[bbking_88]

i am 19, i have been going to an endocrine for 3 years and the only thing they've done is started my puberty and I know I will not have kids, and since she told me that 2 and a half years ago i have pretty much been depressed since, i think about it all the time. i also think that i dont want to start a relationship because i have this feeling that they will not accept the fact that they know that they will not be able to have *their own* kids. i had a friend that thought that way and i told him that i had it and was compassionate about it but the next night we were drinking with a big group and he said "i would never ever date someone that i knew couldn't have kids, and if i found out we couldn't i would definetely dump her". i think that was the biggest reason that i feel the way i do, does anyone have any ideas as to how i can try and get over any of this or anyway to be even a slight bit more comfortable with it?

[biggsista]

Hi Sweetie,
I'm sure it is tough hearing all this stuff but keep your chin up. Sometimes it is hard confiding in people that don't understand what you are going through and I imagine even tougher with your peers at 19. I have chosen my friends wisely and have chosen to lose some along this journey of infertility. Sometimes, people not going through this just don't understand and I have accepted that.

I don't know what your diagnosis is but would you have eggs that may be able to be frozen? If not there are other ways that you may be able to have children, it is tough to accept the fact that they might not be biologically yours but many women on here can speak with you. I see lots that have used egg doners and they are very happy with their decisions.

We had to use a sperm doner because my husbands counts are very low. (they also told me that it was a slim chance of using my own eggs but it worked after many tries) It was a hard decision at first but we are happy just to be able to be parents and have a family, regardless of where the sperm came from, this baby is ours to love and grow with.

I would suggest counceling to talk about this and your future relationships. Someday you will need to discuss this with someone your ready to settle down with and hopefully he will be the man that loves you for who you are and not whether or not you can give him your biological children. Well good luck and keep us posted. This is a great site with lots of support, it has helped me a huge deal over the past few years!!

[bbking_88]

well the doctors have told me that i have no ovaries according to 2 ultrasounds, so i dont have any eggs to spare, so biological children are out of the question. the next best thing i could do is get eggs from my mom. the diagnosis so far has been pruimary prepubertal ovarian failure, hypothyroidism, hypogonadism? a thought in my ec's head. and i have a pituitary adenoma, on top of that i have epilepsy and the drugs i am taking dilantin are reducing the effectiveness of my ovral (hormone replacement therapy), i believe that this whole thing is a big linked up mess becuz if the lcoation of the tumour is in the rite spot then it could be the WHOLE thing, including the epilepsy. but my doctors think different and they wont send me to see a gyno becuz to them it is for sure for sure a hormonal problem and nothin physical but my original pediatric endo said that i had a small abnormal shaped uterus, now u would think that those are physical elements, the whole missing ovaries and weird uterus...? they seem to think differently. this issue just eats me up every day, becuz i no that i will never have my own children, i have thought about suicide, but im scared of death... so thats out the window and ive seen a councillor about this and they just talk to me like im an idiot....so that is only a tad effective for gettting this depression of my chest. but i try and play it off with most ppl like its not a huge issue becuz if they know it hurts me then they just look at me like im a little baby, so i just try and i guess u could say fake who i am and apparently ive fooled some ppl but i cant fool myself...

[jeff&crystal]

Have you tried getting another opinion about this? Maybe you should think about seeing a different doctor.

[biggsista]

I would definately insist on seeing someone else just for your own sanity. I know this is difficult but you will pull through this and yes you will have your up and down days but after many years of tears and discussion we decided that having a biological child was not as important to us as just being able to be parents.

Life is not fair sometimes but I do have faith that we were put here for a reason and if that reason was to someday us adopt a child that needed a home that would have been our path meant for us. I am not going to tell you to just snap out of it, because it is not that easy but ending your life is certainly not the answer. If you are not happy with your doctors and or your councilor seek other ones in with you feel comfortable with..

