[giannalove]

2 years ago when we started trying, celebrities were not having babies THIS much. I hear the baby name I picked out EVERYWHERE, when before, I had never. My friends are deciding that NOW they want babies, my sister was dating a completely different guy (2 years ago) than she is now, she decided to try, and in 4 months, is PREGNANT. I. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND. And it just seems like no one gets it!!! I feel like NO ONE deserves it more that a couple trying for YEARS! (awful, I know...) I can't help it. I have so many ?'s for my DR, but I have heard them all before. I need to DO something, but I don't know WHAT. Does anyone understand??!?! It would really help to talk to someone going through the SAME thing. Do infertility support groups help?

[Kimmyblueiis]

I just wanted to send you a big hug!! I remember so well the pain of being where you are. There is hope. We had been married and not using birth control for 10yrs, actively trying (charting, monitors, treatments,etc) for 6yrs and suffered through 3 miscarriages before we finally got pregnant with our twins. I never joined a support group, but I think it would have helped.
Hugs
Kimmy

[tulip23]

Jenna .First a huge hug for you as a welcome gesture to this forum. Believe me you are at the right place. I'm not sure about other forums but I know for sure that this forum did help me a lot through thick and thin. I have been trying since 2001 and after numerous treatments and 3 IVF cycles I finally got pregnant. So you have no reason to give up hope so soon.
Does anyone understand? Yes yes yes, everyone here understands the pain of infertility. We are all here to get and give support , hope , advice and a shoulder to cry on as well as share each others joy . Look at the signatures of members here and you would notice that there are so many who have been through so much and still have the courage to keep trying and never lose hope. Get inspired by them, talk to them if you want to and share what you feel if that is a purgative for you.
There will be many days when you would feel that its gross unfair that everyone around you is popping babies and here you are trying so hard and still waiting for your turn. Its normal to feel the way you do and every now and then you would find someone in the forum who posts a thread reflecting your frustration. so yes we all have had our days.But amidst all this don't forget to share the joy of someone around you who gets pregnant..its easy to complain and feel bad for yourself everytime you hear about someone's pregnancy but it takes more courage to share their joy ....and remember, being around pregnant people, helping them around and sharing their happiness might just rub off some positive vibes on to you ..soon you might have the same people cheering for you and your would be baby ..just stay positive and try to be happy as much as you can.You too will have your day .

[Daria]

Gianna - I know exactly how you feel. Almost all my best friends have managed to get prego with out even trying in the last 3 months and heres me who has been trying for 2.5 years and paying all this money to go to a RE and had 2 misscarrages and no one seems to care. No one is even sensitive to what I must be feeling. They all go on and on about being prego and send me pictures of ultra sounds and talk to me as if I haven't even been trying. It gets so frusterating sometimes because I want this so bad. I am so glad that I found this website it has really helped me to read what other people have to say that are going through the same stuff. Your post sounds exactly how I feel as well. I am a positive person and I know that we will get prego and it will be even more special to people like us that have had to struggle. Good luck to you.
Daria

[Michelle9876]

Gianna, big hugs to you. So many of us know exactly how you feel. DH and I have been trying for almost 4 years now. I've had friends left and right have children over the past 3 years... just after we started seeing a Dr for lack of results. Even friends who also were having fertility problems and saw REs after we were seeing them became pregnant.
Through all those frustrating moments I have found comfort in just coming to this site and reading some of the posts. You'll also learn a lot more about the process of going through the whole infertility work up and treatments here if you haven't already started that process. You may want to talk to your doctor about referring you to a RE if you haven't already started seeing someone.

[allIwant]

Michelle9876, I feel exactly were you are coming from, it is very painful to see everyone enjoying the most precious gift there is. I have prayed and prayed and to be honest with you have became very angry and upset with God, because everywhere I go I see others with child and some whom appear to don't even deserve to have that precious gift, and then you see those who have and don't give a flip or attend to the most important necessities of raising a child. I hope that you are doing well and that you are making significant progress to having your hearts desire. Please please keep the faith and I wil as well, eventhough its hard at times.

[msnoonoo]

Do these forums help? Absolutely yes! I am not sure about other forums, but this one is the best (in my opinion). My husband and I have been together 10 years, married 6 1/2 years, and were trying over two, almost three years to have a baby. Without the support I find here, I don't think I could have survived through all my friends' pregnancies and through the failed cycles. You will be able to find all kinds of answers to your questions and support for anything you are going through. Whatever you are going through or have gone through, someone here has experienced the same thing.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that this forum provides you with the support it has given me.

[HeatherGrat]

I want to reach out and hug you too and I completely understand. I am standing in your shoes, my friend.. so consider this a virtual shoulder to lean on. I know you're beating yourself up about feeling like your friends/family don't "deserve" to be expecting after hardly trying at all because Im sure you're a great person and these negative feelings aren't like you. I am exactly where you are - my best friend since high school only met a guy in October and nonchalantly told me she was "trying" right before Christmas because this guy said he wanted a baby by the time he's 30. I was devastated. She knows the trials my husband and I have faced and was so insensitive. one week later she called me, while I was in the mall and told me she's pregnant. Since then she's been complaining about not feeling well, acting like its a huge inconvenience. I've completely pulled away - I just cant go there. It's too painful. I feel selfish and terrible but I read somewhere something that you should keep in mind too - it's not selfishness, it's self-preservation. If it's bothering you and adding extra stress to you at a time when you need to be relaxing and focusing in you and your husband and your quest to make a child then it's okay.
It's all okay. Self preservation. Its normal.
Just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when it all works out you'll be so happy and you'll appreciate your blessing more than someone who was lucky enough to have it happen right away.
In the meantime - take care of you and don't beat yourself up. You're doing the best you can for you.

