[mrshonly1]

WOW! I stumbled upon this thread and my heart hurts for you ladies. I agree, there are times when I've felt unsure about how my husband felt about me and the difficulty we've had, BUT you have to shake those feelings off.

1. Address why you feel guilt and shame over something you can't control. Unless you did something on purpose that hindered your ferility, why do you feel guilty? Those feelings only serve to stress your body, your marriage, and your emotions...they certainly won't help you acheive this dream of a family. Really evaluate why and you might find you don't have a good reason to feel guilty. It would be like me feeling guilting that I'm 5'7" instead of a petite 5'2"....I can't control it, so why let it bother me...especially if you found someone who loves you. and remember, they chose you too and choose to be with you everyday. I don't know about you guys, but that makes me feel so good...and so loved, that despite my flaws and our lack of babies, my husband still thinks I'm the best thing ever. That's a blessing.

2. If these feelings are so strong and you are really stressed out and emotional about it, I think it's a sign that you need to take a break and focus on your marriage. I don't know about you all, but I want our child to be welcomed into a stable and loving home, not one that's based on guilt and hurt feelings. Take time to focus on loving on each other and bonding before you face this IF monster again. This is a hard road we are on, we need to make sure we and our partners are emotionally strong as well as physically strong. Do some stupid stuff together where you laugh and jump each others bones for no other reason but to love on each other. I think you'll find the negative feelings will diminish because you'll feel more secure in your relationship.

3. I'm glad to hear of the ladies/hubbys that shared these feelings with their partners. It's hard for them to hear it, but you get to find out what they are really made of. Amberlynn, I'm so glad you found that out. It sounds like you have a KEEPER! I agree with ampridgen, if your marriage is good, children won't matter. You'll learn to live and be happy without them. Think of them as the cherry on top...the sundae is still good without a cherry, but the cherry just adds that special bonus on top!

I'm so glad to hear that most of us have wonderful hubbies. We need to continue to focus on our relationships and not just this process. it's takes the fun out it....

Anyway, to everyone. We're taking a break right now. I have to have my cancer scan and I also realize that my stress level is higher than it should be. I'm going to be zen for a few months and then jump back into this thing.

Take care everyone and I'll be for each of you.

[AnnRN]

Wow, this post made me cry...

I never got to the point of thinking about leaving my DH -- I can't live without him -- but I definitely understand the guilt. It sucks to feel "broken" or "less than". That's something I struggle with a lot. However, I am very lucky to be so loved by my husband that he wan'ts to be with me no matter what.

I agree strongly with the ladies who said to put yourself in his shoes. Would you even consider, for a second, leaving your husband if he had something wrong with him that prevented him fro fathering a child? I'm sure you wouldn't, and he won't want you to go, either.

One other thing... there are many ways to have a family... Even if you are unable to conceive a biological child (& I hope that you are able to, since that is what you want...), there are still other options. Don't give up hope, if you feel strongly about having children. You will have your family, one way or the other.

Hugs & good luck!!!!

[amyinohio]

As a person who has lived through this experience with the "shoe on the other foot" I can understand the situation from the other perspective. My dh often expressed guilt and anger because he feared that he could not give me the one thing that I have always wanted. However, I love my dh unconditionally, the only thing worse than having a childless life would be to have to live without him. I never resented him, I never blamed him, I never felt as if I had made the wrong decision in being with him. I was so thankful that we were able to be together!

Although our situation has a truely happy ending, I will never know exactly how he felt. But I know that I love my dh more now than I did before IF and I will continue to love him more everyday!