I had one councilor that I went to in the beginning of my treatment and all of a sudden a few months went by and she started to "show" she was pregnant, needless to say I left her in a hurry, I thought it was horrible of her not to tell me and to come in to discuss my feelings and watch her start rubbing her belly was shattering to me..anywho, I'm sure you get the idea. Maybe you can find a support group in your area? Keep us posted and I hope you have better days. You will I promise. Chin up.
Hugs

[bbking_88]

the one reason i think this bothers me even more or pushes me over the edge is becuz when i was in high school i worked in a grocery store and i got asked many many times whether i was expecting, or eating for two...etc. but this year was the worst i thot i had gotten over that stage but i was at my grandma's funeral (bless her soul) and friend of my aunts said oh r u expecting a little one? or something to that effect and anytime anyone says that i just reply nicely o no im just fat.... as much as i would like to say shut the F*CK UP but thats inappropriate...that also has affected my confidence and feelings towards ,y health issues

[bbking_88]

actually this is the second endocrine ive seen and honestly shes like wonderful compared to the other one i had, the other one i had, had me on 0.5 estrace to get me started and she did that for 6 months and nothin happened so she said lets keep tryin that and see if it works adn again no difference so she put me on alesse 21's and i was so moody and depressed but i turned 18 and my new endocrine has done more in 6 months than my other one did in 2 and 1/2 yrs. but still nothings happened, i am 19 and ive got breast buds and i havent had a period, but i keep growing, right now im just under 5' 11" and my hips havent moved one bit so i have a gut that ive tried to lose and no self confidence to boot

[CryingInside]

Hi BB. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with these issues and at such a young age. My fertility problems started at age 17 when I decided that I wanted to have a baby as a junior in high school (and most people thought that I was way to young to be thinking about fertility so I'm sure you are probably receiving the same kind of reaction).

If your insurance covers it you could definately make yourself an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist. If nothing else you would at least get a second opinion on your fertility.

If it is true that you do not have ovaries it will be incredibly difficult to deal with as you are finding now. But, I also believe that we are all put here on earth and in each other's lives for a reason and that reason may just be that there will be a perfect child born just for you. And, in time you will find the perfect partner who will love you for the person that you are, not for your reproductive health.

There are so many options now too. If you choose to use donor eggs, you may still be able to experience pregnancy. If that doesn't work for you, you may be able to use a surrogate mother with donor eggs and your future husband's sperm. Adoption is another viable option for you.

Of course right now getting your health straightened out is the most important thing for you, including being healthy mentally. There are many resources available as far as counseling goes. I have searched online and found Hannah's Hope Ministries. They have what they call Hope Partners which is someone who has been through fertility treatments or is going through them who will be online support for you. They may be great support for you. You can also search the Resolve and Inciid websites to see if there are support group meetings near you.

This website is a great support, even if you aren't going through fertility treatments, just getting someone to talk to helps.

One more thing, don't be afraid to change doctors many times until you find the one that works for you. Even if one is helping more than the last one, if you still aren't getting your questions answered find one that will.

If you want to talk privately you can always PM me and I will be happy to talk to you some more! Good luck!

[Neta]

Originally Posted by bbking_88

actually this is the second endocrine ive seen and honestly shes like wonderful compared to the other one i had, the other one i had, had me on 0.5 estrace to get me started and she did that for 6 months and nothin happened so she said lets keep tryin that and see if it works adn again no difference so she put me on alesse 21's and i was so moody and depressed but i turned 18 and my new endocrine has done more in 6 months than my other one did in 2 and 1/2 yrs. but still nothings happened, i am 19 and ive got breast buds and i havent had a period, but i keep growing, right now im just under 5' 11" and my hips havent moved one bit so i have a gut that ive tried to lose and no self confidence to boot

Okay,
I am not a counselour but this how I am feeling after reading your quote. First off forget what others think, I think 1 of the other ladies said it best, pick ur friends wisey, and stll feed them with a long handle spoon. The idea of having some of ur moms eggs really doesn't sound like a bad idea??? I have never heard of it but then again this is the 1st time I have read on this site someone as young as yourself with this issue. Anther thing is u need to love ur self u were made unique and for a given purpose and u do not know what the future may bring 4 u. Get as much info about fertility as u can call some reproductive specialist and ask them what r ur chances, an endo does deal with the female body but the re deals with her fertile body. And if all else fails, think of all these beautiful children that 1 day may need someone just as special as u in their lives.. Keep ur head up and focus on ur future crazy things have happened.... hugs to u ..

[bbking_88]

well i talked to my fam doc and sometime this month im goin to see a gyno and get a scope done...hes gonna talk to my endocrine about putting me on testosterone to give me a libido...he mentioned to me that she doesnt like to talk about the sex perspective of anything so he would ask me for her...im a little anxious to hear about a gyno appt. its a step in the right direction at least...so well see where this leads to.....i will keep posted about whats happening