RPL...support for us all - Page 4

Meg03 · #46 (**permalink**) 09-24-2009, 02:53 PM

I just want to say that your stories are very inspirational. Good luck and

to everyone.

You can read my signature and see what I have been through if you would like. I don't get online as much as I did in the past because we are debating on TTC. We have been TTC for 6 1/2 years and not sure if we are ment to continue TTC.

JessStillWaits · #47 (**permalink**) 09-25-2009, 07:08 AM

Meg03- Welcome back. I have to say one of the most frustrating things about IF is how unfair it is as to who get t/x and who doesn't based on $. I wish you luck in your search. I have heard with clotting disorders there are some simple things you can take or do that maybe you could try even if the blood tests are costly? Just an idea.

Thanks for the wishes Christina!

I hope we are all able to get past RPL soon. It seems like many do, and what research I've heard, the younger you are the more chance it will eventually happen. But most of all, I wish us all peace.

By the way for everyone- I saw this elsewhere posted on this site and wanted to share it, I could relate to it a lot and it made me laugh!

How to be Good Friends with an Infertile - So Close

DRB · #48 (**permalink**) 09-25-2009, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meg03

I just want to say that your stories are very inspirational. Good luck and

to everyone.

You can read my signature and see what I have been through if you would like. I don't get online as much as I did in the past because we are debating on TTC. We have been TTC for 6 1/2 years and not sure if we are ment to continue TTC.

Oh Meg! You have been through the ringer. I am so sorry. I would get those tests as soon as you can before you TTC again. Luckily with your age time is on your side. Can you got to an RE too? You are high risk and you need a total work up chromosomal, blood disorders, Hysteroscopy (uterine septum?) the works.

Good Luck to you. You are a trooper!

JessStillWaits · #49 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 09:17 AM

Hey DRB, how is your 2ww going? I don't think this will be a

for me this month. I was bad and POAS early and it was

. I know it's bad. Plus, I don't know I just feel like

. Either way, I want to know so I can move and do what I need to do. I feel like I had a bunch of s/x's and they went away. The thing that is tough with my h/x of Unexplained IF is that they do think there is a problem in the 2ww so it's feasible I could keep having chemicals over and over again until they figure it out. So frustrating!

I am moving on to IVF after this. I am excited to do it, as it's so much more involved and I can feel actively like I am participating somehow. Although, with RPL, I keep thinking to myself- what if this doesn't work too??? How much more can I take?

I am looking forward to this IF journey being over. I am tired! I try to keep all the positive stories from this thread in my head and heart. There is part of me that is afraid I won't be able to have children. Almost like I can't visualize it anymore. But I have to keep hoping.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DRB

Oh Meg! You have been through the ringer. I am so sorry. I would get those tests as soon as you can before you TTC again. Luckily with your age time is on your side. Can you got to an RE too? You are high risk and you need a total work up chromosomal, blood disorders, Hysteroscopy (uterine septum?) the works.

Good Luck to you. You are a trooper!

tko6666 · #50 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 10:48 PM

Jessica-How are you doing? I know a BFN is incredibly hard to deal with, but you are still pretty early. Don't give up hope yet. You still have lots of options out there, try not to get too overwhelmed (easier said than done, I know). I'm thinking of you.

Denise-How is your 2ww going? How are you feeling? I know how scary of a time this is for you. Hang in there, we are all here for you!

tko6666 · #51 (**permalink**) 09-29-2009, 10:52 PM

Meg-

. So glad you wrote in. I think we all can relate to how hard and winding this path is. I just hope that you and your dh can have peace in whatever decision you make. We are here for you

Christina-Congrats on your little one!! You give us so much hope.

DRB · #52 (**permalink**) 10-01-2009, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tko6666

Jessica-How are you doing? I know a BFN is incredibly hard to deal with, but you are still pretty early. Don't give up hope yet. You still have lots of options out there, try not to get too overwhelmed (easier said than done, I know). I'm thinking of you.

Denise-How is your 2ww going? How are you feeling? I know how scary of a time this is for you. Hang in there, we are all here for you!

Thanks for asking everyone!

Jess, I saw your updated signature that AF came and you are moving on to the "big guns". Good Luck. I know this is going to work for you. And if by chance it does not. YOU have done everything humanly possible to make this happen. I am tired too. Its such the emotional swing over and over. Would it have been easier to never have gotten pregnant? Sometimes I think so. MC's seem to just zap something out of me. Well, for my two cents- I do think IVF with PGD maybe the only "sane" solution in trying again for many of us. Especially those with "unexplained" recurrent losses. We will have to pay the PGD out of pocket, around 4K. Worth it IMO. I am still on the fence, I don't know. I can only take one procedure, one scan, etc at a time now. I get overwhelmed. It seems like so many drugs, so much supression, so much stimulation.

