[esal23]

This is my first time on here and i just need someone to listen and give advice and i guess even justify some of my feelings. Ok, I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 36 and we have been together for 2 years. Here is my story: I was engaged and became pregnant, my then fiance forced me to have an abortion so that relationship quickly ended. I really want a family now i feel like i am ready to settle down and start enjoying a husband and later a child. My bf story: he was married and had a child his marraige was awful so to fix things they had another child.. not the best idea. he's now divorced and has 50% custody of his children now 12 and 8. Our story: we have been together for 2 years happily.. i've been playing mom and loving it.. they love me and i love them. The first year and a half he kept talking about marriage and kids.. oh forgot to tell you.. he got a vasectomy 3 years ago... and he talked about a future together and the past six months he's been avoiding the conversation of children. it's very frustrating because when i talk and pour my heart out about the situation it's like i'm talking to a wall ... i understand he's been there and done that but why put hope in me. I am willing to go through all the procedures needed to make this happen. I need advice on what to do here... do i continue or end it? i'm not willing to compromise not having children.. he keeps saying what if it doesn't work (procedures) ?what about the cost? and all the above... i'm stuck!!! i keep praying that he'll tell me one day that he loves me and wants to give me children.. what changed in six months? maybe i'll stay in the relationship for a while and see what happens? i'm so stressed.. i know this is a whole lot but someone please reply and let me know what you think... thanks!

[tryingtobestrong]

it does sound very tricky...and it sounds like you two really need to sit down and be honest about where you are..

it could be that he is scared...about the proceedure itself (to reverse) or that it will fail..

or it could be that he is having cold feet.

Rather the confront him full on, maybe write him a letter...and then schedule a sit down time. Maybe even a couples counsellor that could act as a mediator.

Make sure he knows you love him...and that you can accept things not working..as long as ye has tried and followed through on what he has been promising until recently.

good luck!

[MissAmanda]

What a mess.Since he has 2 older children he may be done.In 10 years he will be done.His will be grown.You are in your baby prime and he has been there and done that.Sadly you may have to face the music that he wont be giving you your own baby.The more you talk to him about it in short passing topic the more he may see it as you being a nag or begging.You have to sit him down for real.No TV no kids just you and him.Tell him whats up.Chances are he is going to get upset at you.From that convo you'll have to decide.Whatever you decide make shure you keep his children in mind.If you are close with them it may upset their world.Good luck!