[Angelwithhope]

I do hear you. With my first bf in my teen years, I was on BCP as well. It was a hell of a time...I was sick, it didn't work. Then I was late...I never had it confirmed but that could be when I had my first miscarriage. (probably a chemical pregnancy) I haven't told any of my doctors or my DH about it. Since I never had it confirmed and all, I was scarred. I was 18 and we had just broken up, I was heart broken as it was...and now to think that I may have had three losses...I guess I am lucky though, I always felt that i would have problems like miscarriages and fertility issues and here I am. If my doctors did know, it wouldn't change anythign though, I've had all the work ups and what not. (I pray that I am wrong, and that I was just messed up with AF, but who knows, I certainly won't and never will.)

(that was really hard for me to finally get out there....)

[AviatrixRN]

Shawna and Alana... to you! I'm sorry you had a meltdown last night Shawna..this ttc stuff is such a darn roller coaster ride. And Alana, yes, I sometimes think that maybe we will not end up with children. I mean, I will be 41 on Monday so I really don't have much time left..and I don't know if I am up for adoption. It will be what it will be I guess.

Jo..I'm sorry, I never thanked you for your answer to my question about Proin. I appreciate it, and it makes me feel better about giving it to Bella. Hope all is well with you!

Susan..How cool that you got to see Baby T-C moving around..Can you believe this is actually happening?! You are going to be a Mama!

Rach..Sorry you haven;t been getting much sleep lately. I wonder how I will handle that when the time comes. I am an 7 hour a night minimum kind of gal!

So today I am doing all my last minute things before surgery tomorrow..grocery store, helping mom put away her Christmas boxes, tidying up the house. The doc said I will be in the hospital most likely 2 nights. He said some people come home after 1, but I don't think I will push it. I'm having the bikini line incision, will be on a pain pump for about 24 hours then on to oral pain meds. Mel and my mom will be around to baby me so that is good. I already put my order in for my mom's chicken soup and fritata!

[sunny72]

Shawna, Diva... I really feel for you girls. Although I had those same feelings and heartache before DD, I had never suffered miscarriages like you girls have on top it of all. Having my miscarriage last year really showed me a different kind of pain. I really feel like you are going to both be mothers soon.

Shawna, you're probably so sick of hearing it, but you are young and that is an absolutely plus when TTC. Athough you are heartbroken and frustrated, you don't have that desperation of time running out because of your age. I just wish it would happen very soon for you because I know it's want you want so bad and you deserve it. Other people have it so easy and I know it makes you wanna scream you face off, but your babies will be the most precious.

Alana, I know it's going to happen for you too. I wish you didn't have to suffer so much in the process. Don't give up hope yet because hope is all we have. Maybe for some reason, mother nature makes people like us wait and suffer to become mothers because our children are so special and the pain we endured makes us capable of giving them the intense love that only we can. There's got to be a reason for all the suffering involved and somewhere somehow it's not a punishment. There's got to be a deeper reason, or a bigger picture somewhere in the universe.

I know this is all easy for me to say because I have been given a miracle, but it really breaks my heart to see you guys in such turmoil. Wish I could click my fingers and fix it all.

Okay, now that you all think I'm on drugs, I'll leave it at that.

[designdiva32]

Ouch...April I'm feeling for you here. I am such a wimp about surgery, unlike all you girls on here who said you like the anaesthetic (did I mention you are all weirdos? ) I shake and practically have seizures I'm so scared. Usually they have to give me something to calm me down BEFORE the anaesthetic I get so bad. I'm glad Mel and your mum are going to be there to baby you...I'm also hoping you are feeling well enough to down some champers for your birthday next week. Oh, and 41 is not old...look at Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry.

[designdiva32]

Heidi, you have me in tears here. I'm a bit of an emotional wreck anyway...but you are such a sweetie.

Maybe I'll go ask the painter for a sympathy hug.

[sunny72]

Susan, what a special day for you. Enjoy every minute and breath it all in. Isn't it an amazing experience. I had my first u/s at 16 weeks and nicknamed DD "Pixie" because that's what she looked like. I really wanted to keep that name, but thought people would think I was trying to be a Bob Geldolf.

[sunny72]

I've had been extremely weepy and vulnerable feeling these last few days. Every time I read all your posts I gets all red eyes. What the hells wrong with me.

[goob07]

Heidi I think you found the perfect words. There has to be a bigger reason we're all struggling. Whether it's preparing us to be fabulous mommies or preparing us for a different type of life without children, we'll all be stronger in the long run. There was a thread on here a while back where people pointed out the good things about IF. It was a great thread and really made me think...

April - What time is your surgery? I know you're not looking forward to it but it sounds like Mel and your mom will make sure you're okay. I've never had a pain pump! Is it sick to say I'm curious to know what that's like? I could use one of those in my daliy life -- don't like what's going on -- just push the button! Seriously, I'll be thinking of you and hope a speedy recovery. Will Mel log on and let us know how you're doing or do we need to set up a cell/text buddy system?

[designdiva32]

Heidi I dunno...but I think its catching. Oh yeh, and my family back home have all told me its one of the best summers they've had in years. Have you heard that too? I'm horribly jealous...the weather where I am is awful!

[Angelwithhope]

Heidi- I'm also in tears here. Like I said earlier, it really helps that I have you ladies here!

April- I'll be thinking of you during your surgery hun! And I agree with Alana...Halley Berry and Nicole Kidman!

[AviatrixRN]

Do you guys know if Nicole Kidman or Halle Berry got preggo naturally or if they did ivf? I am just wondering if anything has been said.

Ronni..My surgery is scheduled for 800am CA time. Which is a bummer cause that means I have to be there really early..but is also good cause I won't be starving..can't eat anything after midnight! I just asked Mel if she would post my updates and she said "um, how do I do it?" I will get her familiarized with the high tech process of posting on here. I mean, she can fly plane, I think she can figure this out. And if the hospital has wireless and I am up to it, I will just come on here myself..maybe we can do the chat thingy.

[Lawyerlady]

I've been busy at work and not been able to keep up ... but I just read the past couple of pages and wanted to say that I feel for you ladies and completely understand where you're coming from. I'm really hoping things turn around for all of us in 2008...

[Angelwithhope]

April- if you're up for it, I'm up for it!

[designdiva32]

Shawna, I know you have family issues too so you can probably relate. But I have the most horrible step family to deal with and the worst part is my step sister who is younger than me had a baby not long ago....so now its all 'Megans baby is the cutest in the whole world' 'Megans the best mother in the whole world' blah blah blah.

Its bad enough my family knows of my m/c's, but hello...some respect here please??

Oh, and Shawna I think I've also mentioned that I think I've had other miscarriages too. When I was much younger and went off the pill for a few months I had the same thing happen as you. Ugh...I hope this isn't going to keep happening to us both.

Thanks Kelly hun.

[designdiva32]

April, I think Halle was natural but Nicole has said hers was after 8 months of treatment.