Well, I am 5 days from testing and the peeing every night started 2 nights ago. I have done that every time I was pregnant. Also my sleep is all whacked, sleeping horrible. Did that too last two times. It could be the extra progesterone in my system. Like many of you, not so much an excited feeling anymore. Just kind of wait and see. I also predict if it is positive I will burst into tears. Not because I am happy but because I am scared to death.

JessStillWaits · #53 (**permalink**) 10-02-2009, 07:01 AM

Hey DRB 7 some others who asked, yup, I had a

this month. I was okay with it, a little sedated maybe, but ready to move on with IVF. Then last night, I found out one of my 10+ friends had her baby and I laid in bed, curled up in a ball and sobbed for a good hour. It passed after awhile, I don't feel as excited as I did 3 days ago about IVF potential, but I am ready. I am dealing with some frustration that fact we can't do our IVF this month, but the clinic isn't doinig IVF in October, so I didn't have the option. One more month, right?

I think my biggest regret was not doing IVF sooner. But, I think I was young when I started TTC and I while I felt sad, I didn't feel as much pressure until my m/c's and other people around me started to have babies. I feel more ready than ever, and switched jobs/ got new insurance to get IVF covered. So it maybe couldn't have happened earlier anyways, but I encourage people to move on ASAP. For unexplained it's the way to go, and also I was so surprised to learn the stats on IUI's, particularly multiple ones, and particularly ones after 3 years TTC. So IVF is really the best option.

So basically, I would say if we don't get pregnant on IVF the first time, we have several FET we could get covered (if we get enough embryos) and then after that we'd need to start borrowing $ from the in laws, which they did offer. I think for the first round, we won't do PGD. I don't know if they can do PGD on frozen embryos? I think at that juncture is when I would do it. I am just curious to see if they can figure anything out about my egg quality or even his sperm quality by doing IVF with a blend of ICSI.

I hope the "big guns" work. Actually, I really believe it will, but I am accepting it may take a few times. Trying to stay positive about it, doing acupuncture, taking care of myself over the next month as we get ready, I want to be in a good space.

Best wishes to you on getting your

this month DRB.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DRB

Thanks for asking everyone!

Jess, I saw your updated signature that AF came and you are moving on to the "big guns". Good Luck. I know this is going to work for you. And if by chance it does not. YOU have done everything humanly possible to make this happen. I am tired too. Its such the emotional swing over and over. Would it have been easier to never have gotten pregnant? Sometimes I think so. MC's seem to just zap something out of me. Well, for my two cents- I do think IVF with PGD maybe the only "sane" solution in trying again for many of us. Especially those with "unexplained" recurrent losses. We will have to pay the PGD out of pocket, around 4K. Worth it IMO. I am still on the fence, I don't know. I can only take one procedure, one scan, etc at a time now. I get overwhelmed. It seems like so many drugs, so much supression, so much stimulation.

Well, I am 5 days from testing and the peeing every night started 2 nights ago. I have done that every time I was pregnant. Also my sleep is all whacked, sleeping horrible. Did that too last two times. It could be the extra progesterone in my system. Like many of you, not so much an excited feeling anymore. Just kind of wait and see. I also predict if it is positive I will burst into tears. Not because I am happy but because I am scared to death.

maggiemay · #54 (**permalink**) 10-02-2009, 06:02 PM

Meg:

I'm so glad to see you here. You've been through so much. I really think you should get all the blood work too before you throw in the towel! It is just more information so you can feel like you know as much as you can possibly know about your body.

Jess: I'm sorry to hear about your BFN. But, I can't wait to hear how your next journey goes. I'm hoping and crossing every finger and toe for you!

DRB: your peeing at night...um...mm The 4th time (pregnancy) I took that test... I peed on the stick and jumped in the shower. I didn't even want to look at it. Then, I reached my hand out, looked at it. (pregnant) set it back out of the shower and went on with my shower. All I could think was, here we go again. here we go. my husband walked in the bathroom and I just simply said, "good job getting me pregnant again" and we just looked at each other. No smiles, no tears, just... back on the roller coaster. i was so numb. so numb. It's such a mixed blessing when it happens again. But, each time is like .... a new chance and you're putting yourself out there for better odds. If you have a BFP, I think TKO has the best advice. Stay neutral and proceed. You can do this. The prize is too great not to. You'll make it! Maybe never with the same goey eyed innocence, but you'll make it.

AFM: I'm still scared everyday. I rented a doppler so I can listen to the heartbeat everyday to ensure myself its still beating. I want to get happy, but I know that something can happen at any time. BUt, something must be going ok for now. That's all I can ask.