[giannalove]

Heather, and all the other kind words-
How funny it is that your name is heather (if thats true), my best good friend's name is heather.
After finding out that my sister (trying for 7 months, preg for the 2nd time with a man she has been dating for less than a year) is preg, I have pulled away from her. We talked everyday about things, even about our cycles, and now I cant think about her without getting upset and sad for myself. She called me tonight, and asked what i wanted from her, and it killed me. I just CANT talk about her pregnancy, but when I am in her shoes, I WANT to talk to her about mine. That is UNFAIR!! I know it is wrong of me to feel that way, but like i said before, i feel like no one else deserves it but US! Will I ever get over this? Will it take ME getting preg before I can talk to my own sister about ANYTHING?! I feel really torn, but when I dont think about her or talk to her, I am happier, and more understanding about how long it is taking us. Talking to her just puts huge weights on my shoulders and makes me more upset. Has anyone gone through this?!

[KatyC]

I definitely understand, all of my friends have had their first children and I started trying before any of them, long before any of them. I am the only one of my friends left without kids and its so hard to hang out with them, my three best friends all had daughters each a month apart, and its all they talk about, which is fine it should be all they talk about, but it has left me completely separate from them. I try to remember that they love me and just try to help but sometimes the "helpful" comments are so insulting and just show that they have no idea what I'm going through.

[casb77]

Oh, Jenna honey, we ALL understand how you feel. One of my best friends that was with me through the first couple years of our IF struggle and into us starting IVF got pregnant her very first month of trying. She told me at 6 weeks and I was OK talking to her about it because it was just us. Then when they announced it to everyone I just didn't want to talk about it anymore and she never understood. I felt like she had everyone in the world to talk to about her pregnancy and baby and I had three people to talk to about TTC. She just couldn't understand and eventually the friendship ended.

You'll likely go through several more phases of emotions as you go through this. Sometimes you'll be happy for your sister and sometimes you just won't. I've decided I don't have the energy to feel quilty about feeling my feelings, so I've distanced myself from most of our friends - you know, all the ones who have had 2 kids since we started TTC. It's self-preservation, but it's what I need to do to get through this.

You mentioned a support group, and if there's one in your area it would probably be helpful to share with others who know what you're going through. This forum is a great resource, too. It's what's kept me sane in the last year. So, join a support group, post here, get massages, do whatever you need to do to get through this incredibly difficult time in your life.

[giannalove]

I was wondering if an actual fertility group helps. The hopsital where my RE's office is has a general infertility group meeting every other friday. I feel kinda silly about going to one when even though we have been trying for 2 years, we have not gone through any IVF, IUI, drugs or anything else. Its all just emotional, and it's still just as painful. It that silly? Should we go?

Thank you for your support.

[casb77]

Originally Posted by giannalove

I was wondering if an actual fertility group helps. The hopsital where my RE's office is has a general infertility group meeting every other friday. I feel kinda silly about going to one when even though we have been trying for 2 years, we have not gone through any IVF, IUI, drugs or anything else. Its all just emotional, and it's still just as painful. It that silly? Should we go?

Thank you for your support.

You can always go a time or two and if it doesn't help then don't go back. If you're not sure about your journey lining up with the other group members', just ask one of the nurses or the RE. If they don't know they can probably put you in touch with whoever leads the discussion. I'd bet their are people at all different stages of their journey and you wouldn't be the only one who hasn't done all the ART stuff.

[Michelle9876]

I'm going through Feb IVF and joined the "february 2009" forum. I've found it unbelievably helpful. I personally, could never do the in person support groups because I would be all tears the WHOLE time.... I just know it. So while it might be good crying time, I don't know how much support it would be. Anyway, if I want a good cry, I just have to go to youtube and look up the laughing baby. You cry, then laugh, then cry again and maybe end up laughing before it's done.

Ahh, the emotions we feel during these trying times. When and if you start treatments, the hormones only make it worse. It's always great to come back to the forum and vent or just read what others are enduring and know you are not alone in the world. check out some of the groups in the forum category "Infertility Treatments". That's where I found the Feb 2009 cycle group. It's daily therapy and has kept me thinking positively for over a week now! #3 will work like a charm, I just know it.

All those pregnant people in my life I have kept at enough of a distance that I haven't had to deal with their pregnancy/motherhood woes. My sisters have unfortunate fertility issues of their own and we talk about our experiences, although I am the only one having undergone treatment. I pray we might all become pregnant around the same time so the anger and hostility I would feel if they became pregnant first would never materialize. Life never happens as planned though.

[giannalove]

Thanks Michelle, you are right too, about the in person fertility groups.
Luckily my sister lives 3000 miles away from me, but we Skype too. (web chatting) Her and our dad are coming over to New England to visit us in a 1 1/2 months. She'll be 3 months by then, and seeing her will kill me (if we arent preg yet). I really hope this month, if not next month is a good month!!!!