[Rachel38]

My doctor told me chemical pregnancies are any positive readings one week after period is due and before it is due that result in loss fairly quickly. Miscarriage is anything after...is that right? If so, I am on the cusp. I am not sure how to define what happened to me today as I had betas doubling until this week where they just went up slowly...and today i believe I lost, what was to be, my baby. I had bad cramping and got dizzy and then went to the restroom and saw large dark clots. The pain continues but it is turning pink and almost seems like AF is coming.
I am vicious, sad and desperate. My hubby is so upset he is saying we should stop as he can not see me like this again. What should I do? Ask my doctor for a new beta. She told me to wait until next week, but I know I lost it...I just know. That was first IVF, should I give up? :-(

I suppose this loss pales in comparison to people who bonded for months with their babies that they carried but this is a loss to me since it was my first time to be pregnant. I say this because people look at my post and have just moved on without a mere word of comfort...I am sorry if I am so upset but to me my heart is broken.

[ara79]

oh rachel, i am so so sorry. i will keep you in my prayers. as for the chemical vs. m/c i just don't know what to tell you. i think that you and your dh will make the right decision, whatever it is that is right for you two. take all the time you need to heal and we will all be here for you.

[MsFitzy]

This was my first IVF as well, and I recommend not giving up. I don't plan on it. Looking back, I sort of wish that my RE would have ended things early. After seeing that tiny heartbeat, I instantly fell in love with my baby. And now that my baby is gone, it's hard for me to move forward.

From all my reading, it does sound like you lost your pregnancy as well. Luckily, since your betas are not that high, you should just be able to stop all support hormones and allow your body to m/c naturally without too much pain. You will probably just feel like you are having AF. Plus, you should be able to try again soon if you are mentally ready.

Let your Dh know that not only does he not know how to help you through this, but that it's new for you as well and you don't know exactly how to feel either. My DH was very up front with me and said that he doesn't know how to help me, but he will do whatever I need/want him to do. He's actually the only one that I can talk to right now.

Give yourself time to grieve and find out what you want to do in the future. You don't have to make that decision right now either. Take all the time you need.

[bd711]

Oh Rachel, I'm so sorry you're going through this. This whole week sounds like it has been such a painful roller coaster.

I know you're wanting to define what's happening as a m/c or chemical pregnancy, but what it is no matter what is a loss. And you need to let yourself grieve.
When I had my chemical pregnancy, or second miscarriage, the dr kept calling it a miscarriage. When I tried to correct him and remind him that it was "just" a chemical pregnancy, he said, "it's still a miscarriage." I really appreciated that -- I felt like he understood how heartbroken I was and how much I had hopes around the pregnancy that got dashed.

I also know so well the feeling of wanting to know what the next step will be. But you need to give yourself space to grieve. And your DH needs to give you that space too. Even though it's hard to see the ones we love in pain.

Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this and I hope that you find some peace in this difficult time soon.

[Justine]

Rachel,

So sorry to hear. Just wanted to say that sometimes people don't know what to say or need to think about it before they post, but don't think it means they don't care...I'm sure they do.

[sunny72]

Rachel, I'm sorry for the pain and anxiety that you and your DH are feeling right now. So many of us here have lost our little ones at varying stages. It hurts no matter what week or month of the pregnancy you are in. Please don't give up your dreams of being a mother. Many of our friends here on the forum have had one or more losses and gone on to have successful pregnancies. The only thing that keeps me going after my miscarriage is trying again and what was next. Not to say that I have forgotten at all about the one that I lost because I still grieve and everyday I think about how I would have had him/her in my arms by now. Some of us for some reason have to suffer terribly to become mothers. It's not fair, but all we can do is heal, stay strong and try again.

[jenedens6102]

Oh Rachel, I'm so sorry. This sounds like my first pregnancy. My first betas doubled and then while they continued to rise the percent they rose started to taper off. In my situation it was an assumed ectopic pregnancy as there were no signs of pregnancy in my uterus at 6 weeks 1 day. As for the difference between chemical pregnancy and miscarriage I heard the same thing you heard. Chemical pregnancies are sometimes missed because by the time AF is due the pregnancy has dissolved, it's really quick. I know that a loss is hard, no matter what stage of pregnancy it comes in, but I have faith that you and DH will pull through. It is scary thinking of trying again but many of us have found success after a loss and I hope that gives you the strength to continue reaching for your dreams.

