[emmaelson]

Hi evryone i am new to this site so hello.
I have two children and have been ttc for 2 years i have had one m/c and am finding it so hard to try and put it behind me it happened last november and people say that i should be able to try and move on now but i cant and it realy drags me down, me and dh started trying again after our loss and have not had any luck. For some reason i feel that the only way i can move on,is if i get pg again but i done a test yesterday and it was bfn. I am having my lap done on 13 march and am very nervous as i dont know what to expect.
Thanks for reading my moan.
Emma

[Melanee2255]

Hey girl~
to this forum! We are so happy you have found us. I don't personally know the emotional effects of miscarrying as I have never been pregnant, but I am sure you guys are still trying to heal from something so painful! I hope your lap test is able to give you the answers you are looking for. Good luck!

[jana]

Originally Posted by emmaelson

Hi evryone i am new to this site so hello.
I have two children and have been ttc for 2 years i have had one m/c and am finding it so hard to try and put it behind me it happened last november and people say that i should be able to try and move on now but i cant and it realy drags me down, me and dh started trying again after our loss and have not had any luck. For some reason i feel that the only way i can move on,is if i get pg again but i done a test yesterday and it was bfn. I am having my lap done on 13 march and am very nervous as i dont know what to expect.
Thanks for reading my moan.
Emma

Emma,

There are so many women here who understand the loss that you are going through. While every situation is different, there is always someone who can sympathize. You should take time to grieve for your baby. Don't let people make you feel like you shouldn't be grieving. As we all know, people have are hard time understanding what someone is going through if they haven't been through it. I hope that you are able to find peace.

[Neta]

Welcome, 2 pregs that were ectopic, 1 failed IVF last week and I am still here even when I dont feel like being. You are going to make it through, stay encouraged, as I to am trying to do. Be encouraged no matter what is going on.

[emmaelson]

Thankyou evryone, you all seem so nice.
Neta i am so sorry to hear about your losses and your treatment not working i wish you all the very best of luck.

[Neta]

Thank you sweetheart... It is hard but we can make it........ we can......

[emmaelson]

Your msg has realy made a diffrence to me i have never met anyone that has had any losses before, i know im not on my own. You seem so strong i realy wish i could have the same determination as you. I wish you the best i realy do and hope your angels are resting peacefully, god bless.

[Neta]

Originally Posted by emmaelson

Your msg has realy made a diffrence to me i have never met anyone that has had any losses before, i know im not on my own. You seem so strong i realy wish i could have the same determination as you. I wish you the best i realy do and hope your angels are resting peacefully, god bless.

Thank you, I have a strong support system, my DH and my SIL, and friends, they have encouraged me through this.... at times I want to be mad at others and even GOD but he is testing me how can something so right go so wrong? So since I know this is a test I want to study a little more and pass it with flying colors. It doesn't get easier this I know, as a matter of fact this IVF was harder for me to comprehend than my previous ectopics..... Im encouraged as they tell me go there but don't stay there.

[emmaelson]

I hope you keep being so strong and staying so posotive you truily deserve what you will hopefully one day achieve, i know my journey hasnt been as painfull as yours but i realy feel for you, why is it that the people who want them the most are the people who struggle to get them. I realy wish you luck for next time. I done a hpt yesterday and it was a bfn so had a very down day yesterday but dh doesnt understand how much it knocks us back.

[Neta]

Originally Posted by emmaelson

I hope you keep being so strong and staying so posotive you truily deserve what you will hopefully one day achieve, i know my journey hasnt been as painfull as yours but i realy feel for you, why is it that the people who want them the most are the people who struggle to get them. I realy wish you luck for next time. I done a hpt yesterday and it was a bfn so had a very down day yesterday but dh doesnt understand how much it knocks us back.

Emmaelson, you are strong to you know how I know? You are able to acknowledge that this has taken a toll on you and you are not letting it keep you down, or else you would not want to talk to anyone about this you would want to do what I wanted to do last week stay in bed not talk to anyone on the phone not get on the computer...up until yesterday believe it or not I busted out crying everytime someone asked how everything was going with the IVF............. this is my reaction but today I am more encouraged, so please do not let me give you false pretense I was a hot mess but I am so grateful today, I get to gothrough FET now prayerfully that will be it. And you my dear keep on going we can make it....we can make it. Your DH is hurt inside men tend not show it he has to be strong for you and let you know it is nothing you have or have not done if he breaks down then both of you will be no good to the next..... so he cares just cling to eachother and decide your next step.... Here I was going to give up my embies for adoption since I had so many and I ended up needing them myself.... how ironic....

