[lostandconfused]

Alright so my 29th bday was yesterday and it was day 5 of stims, my DH did not get me a thing....not even a card! Then on the way to my sisters house for cake he started yelling at me that we have no money b/c of this and its all his fault and he is a horrible person and thats why he didnt get me anything, then he kept going on and on that we can't afford anything...
we are NOT broke, we are far from it. We have two incomes, multiple savings accounts and cd's....i don't think he has a clue what it means to be broke, he has never not had money. I can't say that to him or he gets mad.
His 30th bday was last mth and we were prepping for ivf then so it was really hard to do anything, but i still pulled a quick party together, and bought him a present....i just can't believe he gave me nothing and made me cry on my bday...i am sooooo angry and don't know what to do...then he said, you will go and tell all your friends that i didn't get you anything and they will all think i am a jerk...i won't tell them b/c its embaressing but really what am i supposed to say when they all ask what dh did for my bday?!?!?!?
I am just so emotional as is and now this....i could just scream for an hour.... i mean really wtf....

[dndtaylor]

Hi! I totally know what you mean. DH was out of town on business for my birthday last year (I was 29 also) and I didn’t get a card, a present, cake, or flowers sent to me … nothing. I was just as upset as you are. I was 7 months pregnant, so goodness knows the emotions were high for me. I told DH how I felt, he apologized. Yes, I cried but at the end of the day I was okay. I know I have a great DH it’s just sometimes he isn’t a sweet or caring as I’d like for him to be. Plus, guys don’t understand how important those little things are. Girls are just different you can say. My girlfriends and I got together and went out to dinner and all was well. I was upset about it for that day and then the next day I was fine.

I know it for sure hurt your feelings, I’m sorry. I also think that you were super emotional because of the stims. I guess, at the end of the day try to look at it as you are married, healthy, have a roof over your head and a family that loves you. Talk to DH about it and just let him know where you are coming from and I’m sure it won’t happen again. Good luck on your cycle.

[ara79]

Oh hon, how awful. dndtaylor said it well. The stims are making you extra sensitive, which makes all of the feelings you are having seem even worse. I am so sorry your birthday wasn't what you were hoping for. I am guessing that your dh is feeling panicky about the financial aspect of this. I would wait a day or so, to let his defenses die down a bit, and then talk to him. Tell him some examples of things he could have done that don't cost much money. If he starts to get defensive, try not to get into a heated fight. All of those hormones are going to make it horrible for you if this gets blown into a huge fight. As for your friends, just tell them that the two of you had a low key, private birthday celebration. All men have their ups and downs, my dh has made some of our anniversaries and my b-days amazing, but some...did NOT go that great. Big hugs.