[HoosierFriend]

I have a dear friend who has suffered 3 miscarriages in the past year. I do not have any children yet so I am often at a loss in terms of what to say to her. The first and third miscarriage were in the first trimester, her second one was at 23 weeks. She got pregnant with the third less than 2 months after she lost her second one. Her doctor told her to wait a minimum of 3 cycles, but she is obsessed with getting pregnant. She currently has two perfectly healthy children (ages 2 & 4).

I understand her desire to have another child, but I wonder if this is God's way of saying she needs to wait or that maybe she shouldn't have any more children. Obviously, I can't say these things to her, so what do I say? I don't want her to do any damage to her body. I don't know what her husband thinks of all this, but it doesn't appear that he's saying they need to wait.

How can I, as a friend for 26 years yet a non-mother, express my concern without offending? I am so sorry that she's going through this, but I wish she would listen to her doctors and her body and wait. Her 4 year old is still trying to comprehend the loss of his "baby brother" a few months ago.

What can I do or say?

[frymomma2b]

I think it is kind of you to look to us for advice on the situation before going to her. It shows how much you truely do care but in all honesty i have to say that she either will not listen or will get upset no matter how you put it. The desire for another child is obviously one she is not willing to give up any time soo (i dont blame her). The fact that you are not going though the same thing may infact anger her because to her "you dont know what she is going through". I am sure you mean well but there is just no one who can tell her something except her doctor and even then she may not listen. I have had two early m/c and my friend expressed concern and asked me to rest a while. I knew she meant well but i couldnt listen because we do not want to rest till we have the desire of our heart. Her body is fine and will be ok even if she has anoth m/c. It is just like carrying a child, there is no harm in trying right after with early m/c (doctors just use it as a precaution). Her Phycological well being may need some help but all that consist of is you being a good friend like you have been. Keep on being there for her and dont get to worried about when she stops trying. Best wishes and prayers

Lorry

[Kimnobie]

Yeah, I agree with Lorry- not much you can say that won't alienate her. You sound like a great friend and so I would say...just keep being that friend. Sounds like she's altelast under the care of doctors, so I would leave the health concerns to them for now. At the most, encourage her to listen to her doctors and to take their advice because they usually have a good reason for what they recommend.

Sometimes, thinking about "next time" is the only way to heal...so I'd be afraid that if you told her to wait- you'd be telling her not to hope.

Good luck to you and your friend. Its never wrong to care that much about someone!