My husband and I have been TTC for about 3 years now without any success. I've been going to a fertility dr for a while but he cannot give us an explanation why we cannot conceive. But anyway, we decided to adopt from CHI in Tampa. He is my problem, is EVERYWHWERE I go it seems everyone is pregnant, the mall, out to dinner, movies, & the store. I am finishing my nursing degree and I sit by 2 women who are both 6 months along (boy, do they complain), a good friend of ours just found out she was pregnant, and then my sister told me she is trying to conceive. (she already has a 2.5 yo) I try to be happy for everyone by it is so hard, I cry a lot and I'm a little depressed. My husband gets so upset with me, he says he understands but I don't think he does. I'm looking forward to adopting, and I thought I had come to terms with this but now I wonder if I really have? Does anyone have any advice?

[BrandyHagz]

Wow,

It sounds like you’re really having a hard time. I know for me, I really needed to take the time to come to terms with my infertility. I needed to mourn the biological children I was trying to conceive, and with the help of a great therapist, I was able to come to terms with the loss.

Do you know of a local infertility support group? If not, maybe something on line would help.

Adoption is a wonderful way to create a family, but its really important to take time for you, and grieve your loss.

No, it's not just you by a looooong shot. Know that there are lots of us primary infertiles who experience the same feelings, regardless of how happy we are to adopt. The pain is acute, off and on, until you have a baby in your arms.

Hold onto hope. It's there.

Hi, yes there are many of us who have discovered that infertility is a fact of our lives. It does not go away when a baby is in your arms. You get a chance to parent when you adopt. It does not make you able to concieve a child.

The sadness, sense of loss, feeling of no control over your body, come and go depending on what is happening in your life at the time. I cried for 16 years on and off until we adopted the first time. It came back when we were waiting for the second adoptive placement. And it was just as painful to have no control over planning a sibling for our first child.

It is important to separate your infertility loss from the adoption of your child. They are two separate circumstances with different emotions for you. Deal with one and rejoice in the other. There is a nationwide organization called RESOLVE which helps people deal with infertility issues. Take care and go ahead and grieve. That is what people do when they are faced with a big disappointment.

You are definitely not alone! My hubby and I tried to conceive for 5 years. We went through all of the medical stuff: surgeries, tests, shots, IVF you name it but unfortunatley, we never succeeded.

We are in the adoption process now and while that is exciting and a new kind of hope, I still grieve for the fact that I will never give birth to a child. I grieve for the babies I've lost through IVF. I grieve -- period. The feelings come and go. Holidays tend to be hard but you can also have these feelings sneak up on you. I was sitting at my dining room table watching it snow the other evening and tears just flooded down my cheeks and I felt a deep sense of loss.

It will be a part of your life but like with all grief, it will not be the main part of your life forever. The pain will subside but never go away. What you are experiencing is very normal.

Good luck to you!

I went through many years of infertility. We finally gave up and adopted a son last year from Russia.
I cried for years, I could not be happy for anyone that conceived. I know this was wrong of me , but it's how I felt.
Once we adopted our son , I was finally able to be happy for others. I would like another child and just do not have the money to pursue adoption again or infertility treatments.
It never totally goes away. I still feel a little pang of jealousy whenever someone tells me they are pregnant or trying. I guess the feeling that I cannot have a child whenever I feel like it like others can still bothers me.
There are support groups, it is wonderful to have others to talk to. The only people who truely understand how you feel are others that have been through or are going through the same thing.
Family is no help. My mother said she understood, but I know she was angry with me for not being happy whenever one of my sisters announced they were pregnant. Parents get excited over having another grandchild and they will never understand.

