[marilynn]

Hi Ladies,

I think my DH may want to get off the IF roller coaster soon. I fear he is becoming resigned to the fact that we will not have kids. He said that it is like losing the baby all over again each month we come up negative. I am soooo not ready to quit trying. I have been pg twice with no assistance, one time just last year, and I just don't want to give up yet. I want to do one more iui with injectibles (RE recommends this) and then 2 ivfs.

This will certainly put us in the hole financially, but I just want to know that we tried everything feasibly possible. We are both educators; so, money is an object. (I know it’s tacky to talk about personal finances but what the heck people talk about AF, CM, etc., etc.)

I am so concerned that we will quit prematurely and this is our shot. Does anyone have any words of advice? How do you negotiate different desires so that you are fair to both sides? (Inside I don’t want to be fair, I want my way and IVFs.) BTW, we have a very loving and caring relationship. He is like me in that he has always wanted a baby more than anything; it's just becoming too painful for him. So, I feel kind of conflicted about even putting this in here, but I really could use some words of advice. Thank you!!!!

[CryingInside]

I totally understand your position. I have been there many times with my DH and us both going back and forth on all treatment options we have done up to now and what we will do in the future. You both have to be happy with the decision. I know what it is like to have a grumpy husband with you at the doctor because he wasn't ready to be there yet LOL! IF is so hard, the only way to get through it is with each other so I would suggest trying to come up with a negotiation. Maybe he doesn't want to do anything else, but you do....so maybe stop at the 2 remaining IUI's or maybe skip those and do 1 IVF cycle. The key is to both be happy and satisfied with your decision. Good luck to you.

[Rob&Irina]

we've been there too... the whole TTC rollercoaster is very stressfull for both parties... my 2 cents - skip IUIs and go straight for IVF, even if your 1st IVF doesn't work, you will get a lot more answers as to why you are not getting pg.

Good Luck to you! and don't give up just yet... if you both want kids that bad, then do all you can before quitting...

[sarah16]

I also have been in that situation. My DH said no to IVF and adoption. But we are on our last IUI round and if it don't work my Dh now says he's open to adoption. Good luck with this!

[marilynn]

Thank you Rob and Irina, Crying Inside and Sarah for the thoughtful comments. I will consider them when we begin talking through this stuff.

I had to smile, Crying Inside, when you talked about a grumpy DH at the doctor's office, cause I have been there too.

Also, Sarah, I am glad to see that what is said at one time is not necessarily written in stone; that is encouraging.

Thanks again!