[Shellyhume]

I agree with you... only thing, though... I've never reached the point where it was time for an ultrasound... so I don't think that I'll be able to keep myself detatched from the baby once I see him/her... SO I'm with you... no ultrasound until it is absolutely necessary.

*sigh*

[Angelwithhope]

Thank you all, Ladies...for the encouraging thoughts and kind words. I am very pessimistic right now...I guess it comes from that I never thought a second miscarriage could happen to me, the first was a fluke and now this whole cervix issue. Grrr. Anyways, I'll try to remain positive.

Alana- Don't drive to calgary Hun, you'll be going eight hours TOO far...I'm in Regina remember.

Thanks again everyone.

[hopeful2bmom]

My Gooodness! You girls have been busy this morning.

Well I am glad to know that we are not going anywhere until we graduate or we get kicked off! I was getting anxious because you are the greatest support for me, all of you.

Jen- Maggie is hysterical. I love the stories, keep 'em coming. Also you are just a fountain of information.

Shawna- try to remain positive. I know everything will turn out ok.

Heidi-horray for AF. Sorry about the odd FIL.

Shelly, love your inspirational posts all of the time!

Alana, are you going crazy yet?

As for me, I am off to visit my friend and her newborn, yes I am going to try it. We'll see how this goes. She is not completely aware of what she says to me sometimes so I will try to patient with her ignorance.

P.S I got hit on by two yonger guys at two different times today. Boy did that make me feel good! They were like 22!! I guess that haircut and dye job yesterday gave me my mo-jo back! I was feeling fat and ugly, even though DH says I am prefect, it's nice to have someone else confirm that I am alright!

[designdiva32]

Gotta love those twenty something boys! When I attend classes at my design school I see walking around the hallways plenty of them, all doing the gaming design diplomas etc. They are very flirtatious young things I will say! lol. I'm guessing Shelly and Shawna get to come home to that every night. I'm very jealous here girls!

Definately only have ultrasounds if they are necessary. Too many just puts endless worries in your head. I honestly wish I hadn't had any for the last pregnancy. I would have been much happier (relatively speaking of course) just seeing the beta levels dropping than having to see the heartbeat gone. Nevermind, its day by day for all of us on this thread.

Jen, how is your 2ww progressing? Any symptoms? Cramps? PIAC yet??

By the way, anyone heard from Rachael? I assume shes still around...I miss her encouraging words. Where are you Miss Peachy??!!

[sunny72]

I agree Alana, having seen our little bean on u/s made it almost unbearable when we lost it. If I could go back in time and not see the "little bean not really there anymore" u/s I would. It really messed with my head. Which reminds me, I never did find the u/s pic. I lost it somehow -- hmm wonder what that means??

Still, we are participating in another study ($500 off the total this time) so we will still be doing the extra u/s and bloodwork. Last time I had to do a 12 week u/s even after the D&C. This time I think I have to be very clinical and scientific about it otherwise it's too emotional. I hate feeling fragile.

Speaking of fragile, I almost had a melt down at my daughter's pediatrician visit today. They gave me about 5 pages of questionaires and snuck in a question about whether mommy had been depressed lately. So I was honest and said, yes I have been. Then the 8 months pregnant peditriation came back and asked me about it (if I'd known that I would have lied) and I still get teary when I have to delve into things. Lesson for today, you don't always have to be honest in questionaires.

[designdiva32]

Heidi hun, I'd give you a big hug if I could. Fragile is a perfect word for my state of mind lately too. I wouldn't worry about crying to a pediatrician. While shes there for your daughter shes also there for you. What affects you affects Stella, so its good she knows how hard this has all been. But you are on your way now to that sticky BFP Miss Heidi...I can feel it in my waters. (lol...where on earth does that quote come from??) With a lot less ultrasounds of course!

Oh, and I finally found out my beta number. It was 90.9 which sounds a little low for 14dpiui to me. Great, just what I need, another failing pregnancy!

[sunny72]

Alana, one thing I've learned from this board is not to pay attention to the numbers. I had fairly good numbers but we all know how it ended. I've heard of lower numbers doubling, tripling and going in the right direction. Try and not to stress about the unknown, I'll be crossing my fingers and toes for you.

[designdiva32]

Thanks Heidi. I had really good numbers last time too. I was in the 300's at 14dpo last time. However you are right...look how well that turned out. Still, I guess I should steal myself for a chemical pregnancy or something. I'll know more tomorrow evening. In the meantime...I think I'll go watch a b-grade telly movie or something to take my mind off annoying beta levels!