[lovingwife]

to the forum Emma. My situation is very similiar to yours. I had a miscarriage Nov. 2006 after trying for 8 months. After the m/c all I wanted to to be pregnant again. We haven't had any succes so we started seeing an RE in 10/2007. I had a lap yesterday and they found stage 2 endo. So, Im really hoping whatever he was able to clear up will help us get pregnant either on our own or with assistance. The lap is not too bad. You'll be under general anasthesia and they give you good meds to help with the pain afterwards. I was really freaked out about it, but looking back it wasn't so bad. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions about the lap.

[sunny72]

I'm sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage after our first IVF last year and haven't had any luck conceiving since. All I want is a sibling for my daughter, but we may have to move on soon and either think of adoption or living as a unit of 3.

[wannabigbabybelly]

A miscarraige isn't easy, infact sometimes I think as time goes on it gets harder (especially around the time your baby would have been due). It really kicks you in the butt, when you felt you had accepted it and then something happens, you see something on tv, hear a song, or see someone else pregnant or holding a newborn and that pain comes back to you of what could have been.

I'm not sure if it will ever go away.

I too am of the mindset that once I get pregnant and actually have one of my own everything will be all better...but I'm not so sure that is true...infertility and pregnancy losses have changed me FOREVER. Maybe it's unrealistic to think all the pain/loss etc will go away as soon as you have that baby in your arms.

As you'll find out once you have a loss that pregnancy innocense is also lost...when you do get pregnant...there will always be that worry that something will go wrong.

But I believe it will make me a better Mom in the end...knowing how hard and how long we have prayed and really wanted that child. It makes me a better Mom now to my kids I have through adoption.

Through struggles and trials we grow stronger and our ability to love, cherish, and realize the blessings we have become stronger as well. We might not take as much for granted that others would. We'll treasure in our hearts a little more every minute we have with our children...knowing the struggle it took to get to that point.

But your loss/pain is real. Don't try and hide it or push it aside...but do what you need to do to work through it...and to live with it.

For me that is jumping back on the horse and trying once again...over and over again...having hope that someday all our efforts and hardships along the way will bring us that most longed for blessing.

And at the very least we'll know that we tried everything we could and it either was or wasn't meant to be. All we can do is give it our best the rest is up to God...we are in his hands.

[emmaelson]

Hi evryone thankyou for replying to me.
It realy upsets me when i see someone with a baby bump i know its a bit silly but i only have to watch someone on telly and it upsets me even though i know its just a pillow shoved up their top. I think it upsets me more because i think that my tummy should be that big now because my baby would have been due on the 24th April this year and i cant stop thinking about what he/she would have looked like and why he/she got took away from me, as i dont drink alcohol and i dont smoke and i eat healthily so i never done anything that could have harmed it. I thought it would have been easier if me and dh said that the baby was a little girl and we named her Lowis i know it might be a bit silly but it did sort of help a little bit at the time. But now i have got the 24th April rapidly approaching and i am scared of how i am going to feel. Me and dh said we would have a bit of quality time together and go shopping and then book into a fancy hotel for the night so we had a change of scenery and to try and take our minds of it a little bit, but i dont think it is going to work i am trying to stay posotive but it is so hard i should be so close to holding my baby in my arms but i never will.
love emma

[wannabigbabybelly]

DH and I kinda went on a shopping spree the week that baby would have been due.

We bought a bunch of baby stuff that we had picked out on our registery that we had started right when we found out we were pregnant with our first.

Probably not the best idea....as we didn't really have the money to spend all at once. But it was good shopping therapy.

It gave us hope and determination that "WE WILL have our own baby someday!!!"

And for now our foster baby is using all those items...so it's not just a closet full of stuff that would be a shrine to our baby. We're putting it to use for the time being and also trying to plan out our nursery.

When we do get pregnant and have one of our own we're figuring it will probably be our "only" one and last time becoming parents...so we want everything to be perfect and ready for him/her or "them" when the time comes.

Plus paying for all the major stuff now...will leave us less to buy when we actually do get pregnant again and have a baby on the way.

We're also planning on keeping this baby set Forever....to always have a nursery type thing set up in our home for when our grandkids come to visit someday. So, we wanted soemthing that would last forever and not go in or out of stule..so we just went with a neutral...teddy bear theme...from eddie bauer that we LOVE!!!