[goob07]

Shawna did you apply for that job yet?

[designdiva32]

Susan your little bean is so cute!! I think I can see their eyes? Do they have them by now?? (I really must get me one of those books about fetus growth stages or something...I'm so dense about that stuff)

So the cute painter is upstairs banging away again. This morning however he came in looking a wee bit worse for wear. I'm guessing he had a hard night or something. Why is it all workmen drink and party like theres no tomorrow? If I did that I'd NEVER make it into work.

Shelly hun, don't worry we are NOT having another horrible political discussion again. And Jen, yep...I am a CNN watcher. I have no idea why, it has some interesting stories, like about the hiker etc. I'm also enjoying all this election stuff only because its not like this back home. I guess its kinda funny to watch these respectable adults fight it out...its like verbal boxing!

I'm feeling really really rough today. This is gonna sound gross but I feel like like a big flemmy mucous ball. Lovely aye!! hehe. Seriously, if the painter wasn't in my bedroom I would crawl back in and sleep. Come to think of it...does it matter that hes in there? Just kidding...sort of!!

[Angelwithhope]

Ronni- No I haven't. I had a major and I do mean major melt down last night regarding TTC and it's been the last thing on my mind lately. It's also been adding to what helped me melt down. So at this point, I'm nt even thinking about it to be honest.

[goob07]

Sorry Shawna! TTC meltdowns are certainly no fun. We've all been there and they suck.

Alana - Welcome to my mucousy world! My coughing is slowly getting better. I did finally work out again yesterday after work after 2 weeks off. No fun but had to get back on the program!

Brenna - Where are you lately? Hope everything is going well for you...

[goob07]

Martie - You have to tell us when you feel that baby moving! And we need bump pictures!!!

[Angelwithhope]

Yeah last night was the relization that if the clomid doesn't work this month, I am out for a year. I don't think my IUI doc does anything but clomid IUIs. He seems rather lazy in that department. And that if this is the case, IVF is out of the story because of M's work schedule for at least a year and then it's the scrapping it all together and finding the time....and actually using his holidays for a whole year, to do IVF. Knowing that my Brother and his wife AND his brother and his wife AND that his sister and her husband are all on the TTC band wagon as well, it's a realization that while I'm wallowing in my pitiful world of not TTC, that I'll likely be hearing that all three couples are expecting AGAIN. Sorry, I'm so down...I cried and cried last night, there was nothing M could say that made me smile, laugh or quit crying. And if life would allow it, I'd still be in bed I"m sure.

[designdiva32]

Shawna hun, we can wallow together if you like. I'm going to send some mucousy hugs over your way but don't give up completely okay? I'm sure theres a way to solve this. Firstly I guess I should ask though, why not clomid/IUI's? Is the clomid not working very well?

[Angelwithhope]

I'm maxed out. If I don't ovulate this month on it, I won't ovulate next month, kind of thing...and I'm getting close to that magic twelve cycles. I did have a temp jump this morning on my BBT but that could have been from me crying all last night.

[designdiva32]

Ugh...I know how you feel about all this stuff Shawna. Clomid and Femara don't work for me at all. Thankfully my RE does the injectibles, but they are pretty expensive so I'm not sure how many or how long we will be able to try either.

Do you ever wonder if maybe you might just not end up having kids? I have those thoughts all the time at the moment. My RE with her huge pregnant stomach just peeves me off when she rants on about my m/c's all being 'sporadic' and I just have to keep trying...blah, blah, blah. Thats easy for her to say, shes 40 and knocked up. I hate her today!!

Okay, I'm sure this ranting isn't helping any...Shawna, I think we need to throw our very own pity party...just you, me and a large bottle of vodka!! (and I don't care that you are a lightweight, you are joining me anyway!!)

[JustPeachy]

Sorry I haven't been around much

I'm trying to catch up on the "real world" that I've missed for the past two weeks of baby land - bills, housecleaning, laundry, still haven't unpacked my hospital bags,....

Dh is off today and I let him sleep till after 11am so I hope he gets motivated to help me once he finishes his morning coffee.

I think I got a whole 2 hours of sleep last night. It was our worst night yet and I have no idea why. I hate that part. Oh, and then dh stumbles into the family room this morning yawning and saying how tired he is Very frustrating. I already gave dh the head's up that when he is off work on Sunday he gets the morning baby duty.

Alana - Have some sweet afternoon nap dreams about that cutey painter!

Shawna - Let's hope this is your month!! The blimp on the temps is a good sign. I know what a struggle you are having.

Susan - yay for the great u/s this morning!!

It's almost noon so I've got to shower and have a little life today. I'll try to catch up tonight if my little guy decides to cooperate...

[Angelwithhope]

Alana, no it's good. It helps me realize that my feelings aren't totally off...and it's wonderful that we can come here and have each other. I'd be stir crazy if I didn't have y'all.

I hate the uncertanty of it all. Of life too, to be honest. I'd be thrilled to just have one child, just one, but instead both of my pregnancies ended badly. (like you, so I know you know where I'm coming from and many others do too.) I woudl give anything for just one, and yet, I keep coming up empty handed and here we are...my brother and his wife, they're trying and the only reason is because she can no longer baby their youngest child anymore. And it breaks my heart to know, that she'll probably be pregnant and have another baby before I ever do and that she'll smoke through the entire pregnancy and disrespect her unborn baby. And then there is all of us, trying, hoping, wishing, crying, praying, putting our bodies through fertility drug hell, and it just seems soooo unfair. DH tries to reassure me that no matter if all those people I mentioned in my previous post, are trying, it doesn't necessarily mean it will work for them but still. (One is a tubal reversal, the other has fertility issues as well, and the sister is almost 40 and had a rough pregnancy with the first.) But it doesn't change the way I feel, the way I feel about the world and it's fertility and the lack of it on all our ends.

It feels good to be able to get this out there, to have people who understand. KWIM?!

[designdiva32]

Rachael, good to see you on here. I'm sorry little Aiden is keeping you up all night. I remember visiting my cousin during his first two weeks and I almost laughed at how exhausted he and his wife looked. They however didn't think it was so funny!

Anyway, hang in there hun, he will catch onto a routine soon enough, hopefully one that involves sleeping at least 6 hours, and then you can join the land of the living again.

OUCH...my throat is getting worse. I think I need chicken soup or something.

[designdiva32]

Shawna, I completely know what you mean. My cousins wife said last year they will try for their second starting Jan 2008. Thats now!! In the same amount of time that shes had a baby, who is now 1 and and they're onto their second...all I will have accomplished is two pregnancy losses and a headache from all the fertility meds. Its so crap. I just KNOW they will phone up in the next month or two to announce shes pregnant again. I'll either not be pregnant...or will have had yet ANOTHER m/c in that time. I know 2008 is meant to be a good year....but honestly...I just ain't feeling it.

[Angelwithhope]

I hear you. I started this year with so much hope and it was so quickly dashed. How the hell and when the hell did that happen?! *sigh*

[designdiva32]

Do you know what the craziest thing for me is though. I was on birth control pills for 15 years (yep, its a very long time) because I was paranoid of getting pregnant BEFORE I was ready. What an idiot I was!!! All along I didn't need them, and had I known what I know now I would have gladly become knocked up in my early twenties just so I wouldn't have to go through this.

ARGH....will this ever end??