[marilynn]

I just wanted to see what people's thoughts were on this question. Do you think there are any ethical or moral issues related to trying to get pg again if there is a high chance of m/c? In other words, is it okay to continue to try to bring little lives into the world if there seems to be a slim chance at their survival? I honestly don't want to be controversial, but rather, I am curious about what other people thought about this because after my last m/c I am beginning to feel somewhat ambivalent about trying again (even though I want to be a mother more than anything).

On one hand I think, quitting could be like giving up on humanity and the potential for renewed life. On the other, I wonder if it is greedy to keep on trying if these little one's don't have a strong chance. (I don't want to offend people because I know not everybody believes in God or is spiritual in the way I am, but these are just my thoughts).

[rebekkahlahey]

iVE HAD TWO MISCARRIAGES AND IVE ALWAYS DEBATED THIS SINCE I LOST OUR SECOND. BUT I DONT THINK WE CAN GIVE UP. I FEEL LIKE MY PURPOSE IN LIFE AND WHAT WILL MAKE ME COMPLETE IS MAKING A LIFE WITH MY HUSBAND. I AM BEING RESPONSIBLE AND HAVEING EVERY TEST ON THE PLANET TO SEE IF WE CAN PIN POINT WHY IT HAPPENED AND I THINK AS LONG AS YOU MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO AVOID THAT SAME FATE, THEN MORALY ITS CLEAR.

[fossie]

I think for whatever reason the babies that we lose were not meant to be ours, but that doesn't mean that we quit trying to find the one that is!

[meremere]

I have struggled with this for years! I was determined to have my tubes tied after my last loss, I had had enough! but both DH and my then Dr ( who I love but I moved accross the country away from) convinced me not to. I can tell you my parents were MAD MAD when I decided one more try. But it was like God was telling me do not give up on Him or His plan for us. And then WHAM, we moved from Texas to Seattle and 4 days( yes 4 days) I got pregnant and well I am due in 7 weeks. I can say it was terrifying in the begenning, I cried a lot, found new Dr's, and was there all the time becuase they knew my history and they watched me like a hawk. But I now have to decide to have my tubes tied after Jason arrives I just can not go through it again! next one will be adopted. All I can say is pray about it, and rest assured that God has a plan for you, it is so hard to understand that plan at times but He has one! The very best of luck to you!

[marilynn]

Mere, Fossie and Rebekah, I can't thank you enough for responding because I really needed to hear someone else's thoughts on this. As I have heard many times before on this board before, your comments made me feel not so alone in my struggles.

My husband and I will continue working through this. I am leaning towards another try because my RE may be closer to diagnosing what is going wrong. During my last pg, I tested positive for primary antiphospholipid syndrome (results came in after baby was already gone). We're waiting for the genetic testing to see if there were any chromosonal abnormalities with our last pg. If not, then he's thinking I have blood that tends to clot which is not good for vascular health. Too bad, things have to go wrong before they can diagnose it.

Again, thank you for your response.

[meremere]

marilyn, make sure they check you for the blood clotting thing! i was checked on my last pregnancy but it was to late! i do have that issue and I have to have 2 shots in the tummy twice a day. it is not as bad as it sounds and it is worth it. I would bet they would put you on Lovenox if that is the issue, heperin is in a nationwide recall right now. I got used to the shots and deal with it. It is all about your drive for a baby and your pain tollerance, I will say it hurts more the bigger you get as the stomach gets bigger. if that is the issue you got it made kid! I also had chromozomal issues, for some odd reason all the losses I had were little girls, this one is a boy and he took off, it could be something like that. I hate hate hate the term un-explianed infertility, I think it should be banned, there is always a reason, just may take some digging, some praying and a lot of tests, but there is a reason for everything.
Just keep going!

[rebekkahlahey]

Im glad I helped. And Im glad they found the APLS! Thats great news, a loss from blood clots can be prevented with Baby asprin and Heprin. I know that doesnt take all the fear out of the process, but it makes you in charge of whats happening. And gives great hope. Ive been tested for almost averything under the sun and i keep popping up +APLS just to come up neg the confirm test. So I take asprin daily. It gives me a feeling of prevention. I know that youll be blessed soon with a healthy baby and your re will not let this tradgy happen again. Darci Klein once said doctors try to use the stat that 50% of early preg loss is just nature taking care of a chrom. problem, but what about the other 50%? There is a treatable condition that will stopr this from happening again. I so just butchered her words but I hope it helped.