not have a child then go through the loss of my son every month. Please, if any of you have some way to put some perspective onto this it would greatly be appreciated.

[Shellyhume]

Originally Posted by jencat215

Thanks! I think I photograph horrible. When I look at the 2 photos, if I didn't know any better, I would think they are 2 different people, and both are me, taking the photo of me, less than 24 hours apart!!!

I always find it so humorous when women post pictures of themselves looking fabulous and write some comment about how terrible they look... *sigh*

Jencat... you're a doll... a red-headed doll. 80)

As for the skivvies... no Vickie's here... nope. I'm a hanes comfort band girl... no sense in wearing skivvies if they're not comfortable... I remember in high school never leaving the house in anything but thongs... and now, for the life of me, I can't bring myself to wear them! Now, I'm not talking granny-panties or anything... but I'm totally into the boyshort hanes comfort band skivvies lately. They're super cute. I was going through a phase where I would only ever wear white cotton... I still prefer them to these wild, crazy patterns... but lately I've been branching out... ooh, don't get me started on socks. DH and I finally got so sick of trying to match our 90 bajillion pairs of unique socks... we threw out every last pair, went to target, and he bought one style that he'd wear every day, and I bought one style that I would wear every day... and I tell you, when it comes to mating socks, if it's not his, it's mine and vice versa... SO much more blissful doing laundry.

On THAT note... haha... for anyone who didn't notice my signature, we've been approved for IVF... !!!!!

[jencat215]

Hi Tracey-

I am so sorry about the loss of your son. It is hard to move on, but talking about my loss here has helped me tremendously. After my ectopic, DH and I were a mess. We were not looking forward to anything. Well, earlier this week, about 5 weeks after, we just started feeling a little better, more excited about the future (even more so after my good HSG!). We were going to Boston (actually we just got in today) and finally looking forward to it (we were dreading the thought of it just 2 weeks ago). There will always be difficult days, but knowing that our child is waiting for us to produce him/her helps us move on. All of this has been very tragic (my DH almost lost me to the ruptured ectopic-I had bad internal bleeding), but it really has brought us together.

I wish the best for you. I hope that talking to us gives you some comfort, like it did for me. We will always be here

[Shellyhume]

Wow... Tracey... I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like for you. By 20 weeks, I would think an expectant woman would have let her guard down and just been totally planning her life with the new little one... The farthest I've ever been is 6 weeks, and it killed me to lose that picture I had been imagining... hugs and prayers for you and your husband... I know that pain will never go away. I pray it does not leave you discouraged but rather with a stronger will to get that BFP.

Jen... you're in MY neck of the woods!!! Where in Boston are you?

[sunny72]

Tracey, I'm sorry for your loss. Those words sound so generic and said so often around here, but I really do feel for you. My loss was in the early days and I was already attached to the little one (although I tried to tell myself not to), but I can only imagine how devastating loosing a baby that far along is. I hope in time that the hurt lessens, not that the memory fades, because I know his precious soul is part of you now, but that in time your heart won't be so heavy.

My recent m/c has really shaken me. IF enough was hard to contend with, but that on top really makes me nervous to try again. When I see people like JenCat who've suffered a number of times, it makes me see how really courageous they are, and gives me a litte more resolve to try again. Now it's just a matter of when.

[sunny72]

Okay my friends, I'm having a hard time trying to make a decision. I've probably mentioned that my family overseas want to have a family reunion maybe in Hawaii (half way point for everybody). It's been over 7 years since we were all together, sibling 'n all. I already postponed a potential trip in September, and now they are considering November. There's really no pressure, but the pressure I am putting on myself to please everyone, and that I really do miss then all and want to see them. Selfishly, I wish it could still be September now, but of course if can't be at short notice. Afterall, the world doesn't always revolve around me.

However, I have this burning desire to try the FET in September. I don't need to explain to you guys, that every month since like a year when TTC, so waiting until after the potential Hawaii trip is almost unfathomable. I said to DH that we could do both. If we're lucky that it works and I fall pregnant, we could still fly to Hawaii, I think plenty of people fly in the first trimester. But he's against it. He says that he's in the radiation business, and he thinks after all this, we shouldn't consider doing a longhaul flight etc..

Is he just being a party-pooper, or being the sensible one. Darn it, I want to do both things NOW. I'm not patient at the best of times, and they are both very important. I told my sister last night that maybe we could book flights but cancel last minute if we get pregnant, and they can still all hang out together, but now I can't find reasonable flights that you can cancel/change.

Okay, sorry for the long story about a trivial matter. Any thoughts???

[sunny72]

Wow, three posts in a row from me - I must like the sound of my own voice this morning.

Jen, hope you're enjoying Boston already, I hope the weather stays nice for you. Let me know if you get a spare moment next week maybe and we can sneak in a coffee or something. No pressure, especially if you have a tight schedule.