[hopeful2bmom]

Heidi and Alana,
I only got to see the yolk sac and maybe what was a tiny flutter of a heartbeat and I agree that it is so much harder that way. It makes me sad. I got my records from the Re and there was a picture in there of the ultrasound just staring back at me. I almost died. What a great day I have had... and this was a m/c from over a year ago... It still hurts so much.

[JustPeachy]

Sorry!! I'm here. Didn't want Alana worrying over little ole me. You have enough on your mind! I went to bed a little on the early side and then had to show a new client homes today. Plus, if I get on this site in the mornings, then I always get sucked in and wind up late to my appointments You ladies are much better than family! Also, I get way too attached to all of you. So many of us were together in the January group and I can't just lose you all. I think it helps all of us to heal to have each other.

Alana - I'm not going anywhere and you better not either. I know I've had my guilty moments still posting on this thread and hoping I'm not causing more pain to everyone still dealing with their loss. But, I hope we do inspire some hope in those going through everything again. Besides, your story is really inspiring with the IUI working on the first try. There is a Jewish saying for this - beshert - meant to be. I know the u/s will be extra tough this time around. I've had all the same thoughts. Why couldn't I have lost the twin before the 1st u/s? Then I wouldn't have ever been attached. And, my Mom says all the time how amazed she is at everything we know about our pregnancies and how it can't all be good for us.

Shawna - I hope everything works out ok. I know you are worried. Hopefully, the doctors will be able to give you some answers quickly as to why your cervix is irritated.

Heidi - Yay for AF!! Don't feel guilty about talking to the ped. about everything going on yesterday. I'm sure we all still get teary eyed talking about what we've been through. I know I do. And, you have to keep talking about it to help with the depression.

Shelly - What a story about your FIL. I know it must be hard to deal with all the dramas. My grandfather did a very similar thing after his wife passed away. It broke my Mom's heart. He completely forgot about all his grandchildren. Never sent us another b-day card. He sold their family home and had my Mom come up before the yard sale to see if she wanted anything. He handed her a garbage bag full of all the grandchildren pictures she had ever sent her parents. Just said he didn't need them anymore. It's got to be a midlife thing. Just try to stay as far away from the drama as you can. That's what I do with my in laws.

Jen - We're waiting for you to start using those POAS!! Did Maggie sleep well in her hidden spot? So cute.

Grits - Sounds like your in-laws have a true love / hate relationship. I'm just impressed you've survived an entire week with your MIL without DH around!

Ronni - Today is the last BCP, right? Is DH as excited as you are?

Well, still fighting the sniffles and yep I too hate trying to sleep with a stuffy nose. I was really dreading showing condos this morning. So, I was super strict with my new client. Today him he basically had today only to figure things out and then I was referring him to a new agent. I just can't handle all the in and out of the cars and heat. I guess the mean streak worked! The client picked a condo and we're righting a contract tonight. Got to remember that next time around

[sunny72]

Rachael, it's me with the crazy FIL with new wife and family scenario. I think Shelly must have a "normal" inlaw situation because she hasn't complained about them here yet.

And... I have to say that I have moments when I feel guilty for coming here too. Like I have no right to soak up the compassion and empathy when I have been blessed already. I think and hope that anyone stumbling upon my daily dreary posts will realise that this is my second time around struggling with IF and it's another set of years trying and trying to get pregnant only to be disappointed each month. Also having your much wanted pregnancy taken away isn't easy ever whether it's your first or last. Not sure why I just felt the need to justify my presence.

Keep reading if you bored, it's going to be a night full of monotonous posts from me I think. The other week I got a little miffed (internally) as I was mentioning the IF and m/c charms/jewelry to DH and talking about whether to get something to remember our loss or to think more clinically yadda yadaa, ... well he sort of closed off and acted disinterested somewhat. At least that was my interpretation. I think sometimes that's his way of steering away from an emotional decline for the evening. Anyways, last night I got home from work and he gave me a little charm with the tiny feet. He WAS listening? Sometimes you just never know. I had to tell Stella they were her tiny feet because she's way to young to know about these things and she wanted to know who's feet they were. I not sure if I'll wear it, just nice to have something to hold when I want to.

Shelly, I'll check my voicemail again in case they said twice a week, not twice a month for thawing.