[chantalTTC]

I posted on your other thread. I agree with all that's been said, especially what Justine said. Sometimes we're in shock just as you are and we struggle to find encouraging words.... Please know you are among sisters on this site and we all support you.

[Jacklyn]

Hey Rachel
Sorry, that people did not respond to your posting. No way is your loss any less than anyone elses. A loss is a loss, no matter when it happens - especially if you've waited so long.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this. Sending you prayers and hugs. Also posted on your other post that may be getting another beta is a good idea, but seems like from this post, you already did that?

Dont think about giving up right now. Give yourself some time and then think with a clearer mind what you want to do next.

Hugs again

[imagiccat]

Rachel, I am so very sorry to hear of this.

"Chemical"... miscarriage... whatever you term it, you feel about it that it was your baby. It was yours, and you are feeling loss, as naturally as you should. That's heartbreaking.

You said, "I suppose this loss pales in comparison to..."

Maybe or maybe not, depending on the person, I guess. But that doesn't make your pain any less, right? It doesn't mean you don't grieve. And life, pregnancy, babies -- none of these things ever get to be "compared" to be valid or worthwhile in their pain or joy. Each is about the individual. This is about you, and your heart is breaking right now.

Your husband sounds like mine; he's being fiercely protective of you right now. His response is normal also.

"Should I just give up?"

That choice will always be yours. But remember: You don't have to make that choice right now. You don't even have to think about that choice right now. For right now, just go slow and take care of yourself, and feel whatever you're feeling, (even if it's "vicious"). That's okay. That's grieving, and you're entitled.

I'm so sorry.

[Marsrover]

Hi Rachel,
Claire (Marsrover) here. I have been following your progress for the past few weeks because you and I share all the unexplained infertility/age, etc. things in common and we are both on cycle IVF #1.
I am so sorry to hear what has happened today.
I would have written you an e-mail sooner but I am just in the door from work.
I'll say a prayer for you and for hubby tonight.
I'd make the clinic do another blood work up tomorrow so that you know where you are. You should not have to wait a week. That is far too long.
I want you to know that I feel very badly for you and there are so many people on these boards rooting for you.
Every best wish,
Claire

[Neta]

Ohh my, that is not good sweetie, sorry if no one has said anything I feel this is not a vicious forum, I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through, wait and see what happens but if it gets to be to much press your doc, it is your choice to have what you want done and just to have you sitting is crazy and nerve wrecking. Praers to you and DH

[Persephone1881]

Rachel, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know what you mean about feeling like your loss "pales in comparison" to those of others.. I had moments of feeling like that too after my ectopic. I knew there were so many women here who had gone through treatment so much longer than me and who had gotten to experience their pregnancies longer than I had. It was less than a week between my first beta and the day they told me my pregnancy wasn't viable. But like everyone else has said, a loss is a loss no matter how far along you were. You have every right to receive the same sympathy and support anyone else gets. Take as much time to grieve as you need.. you'll have good days and bad days, but somewhere you'll find the strength to either continue with treatment or find an alternative. Know that we're here for you and just take it one day at a time right now.

[hannah01]

rachel, i'm so very sorry for your loss. i know there aren't any words that can make this feel better- but please know that you have a lot of support on here, and many people who understand the grief you are feeling.

[cbrink7]

Rachel,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Just because you were pregnant for a short time they were still your babies and you loved them no less then anyone eles would have. When we got the pictures of our little boys when they were 6 and 8 cells they were our children and any loss is devastating. I lost my sweet boys 2 months ago at 5 months, and it is by far the most painful thing ever. I am completely empty and lost most days. I know they say it will get easier but I have yet to see those days. Most days it feels as if I am suffocating with the loss. My husband and I have decided that we are not even going to think about IVF or our future again until we are ready. You both deserve some time to heal before you make up your mind. What you went through is scary and devastating. Take care of yourself and know that I am thinking of you.

xoxo
Cat