[tko6666]

Maggiemay, Thanks for the warm welcome. I too remember you as well. I love to read about all of you amazing ladies, but sometimes I don't write, because I don't know where I fit in. I've joined a couple of due date threads only to have to leave after another miscarriage. Anyway, I certainly don't think you are stalkerish, if so, I may be even more.

I am so excited for you!! Making it past 10 weeks is a huge accomplishment. I know it's hard to get very excited. Here's some info my counselor said to me that I thought was very helpful. She said she really likes people to think neutral and not to be too positive or negative. I know this seems impossible, but I would try to remind myself to think neutral all during the day to get through. She also encouraged me to look at what we know for sure and to not get too wrapped up in the "what ifs" or "this happened last time" thinking. She would tell me, what we know for sure is that today you are pregnant. It's not about tomorrow or what happened all of the other times before. This is different, and today you are pregnant. It seems so obvious and simple, but this really helped me to keep things in perspective.

In regard to CGH testing, it is a very specialized type of PGD that has been around for quite a while, but has not been used for infertility yet. I really think it will revolutionize fertility for gals with older eggies!! They can look at all of the chromosomes from the embie itself, not just the gals chromosomes. They think it will be incredibally accurate when it becomes available (I was able to do it since I was in a study). As for our last pregnancy, they did do chromosomes, but they came back probably contaminated with my DNA (46XX). My RE really feels that it was a chromosomal abnormality based on the u/s pics.

Hope all of you gals have had a good weekend, ours was really fun and as always too fast.

[maggiemay]

Hi back at ya tkko! Thanks for not thinking I'm a stalker. I guess we all sort of are on here! So, since you were in the study, will you get to be in it again to try again? If its not too much to ask, will you try again?

I can only think we all have a feeling of wondering 'where do we fit in'??? When I wasn't pregnant I wondered that b/c of the girls who were pregnant and had success... but now that I am currently pregnant, I shouldn't fit in to the RPL gals either but it's the group of people I want to hear the most from... I think the issue is... we all fit in the RPL group... we're just at different stages. My RE even said it perfectly the last time I saw him, "you can not NOT plan your pregnancies in the future"... meaning... I'm never going to get to just "try" to get pregnant.

ALSo, I have a friend whose wife had 4 m/c's before she got pregnant with her fifth that stuck. I hope you keep trying tko.
m

[justone]

hi all, i'm new to this thread but not quite sure this is where I need to be. I unfortunately have had the chemical pregnancy route and have never made it past the 2nd beta. I have a very short cycle (22-24 days on the button) and the question has come up on natural cycles where I actually have not gotten until 30 days, was there a possibility that it was a pregnancy gone bad. I have just had recurrent loss testing done and I'm awaiting the results. I so hope they find something wrong so that maybe with this next IVF I can take something to help. Your stories are inspiring, and my heart and prayers are with all of you. As I read some of your stories, I don't think I'd be strong enough to continue on this journey after what you went through. I was miserable after my lowering beta's and can't even imagine being further along like you girls were. I think this is a valuable thread b/c it gives us something to ask our RE's about. I would never ever think I had a clotting issue but the more I read the more I see that it can often times go unnoticed so i'm glad I asked for the testing, even though RE thinks it's just old eggs (Did I mention that my DH and I have had unprotected for over 11 years). So sorry to babble but glad to read the success stories. good luck to all of you!

[DRB]

Hi Everyone. Wanted to get es.your prayers and good vibes as we are getting back on the "horse". After a lengthy sit down with my RE. He feels I have no issues, that the first blighted ovum was just that, and the second was "bad luck". Blood work up had everything in normal except this IGM medium positive which has nothing to do with pregnancy loss, or anything in that realm (IGG is the culprit). He thinks IVF with PGD is too agressive right now and wants to do one more IUI and see how it goes. If this one bombs again, we are off to do iVF with PGD in January. He says with with FSH of 6.2, high antral follicle count and getting pregnant each time- its just a numbers game. NICE. I am still on the fence about ALL the meds during IVF. There is really no long term data on their safety, and I am rather granola on taking meds right and left.

