[Sabene]

Hey ladies,

I first thought it would be better for me emotionally to tell people what I was going through...in an effort to de-stigmatize infertility in my own circle and try and create a place where I could get sympathy when I needed it. Now I realize how STUPID people really are and wish I had never said a word. I am sick of people always asking me "are you pregnant yet" or worse, coming out with heinously crass remarks like "how's the baby-making thing going" like I get some kind of sick enjoyment from the whole process.

Should I lie and tell everyone we decided not to do this anymore just to get my privacy back? They aren't helping my emotional state anyway...only making things more awkward and unbearable.

[Peabody1]

I am sorry you are going through this. I probably wouldn't lie and say you aren't trying anymore. Maybe you could just tell them you don't want to talk about it because it stressful or something like that. It's hard dealing with work and ttc. My manager at work is the only one who knows I am actively trying and so far she has been very supportive and sensitive. She does not ask me for updates and I don't offer them.

Good luck to you.

[fuzzykitten]

Hi Sabene,

Oh I hate that too! I told my friend all about it, and then regretted it. So I stopped bringing it up, and she actually stopped asking me about it as much. Your situation might be different from mine; my friend has enough to talk about, so we focus on her, and that makes her happy enough.

Sure, she still asks a little from time to time, and I say "well, you know, it's going, it'll work out, we'll figure out something", and then she gives me some ridiculously hurtful suggestion, and I smile. I didn't lie, I never said "we've decided we don't want kids".

Feel free to vent here, we're all either going through the same thing, or have gone through it and will try to be sensitive.

[casb77]

Ugh, I'm so sorry. You certainly had good intentions, but it sounds like you're surrounded by a bunch of jerks. If you start answering every question by saying, "I'll let you know when there is anything to report" would they eventually get the hint and stop asking?

[amber.m]

Oh Bless your heart! I think many of have or are going through much the same thing.

People just don't think when it comes to things like these and especially those that have no trouble with ttc.

I would do what others have suggested and simply let them know that you prefer to not discuss the issue any longer as it is difficult enough already.

My thoughts are with you sweetie.
Hugs!

[Sabene]

Thank you so much for the kind replies! I think I will use the line suggested "I will let you know when there is anything to report". It is perfect....it says "back off" and "it's none of your business" and "leave me alone" all in one polite, comment-stopping phrase. Thank you!

[anne1140]

I'm in the place where I'm wondering if I should tell people. On the one hand, like you said, I want to de-stigmatize infertility. I don't want it to be so "hush hush". But at the same time, I'm worried about getting stupid comments or a pity party. I already get stupid comments, though, so I dunno. (Latest one: "You must be the only one here trying to keep your figure!" Said by older guy at church. Just about ALL the women my age are pregnant at church. I've been trying since before all but one of them.)

[busybee33]

Sabene that's a really good response! My standard has been "When I have anything to report, you will be the first to know". I still haven't found any really snappy and satisfying responses for the more rude or persistant comments, anyone have any that they use?

[merzl]

well this one is really crass and probably just as rude as they are being, but once i did respond to say 'we do it all the time - in fact, we did it just an hour ago, so i'll let you know.' that shut her up.

[InspiredbyHannah]

Ugh! I hear ya! It's amazing to me the things that come out of peoples mouths! If I could go back I wouldnt have told as many people as I did(only relatives and very close friends) and I would advise it for other people. It's not that you should be ashamed or "hush, hush" but, you have to protect yourself to some degree. People are constantly crossing the line with me: "pregnant yet?", "aren't you tired of "doing it"? I know I would be", and the worst "just stop thinking about it and it will happen".AHHH!The best response I had to that was "Well let me shove a nail in the bottom of your foot and when you walk, just dont think about it!". They usually either got it at that point or just got plain freaked out! I'm glad to know that here people understand....

[StillWaiting410]

Originally Posted by InspiredbyHannah

"Well let me shove a nail in the bottom of your foot and when you walk, just dont think about it!".

That explains IF in one sentence!


.

[msdizzydolores]

Wow. Some people do not know how to be sensitive or tactful at all.

I posted on my Facebook page that I was thinking about IVF and having a baby...one friend responded,
"ARE YOU EVEN MARRIED?"

Like that should matter!!!!

[abg9639]

I know what you mean. I am one of 3 women in my Army Reserve Unit and I made the mistake of mentioning that my husband and I were having issues conceiving. Every month when I go in, the guys ask, "You pregnant yet?" I know they mean well, but there are also those who crudely suggest, "Maybe you should try another sperm donor..." It's hard to deal with the comments, but equally hard to deal with those who are unaware of our fertility issues and ask, "So when are you guys going to have kids?" It's a lose lose.