Shawna, I don't think I've officially said "hi" to you -- sorry you have been down lately.

[Shellyhume]

Originally Posted by sunny72

Okay my friends, I'm having a hard time trying to make a decision. I've probably mentioned that my family overseas want to have a family reunion maybe in Hawaii (half way point for everybody). It's been over 7 years since we were all together, sibling 'n all. I already postponed a potential trip in September, and now they are considering November. There's really no pressure, but the pressure I am putting on myself to please everyone, and that I really do miss then all and want to see them. Selfishly, I wish it could still be September now, but of course if can't be at short notice. Afterall, the world doesn't always revolve around me.

However, I have this burning desire to try the FET in September. I don't need to explain to you guys, that every month since like a year when TTC, so waiting until after the potential Hawaii trip is almost unfathomable. I said to DH that we could do both. If we're lucky that it works and I fall pregnant, we could still fly to Hawaii, I think plenty of people fly in the first trimester. But he's against it. He says that he's in the radiation business, and he thinks after all this, we shouldn't consider doing a longhaul flight etc..

Is he just being a party-pooper, or being the sensible one. Darn it, I want to do both things NOW. I'm not patient at the best of times, and they are both very important. I told my sister last night that maybe we could book flights but cancel last minute if we get pregnant, and they can still all hang out together, but now I can't find reasonable flights that you can cancel/change.

Okay, sorry for the long story about a trivial matter. Any thoughts???

Here are my thoughts... they're unusually pessimistic for me... so I'm wondering if reason isn't taking over optimism...

I went ahead with my cycle right before we went to Puerto Rico for the 4th of July. June 26th, they gave me a methotrexate shot for an ectopic... my vacation was almost cancelled. I spent my entire vacation trying to keep my mind off the fact that I just lost a baby... but to no avail. No pina coladas, no sun, no advil, no sex... my vacation might as well have been cancelled. In the event that some unmentionable thing happens, you will be very far from your doctors... relying on whatever medical staff they have in Hawaii. Best advice? Wait until you come home to try again. Ahh... there's that word I despise... wait.

[designdiva32]

Firstly, Tracey, I am so sorry hun for your loss of your little one. That must have been heartbreaking, I'm still reeling from my miscarriage and I was only 7 weeks along. Although, from the comments most people make it is painful no matter how far along you are isn't it. As for coping with IUI etc after a loss, I'm still trying to figure out that one myself. I said to my DH just yesterday that I'm almost too scared to get pregnant for fear of losing it again. I'm not sure my heart could cope, especially considering how long it takes me to get pregnant in the first place. However, talking to everyone here has definately made me feel braver and stronger and we will encourage each other through each cycle so the disappointments aren't so lonely and devastating. Just let us know when you start your next cycle Tracey and we'll hold your hand throughout it okay hun?

Sunny, your dilemma is a tough one. I personally would struggle to wait that long as like you I have an impatient personality. However what Shelly said makes sense. If something does go wrong, which we are all praying won't happen to us girls again, but lets say it does it would be pretty devastating to deal with away from home. Although, on the flip side you would have your family around you which I honestly could have personally done with this past month. Realistically speaking though, the odds of another miscarriage for any of us is pretty low so you will most likely be fine. But it you want a relaxing holiday with no thoughts of TTC it might be best to wait. Ugh...waiting....I HATE that word!

[designdiva32]

By the way...Sunny, are you and Jencat going to meet up for that coffee? Wow, get a photo won't you, I'll be very jealous and will want to know all about it!

[JustPeachy]

First just wanted to say congrats to JenCat on your all clear HSG and congrats to ShellyHume on your approval for IVF. Oh, and only one brand of socks in this house too for DH!

Tracy it must be very hard for you right now. I am so sorry for your previous loss. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must have gone through to make it that far in your pregnancy. Everyone here is very supportive so just let us know on the good days and the bad.

Sunny - I hope you and JenCat get together in Boston. I second Alana. We need a picture of the two of you together! I've meet up with three other women on the board whom are also in Atlanta and it's been wonderful each time. I wanted to add my two cents are far as the trip to Hawaii. I do think you should go on the trip. It's an incredible place and I'm sure it will be nice to see your family after all these years all together. I would hate for you to regret missing out on the trip. But, I also have to agree with DH on the idea of being pregnant on a long distance flight. I know every doctor in the world tells you it's safe to fly. My RE said the same thing when I asked him about my trip during my first trimester. But, I lost my twin on the same day I flew. Probably just a coincedence. But, according to the u/s, the baby stopped growing on the date of my flight. It's not something I can change but I also probably wouldn't fly during the first trimester again.... even though I know of tons of pregnant friends that did! It's just not worth worrying about the what-ifs afterwards. Sorry to be another damper on the starting back in Sept. We're here for you no matter what you decide.