I'm wish and hope for you ladies!
Love, Maggie

knm7654 · #55 (**permalink**) 10-05-2009, 12:11 PM

Hello, just found this thread. Have been lurking on forums for months but just began to post.
Most of my story is in my sig but the short version is that I lost first preg(missed misc, D&C) after about 7 weeks, then as it turns out miraculously had a healthy baby boy in 2/07 without any problems throughout pregnancy (no meds, no nothing), then when DS was about 10 mos old got

only to mc again at about 7 weeks (spont abortion)no D&C, then

again 3 months later (all natural cycles) which ended at about 16 weeks -u/s no HB, so had stillbirth that evening.
We have been ttc ever since and gone to RE for last year plus, other than positive ANA (worked up by rheumatologist "normal for now" no disease process currently) and my FSH is elevated as high as 17 so now have low ovarian reserve, no reason as to why I'm mc but suspect immune something.
Have been doing femara cycles on and off since about dec 08 and have had one IUI -BFN, although RE says for me doesn't offer much benefit over timed intercourse, also says IVF not an option with own eggs. So based on mine and my DH ages we are sadly running out of time.
Currently on 2ww from femara, trigger and crinone can test around Friday but not feeling very hopeful-GOD I hope I'm wrong.
If

I'm thinking of taking a cycle off then maybe doing one more IUI.??

Anyway, that's my story and it's great to have found this thread.
Baby dust and

to all.

DRB · #56 (**permalink**) 10-06-2009, 07:14 AM

Hi girls.
Wanted to update you that this cycle was a

.

No tears. Just a combo of disappointed and relieved. Which I know sounds weird, but I think most of you understand.

I am starting to get scared about IVF, so many drugs, so much stuff. I don't know what I am going to do.

Anyone here done IVF?

maggiemay · #57 (**permalink**) 10-11-2009, 01:43 AM

DRB: No, it doesn't sound weird. I'm sorry you didn't get a BFP... but I really think that the PGD part of IVF will be so reassuring to you. Being pregnant without it, I still worry a lot.... I think it would be reassuring. I think its a good call. Please keep us posted!

KNM: WELCOME! How is femera going? What is the crinone? Glad you are here!
maggie

knm7654 · #58 (**permalink**) 10-11-2009, 11:34 AM

Maggiemay- Thanks for the welcome. Crinone is progesterone supp. gel.

I got BFN on Thursday, went ahead and tested so that if it was neg (i didn't have a good feeling about it this cycle, don't believe i'm o'ing even with all the meds and ovidrel) I could stop that awful crinone.

I am taking this month off from monitoring anyway, and am talking to DH about maybe trying one more IUI before facing our reality of not having another?? Time is slipping from our hands as we are both getting too old for this (my eggs apparently anyway).

bunniswife · #59 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 02:49 AM

MaggieMay, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you that the Lovenox does it's job and keeps you pregnant. Are you also on baby aspirin? Heparin, baby aspirin and prometrium were the only things that helped me to stay pregnant. Sometimes I wonder how we survive recurrent pregnancy loss. It's devastating. As for enjoying the pregnancy, I was never able to fully relax and enjoy either of my pregnancies. After suffering so many losses and having my heart broken so many times, I couldn't bring myself to fully believe I would ever end up with a live baby at the end. When I woke up in recovery after my emergency c-section with my first daughter, I just remember repeatedly asking, how's my baby? I think I just needed to hear she was fine several times before I would finally believe I was a mother at last. I'll be praying and keeping my fingers crossed for you and the other girls in this thread. Although I probably won't TTC again after all we've been through, I understand the anxiety and heartache of pregnancy after a loss. Hugging you

maggiemay · #60 (**permalink**) 10-12-2009, 10:29 AM

bunniswife: THANK you so much for your warm thoughts, wisdom, and hug. That's the best reason for these forums...

I am staying on all my Lovenox, I am still on everything, the aspirin, b6, b12, 4mg of follic acid... and just as an addition...vit. d and iron. i feel like a pharaceutical company. Some days I've resented the meds, all the pills get overwhelming. And the shots are leaving big bruises. tHe doc and nurses have tried to give me pointers to stop the bruising but I think I must just bruise... but they are starting to hurt sometimes... the needles are dull sometimes? I don't know. So yeah, some days I resent it and then I REMEMBER that I'm lucky to have gotten this far and get my butt in there and get that shot again. It's just been a roller coaster. But, I don't just relieved to be this far... and scared.

I've also had an eye twitch for weeks now... It just dawned on me this weekend that it might be from worry... Three loses in a row is no joke. Something was going on with me and I just hope this set of meds is what will help! Or just luck... I don't know, it at times feels a mystery to me.

If I can ramble one minute longer... I made a comment about being happy I was 15 weeks (now 16!) and how I only had just 25 more weeks to go...and I had the comment to me that I shouldn't rush this pregnancy, enjoy it she says......I was like,...I just want this kid in the world... the days of enjoying pregnancy (The way I had imagined I would is over...) I just want it here....

...I'll be so grateful to the universe and medicine if I can just get one out in the world...

Thanks for your warm thoughts, it made my day today!

As usual, sending everyone good vibes and baby dust!
m

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