[Bri2323]

I'm new to this site and we have been trying for nearly 2 1/2 years. My DH is a lot older than myself. I am 25 and he is 56. Before anyone freaks out, we have a wonderful relationship. He is 100% sure of having more kids. He has 2 from his previous marriage. Both are now grown. I know many of you could say that his age must be why we haven't conceived, but i'm most positive its me. i have had 6 ruptured cysts since i was 14 years old. But have not been diagnosed with PCOS. Dr. claims the cysts wouldn't affect my chances of getting pregnant. however i beg to differ. My insurance does not cover fertility treatment so i really haven't been tested otherwise. i think too, as much as i want to have a baby, i'm so scared the dr will say i or my DH is completely infertile. It's scary and heartbreaking. I have always felt like being a mother was my passion. i remember saying that to people when i was younger. i have always had this fear though that i wouldn't be able to have kids. maybe it was my own psychic intuition or something. or too, maybe i just always feared that the cysts would mess things up. but anyway, is there anyone else in here who has had any ruptured cysts or has a husband significantly older than yourself?

[Canadian]

Originally Posted by Bri2323

I'm new to this site and we have been trying for nearly 2 1/2 years. My DH is a lot older than myself. I am 25 and he is 56. Before anyone freaks out, we have a wonderful relationship.......... i have always had this fear though that i wouldn't be able to have kids. maybe it was my own psychic intuition or something. or too, maybe i just always feared that the cysts would mess things up. but anyway, is there anyone else in here who has had any ruptured cysts or has a husband significantly older than yourself?

Hi Bri2323!
I see there are no replies yet to your message. I just joined this forum today. I will have to do the signature history add on that most members have. But anyways, your post caught my eye.

My DH is 16 years older than me. I'm 31, he's 47. He has zero sperm. Has your DH had a sperm count assessment yet? It would really put your mind at ease.

One thing I do which might be unique to being in an age-gap TTC relationship: is that every year I think of how old DH would be when our mythical future child reaches adulthood. For example I think: If we had a child now (yeah, right...) by the time the child reaches 20, I would be 51 and hubby would be 67.
So that is probably not something that younger couples really think about too much.

The other unique thing about being in an age gap TTC relationship is that I worry that my hubby will pass on many years before me. And if we never have kids, then I will be really alone. I won't have a child of his to "remember" him by...

So, in a way we are doubly screwed, less time with our loved one (due to age gap) and less loved ones/children (due to infertility).

It is nice to find someone that could understand the above issues, like you prob do.

My advice to you: DON'T WAIT! If you haven't booked appointments with your fertility doc yet. You might want to make the appointments asap (if you feel it is right for you) Because otherwise, you will seriously drive yourself bananas thinking of all the "what ifs". It's better to get all the information you can so that you can focus your energy on making your dreams happen.

Sending you my best wishes!!!

[Canadian]

Hi! I just made the signature history thing! I mentioned in my last post to you that I would add one here. Here it is...

[qweska8402]

My DH is 16 years older than me too. I'm 25, he's 41. We had a SA done when we first started and he's perfect. It's me that has the issues, go figure! I often have the thought of how old my DH will be when our child is born, graduates, etc. That's why I'm in such a hurry to get pregnant. Of course all of my family and dr's keep telling me that I'm young and I have time. I know that I do, but my DH isn't getting any younger. Best of luck to both of you!

[Canadian]

Hi Jeska!

I see that we have the same age difference with our DH's...

I know that comment "You're young...you have time" can be super annoying from people. Because we are thinking of how old our DH's will be. AND, what if we had been hoping for many children? How old would hubby be with child number 2 or 3? I guess people don't think about that when they comment on "how much time we have".

Also, I know this was thinking far in the future, but I would like to think that if we could have ever had a child that DH would still be around for Grandchild...

People don't get it when they comment on how young one partner is... I guess they're attempting to be "helpful" but it's so not...

Canadian

[qweska8402]

Originally Posted by Canadian

Hi Jeska!

I see that we have the same age difference with our DH's...

I know that comment "You're young...you have time" can be super annoying from people. Because we are thinking of how old our DH's will be. AND, what if we had been hoping for many children? How old would hubby be with child number 2 or 3? I guess people don't think about that when they comment on "how much time we have".

Also, I know this was thinking far in the future, but I would like to think that if we could have ever had a child that DH would still be around for Grandchild...

People don't get it when they comment on how young one partner is... I guess they're attempting to be "helpful" but it's so not...

Canadian

It does get very hard hearing the "you're young" thing. It doesn't make me want a baby any less b/c I'm 25. So aggervating! I often think about what if we want more than one child, will we even have any time? It's very stressful. Luckily one of my friends (my SIL) is about 11 years younger than my BIL and she gets it. She never gives me the "you're too young" speech and it's great to have someone who gets it.

[flashgal24]

I just wanted to say that I think ya'll are all so cute. Age shouldn't matter, and its refreshing to see couples that don't let age get in the way of their love for each other. Good Luck on getting your BFP's!

[zuri]

My DH is 46 and I am 34 and we had one failed IVF. I got so depressed after that now he doesn't want to talk about babies.Any mention of another IVF cycle can make him not talk to me for days.He says he still wants kids but we are not ready but the clock does not stop ticking.
He is the one with the problem and I even have to use a doner. I feel it is so unfair and have been thinking of just leaving.
Help me I am almost going crazy.How do I bring this up without him getting mad because I want IVF.He wants us to get a dog I dont want a dog I want a baby!!!

[Koshveily]

Sounds like hubby is acting immature and needs to face reality. Yes, it sucks that he isn't able to be the one to bring the sperm and it's probably a thorn in his mind. Say something like, "I want to talk about going for another IVF and I know you're not ready but I'm running out of time. I'll give you til the end of the week to come to terms with this and come talk to me. I want your support and your love but I need to do this." Then walk away. Let him chew on that for a while. If he doesn't come around, you may need to reconsider some things. When your IVF cycle works and you've got a baby coming, you're going to need him to be on board completely... it's not a cake walk. And you're not going to want to be pregnant and hormonal and having relationship issues. Sorry your hubby is being a stick in the mud. It's hard. Praying for you... good luck.