Alana, speaking of husband's taking phone messages. Yesterday at work my DH calls to tell me that the RE nurse called and he tried to explain the CD1 thing being on Friday and that she said next Tuesday I'll have to have bloodwork in the morning and at night?? I left a message for the nurse to call back and to leave a message with all the details so I could hear it all myself. Turns out she said take the medications in the morning and night. It's the smaller details that count I guess.

[Angelwithhope]

Thanks everyone.

Alana, hang in there Sweetie...that is a much higher number then I had when I had my chemical...my beta was only 34 at 5 weeks pregnant. Hang in there...

On the whole ultra sound issue...I'll take every single one I get because being able to see my baby and not see my baby is huge for me. I loved every minute of seeing our precious first one, it has actually helped me grieve by having my ultra sound pic. It actually sits beside my computer monitor, and I look at it and smile quite often. Man...I'm starting to feel like the freak around here...lol...I was so upset when I didn't make it to the ultra sound with my second pregnancy...it was like I will never be able to see my baby and that hurt me. Seeing our first was comforting knowing there was a tiny little soul growing inside of me and seeing my baby...It was almost like putting a face to a name. So therefor, give me all your extra ultra sounds Ladies, I'll take 'em! I hope I don't upset anyone but this is what I did with my first and only ultra sound pic...it's helped my heart to heal, in a way.

[jencat215]

Girls. Sisters. Family. Stop it. All of you. We have all suffered together, and as such we will all celebrate our successes together. AND WE WILL ALL (yes you too Shawna) HAVE SUCCESSES!!!

Rachael-we love you here and you better not leave us.

Heidi- I love your long posts and always read them. And we all feel that secondary or tertiary, etc. IF sucks just as much as primary. Stella is our family too and I know I speak for all of us when I say I pray that she never has to go through what we all did!
Your DH was so sweet to get you that charm! It does amaze me that guys have the ability to listen to us once in a while!!!


Alana-you are our first success story. We are all thrilled! And 90 for a first beta is great. Just check out sites such as this:
What is beta hCG?
As for me, I will definitely go for the early u/s, definitely as soon as something could be seen cause I want to avoid another ectopic rupture. I would rather know right away. And remember, my betas doubled nicely for 2 weeks with my ectopic. BUT, my numbers started off much lower than 90!!!

Susan-you are lucky to be hit on by nice young men. I got hit on by this scuzzy IT guy who chain smokes and is probably pushing 45-50. Yuck.

And I am not going to PIAC until everyone stops talking about feeling bad being on here and leaving !!! Seriously girls, I am only on CD22. No way it would show up yet. And I only think I am 6-7 days post O. Maybe this weekend. But my Bbb's feel like they are the size of watermelons and are sore. And I keep craving tacos...

[goob07]

Hey Girls! Glad to see you're all going to stick around here. From what I can tell, there are very few real rules on this forum with the exception that everyone should feel free to share experiences, frustrations, questions and answers and support one another. I think you're all following those rules beautifully!

JenCat215 - Hmmmm...love that you're having some symptoms...could it be?! Can't wait until you PIAC!

Rachael - The sniffles suck. I hate when I just don't feel well but I'm not sick enough to stay in bed. It's the nether-world of health. Take it easy showing homes!!! You only get 4 hours a day on your feet, right?

Heidi - How sweet that your DH bought you the charm! And your answer for your DD was perfect.

Alana - One day at a time...your beta number is higher than my chemical pregnancy ever was. We've seen ladies start with numbers like yours and end up with multiples! But...one day at a time. We're all in this with you!

Susan - I agree with JenCat. How nice to be reminded by younger men that you're attractive! At my age, if someone in their 20's hit on me, I'd be concerned that I was going to end up talking on camera to Stone Phillips with Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" or something!

Grits - My injection buddy! We get to poke holes in ourselves on Saturday! Are you as excited as I am?

Shawna - I don't think it's crazy at all to have your u/s pics framed for your Bean. I still have my picture of the 3 embies we transferred in my 1st IVF binder and I look at it occassionally. We understand.

So...for me...last BCP was last night! I did a little celebration dance after I took it and DH scored big points when I sang "No more evil little pills" as I was dancing and he responded with a big hug and said "You've been GREAT."

My end of cycle sonogram is tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed that all is well and I can start stims Saturday!

[jencat215]

Alana- I just read a post by someone who just had her baby and her first beta 12dpiui was 23. And her second beta 16dpiui was 150. You look pretty good here!!!