So, clomid starts Wednesday, IUI in a week. UUGH, here we go again. I am pleasantly neutral right now. Would it be nice to have that "first time excitement" again....

[maggiemay]

Justone: Hi there! WELCOME! I know this journey is hard. Unforntunatly, time doesn't even seem to heal the way it does with grief because we just keep trying! BUt, I can say this...I'm not extra strong. But the planning of trying the next time is what helped keep me sane. Because sitting on the idea of not being a mom was worse than the stress of conitnuing to keep trying. So, you can do it. You want... just one? right? You can do it. I think each loss I have grieved differently, and perhaps that is also helpful so that each little eggie had a chance at our love. Take your time now.. but you'll try again...and perhaps that will help your sanity. My RE thought I had old/bad eggies too.... I kept thinking..."there's got to be one good one in there!" Stick with us... keep babbling... you've tried unprotected sex... how long have you been under your RE's care?

DRB: I'm glad to hear more from you!
You know, my RE has wondered aloud if my "issues" were bad luck too. I don't know... I'm still going... maybe I could be proof we were just in the 'bad luck' club. I'd like to think so.... but what a hell of a way to go at it? eh?
You sound in a decent place! I love tko's example of staying in the neutral place. I'm still there. I told some people last night about the pregnancy and wished I could have gotten more excieted as they asked about due date and such... we're just not there... in that happy, innocence stage. We're at this crazy, happy but realistic stage... of "anything can happen and we just need to hang tight!"

If I can state my opinion, I think trying an iui is a good idea. You have said you don't have too much trouble "getting" pregnant... so keep rolling those dice to catch a good one!!!! =) If not this month... you at least tried one more month to stay away from those meds for one try longer!

GOOD LUCK and keep us posted!!!!
I think of you group of ladies every day!
maggie

[justone]

this is actually my third RE. First was just not aggressive and I kept doubting, the second one was great but he doesn't do IVF b/c he just has a small clininc in NH. They do all my us and blood work though while I'm stimming. The last is good. I've been with him since hmmm april maybe?. He has been thourough and is encouraged b/c i keep getting preg just don't stay preg. All my recurrentloss testing was normal but they are still wiating on the results of 2 tests. so we'll see. my fsh is also real good so they think I just have old bad eggs and I too have gotten the odds speech. kinda frustrating.

[JessStillWaits]

Thank you first of all for starting the RPL thread. As several of you pointed out, we are in the minority here. But seeing so many hopeful stories, reminds me it doesn't need to always be this way for me.

I am in need of hope on a regular basis and it helps me to check in on this thread. So I thank you. And I pray for everyone who is pregnant for this to the time everything is a.o.k.

I feel several losses:
1- the two m/c
2- how long it's been taking is a loss of time for me
3- the loss to have a baby the "normal" way. I remember initially this was "fun"
4- How it's affected my sex drive. Luckily my husband is a patient man.

I had a m/c in June at 6 weeks, and a chemical pregnancy in August. I have had a recurrent cyst, so I can't use meds for now, which is sort of frustrating. And the waiting between is so frustrating.

I feel a few impending things- one is this December is 4 years of TTC. A milestone I don't want to reach. The other is January would be the month the baby I lost was born, so I feel like I would love to be pregnant by the end of the year, even though clearly, that is not up to me.

In the meantime we are doing medfree IUI's and if they don't work IVF will be started in Nov or Dec- we are trying to work it out.

Testing has revealed nothing yet BTW. Though more complex genetic and immuune testing has not been done. My doc feels they were "flukes." But how can he really know?

Anyways, best wishes to all of us. Thanks for giving me a place to go. Like someone poined out, I can't exactly blurt this out on my FB page.

[DRB]

Hi Jess
I am a member of the so called "bad luck" club. Frustrating isn't it???

I did the whole work up too, including chromosome mutatation testing and highly reccomend it. Some times it can be so easily fixable, if they know the problem. Mine came back with really nothing usable.