Vicki H

DH and I have primary infertility. We didn't try ttc for too long (2 years). We had a successful IVF cycle a little over a year ago but had a miscarriage at about 10 weeks. It was then that I realized that I wanted to be a mommy and I decided I wanted to stop pursuing pregnancy. Our adorable daughter Ella was born in January and it has been the most wonderful and joyous experience of my life. Her Birthmother is wonderful and we have such a sweet relationship. I wish I could have seen into the future 3 years ago and I would have known everything would turn out just as it should. I cried many times... especially after we lost our pregnancy (I saw pregnant women everywhere, not to mention I had my 3 sister-in-laws pregnant and we were all due a month apart). When we started the adoption process I felt as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I new it was only a matter of time... This is where faith comes in. If you want to be parents you will find a way. And when you have your sweet angel home with you, you will think "of course... I should have known this is how it was going to be... this is right" (Ok this is how I felt... hopefully you will feel the same.

Good luck and I wish you the best!

What a Small World. DH and I are in New Port Richey and picked CHI of Tampa too.

I understand what you're going though really. Some days it seems every time I turn around there is a baby toy commercial, or someone is yelling at their children. I just want to scoop up those little ones and hold them close.

It's okay to greive your loss. Because it truly is a loss. My insight is limited, but if you want a "local ear". I'm here.

We used to feel the same way (3 of the men in my cubicle "pod" at work all are expecting children in May - in addition to 4 friends!). However since we have made the decision to adopt - it feels like things about adoption are all over the place. Maybe it's just what you are tuned into!

I used to feel soooooooo bad before, now it is not so bad but that feeling comes sometimes. At least I do not cry and cry as before.

I used to ask god, Why are you doing this to me? what have I done to deserve this?

I have been TTC for 4 years with no success (several miscarriages). After the last miscarriage I kind of lost the hope and desire of having a biological child. You can´t imagine how much I cried, because for me it was kind of the final grief.

I think that everyone has their own time to accept and get over the fact of not being able to conceive. May be that feeling will not go away completely but it definetely gets better with time.

The idea of adoption has been very helpfull in my case and I am very exited to be a mom over anything (pregnancy, etc)

Good luck and do not worry, you will be just fine.

Pat

[CHJH]

Hi there. You post really caught my eye. My husband and I are TTC without any luck, so adoption is a definite option for us too. I hope that you can start to get really excited about a little baby girl from China, even though people around you are having biological children. From what I've read, the minute you hold your baby in your arms you realize that it was all meant to be, not matter what kind of roller coaster ride you had to take to become a mother.

[fatima]

Hi, my name is fatima. I think i can understand the pain u r going through because i have been trying to get for almost 7 yeras now....i have gone through IUI's and 2 IVf's but no luck, and everyone around me are having babies and it is even more difficult when some one got married after i did and already have 2 kids. I also think of adopting but my family is not yet agreeing me on that.

[cowgirlprincess26]

Trust me it is not just you. I feel the same way. We have been TTC for close to 2 years now... 1 year naturally and 1 year with a doctor. Every where I look there is a pregnant woman or pregnant woman with 2 or 3 kids in tow. It saddens me and I cry sometimes. I know my husband tries to understand, but he doesnt and when I try to explain it then I hear you must think I don't understand cuz I am a man and its not that at all, but this is my body and our infertility that I sometimes feel alone in this cuz I have to take the meds and tests and what not. But you are certainly not alone in this.

Originally Posted by jrmuslin

My husband and I have been TTC for about 3 years now without any success. I've been going to a fertility dr for a while but he cannot give us an explanation why we cannot conceive. But anyway, we decided to adopt from CHI in Tampa. He is my problem, is EVERYWHWERE I go it seems everyone is pregnant, the mall, out to dinner, movies, & the store. I am finishing my nursing degree and I sit by 2 women who are both 6 months along (boy, do they complain), a good friend of ours just found out she was pregnant, and then my sister told me she is trying to conceive. (she already has a 2.5 yo) I try to be happy for everyone by it is so hard, I cry a lot and I'm a little depressed. My husband gets so upset with me, he says he understands but I don't think he does. I'm looking forward to adopting, and I thought I had come to terms with this but now I wonder if I really have? Does anyone have any advice?