I told my husband that last night, there is no "happy, blissfully ignorant pregnancy feelings". They have long since gone. It is kind of sad. I am working hard just to be neutral, not negative doomsday ex "when I have my next mc" type of talk.

I don't even want to think how I going to feel Oct 26th and February 4th.. those were my two due dates. I am sure a cry or two will be involved.

In the end its in Gods hands, and for control freaks like me, its maddening at times. I am doing all I can do and eventually this will all have to end-one way or another.

Good Luck to you. I am right behind you a week on my IUI....

We shall see.

[Highopes]

I want to say to tko666, justone & Jessstillwaits. Thanks for sharing your stories. Unfortunately all of us on this thread have been part of the "bad luck club" but I'm hoping that some of us (MaggieMay & I) can try and give hope to others as our pregnancies are coming along & we've both got further than we have ever made it before (& yes we're both still so scared that something is going to go wrong & be m/c #4).

As for me, well I've laid low, avoided the message boards etc. as I've been so nervous about my appt. today. I had to wait 3 weeks before I started seeing my regular ob/gyn & I was really, really nervous as the last few days prior I noticed that my queasiness had almost gone & my stomach seemed to be flatter (as opposed to bloated), so I was concerned and obviously thinking the worst. Even though I haven't had any bleeding I know that I can m/c without the bleed so I was so nervous. Well I had my u/s and within a minute the technician pinpointed the baby & the hb flickering away. I also saw the baby moving around and heard the doppler hb (man is it fast). I can't tell you how relieved I was. I had tears in my eyes. It feels so much more real to me today.

Today is a good day & I feel like a can breathe a sigh of relief for now anyway. A small celebration as I'm so happy to make it to the 10wk mark. I still can't believe it. I'm just praying that this is the "good egg" we've been waiting for & this baby makes it to term.

Sherry

[tko6666]

Highhopes,
Thanks for the warm welcome. I got goosebumps reading your post. CONGRATULATIONS!! You are right, you have to celebrate the small(big) milestones! Because today, you are 10 weeks pregnant! We may not know what the future holds, but we can celebrate today. I wish you the best, and yes you are definately an inspiration. Good luck to you. I hope to follow in your footsteps soon!!

[christina_s]

Thought I update and provide some encouragement.

After 2 losses our baby girl was born 2 weeks ago. I never thought this day would finally come. At 30 years old I was diagnosed with a lot of things that made our case really complicated...

Please please don't give up hope I know it is easier said than done.. staying positive and seeking for treatment can be really helpful, don't let anyone tell you after 2 or 3 consecutive losses that it was just bad luck.

Highhopes and Maggiemay congratulations on your progress, the 10 and 12 week milestones are such a relief, you have almost reached the point where you can relax. I am so happy for you.

Many blessings to the wonderful members of this thread.

[JessStillWaits]

Thanks for the welcomes everyone! I am in a 2 ww waiting right now to see if an IUI worked and if not, full on ahead to IVF. I have little fears chasing me, but your stories give me hope. I think if and when I do get pregnant, I am going to need so much support.

Congrats Highhopes on your relieving news!

[DRB]

Hi Jess
I just did my 3rd and probably final IUI this am. We are both in our wait now. We will see what happens! Good Luck to you and congrats to the new mommie above.


Denise

[JessStillWaits]

DRB- best of luck to you. I actually don't feel as tortured by my 2 ww as usual, because I know we'll do IVF if it doesn't work. Though, I am starting to wonder a little about some things I have going on but, who knows. Of course there is this part of me that fears getting pregnant, having another m/c and then it taking forever to get started again. It's bad sometimes how I assume it will be a bad thing, but overall I feel hopeful. This does such weird things to your mind!

Congrats Christina S! I agree, there is no such thing as a fluke, investigation will continue!

[christina_s]

Denise and Jess,

I wanted to wish you good luck on your 2ww! Baby dust, baby dust!

Take care