[Shanna]

I know from past experiences that I am not alone with my experiences while ttc. So, I am seeking some advice or just some encouragement.

My DH and I have been ttc for over a year and a half. Since starting on clomid and progesterone, there has been a certain baby dance window each month (which I am sure you all know too well) My DH has been so good about the scheduling for it, but after 6 months it is beginning to take a toll on him.

He said last night that he feels like I am only attracted to him to make a baby and we only have sex for that purpose. I feel like that isn't true at all and that I have been trying very hard to keep things fresh and keep the pressure off.

Any suggestions or experiences? Help!!

[Andi]

Shanna,
I understand. One of my girlfriend's who was having trouble conceiving #2 this past year and I would talk about it. Her husband even said, in a jokingly loving way, "Okay, it's mating season, again!" With my dh it's even turned into "do we have to have sex yet?" (My cycles are really long and haven't been really consistent). I think that sometimes they feel like failures in this whole process and they don't know how to "fix" it. It seems like most men want to "fix" the problem and move on even when it can't be fixed, so it wears on them. My advice is to lighten it up some how by adding humor to this difficult time.
Good Luck and hang in there,
Andi

[wannabigbabybelly]

Mine unfortunately seems to suffer from baby making performance pressure.

Normally there is NO problem for him in that department.

But as soon as "It's time", it's a whole nother story.

I can't help but feel frustrated with it/him. I get really dissapointed and start feeling like I'm in this all by myself (when I know he want's a baby just as bad as I do). It's just that I have to go through sooooo much just to get to the point of ovulation....and it just seems like such an easy task he is to fulfil, but I guess it's not easy....not when the pressure is on and it has to be by the clock.

I really wish I knew how to make it more fun, less pressure for him???? But I'm at a loss.

Last time I said I just wasn't going to tell him when I was ovulating that way he wouldn't know the difference....but there's no way around it...there's no way I can keep him from knowing.

So i'm not sure I can offer you any advice, since were in a similiar boat.

[Shanna]

Wannabigbabybelly-

That is precisely it with my DH too. He even admits that it is a mental block for him. He has been SO good throughout ttc. Now, he is starting to feel bad, like he is doing something wrong. I have tried to assure him that he is doing everything asked of him and shouldn't feel bad, but it is definitely taking its toll on both of us.

I have also thought about not saying anything when it is time, but have yet to find a way to do so. He is getting in tune to the cycle days and when "the right time" is.

Andi-

We have tried to keep some humor in the situation too, and I think that is great advice. My DH is a total "fixer" - I think you hit the nail on the head there!

I never hope that anyone else is going through this stuff, but it helps to know that we aren't alone or abnormal in some way. If I figure this out, you guys will be the first to know! Hang in there.

[Firehorse67]

Well.....I was searching around for post and this one just caught my eye. I am a DH to a wonderful wife and she too tried her best to keep things "fresh". Stress can definitely affect a man's performance in this situation. It was definitely difficult for my wife and I as we work a lot of opposite shifts (I work crazy retail hours, she has 8-4 MF job). We tried various things....areas, pos, etc. I would suggest that and also, change the "mood" of it all. Ravenous and romantic...even though most guys won't admit it, we like the music and candles too. Have you tried things like that? Or is it too not helping? But even I sometimes struggled. I wish you all the best of luck.

[fitafita]

what a counsellor at our RE clinic told me- after my DH insisted it was time to move on to IUI- the counsellor's opinion was that it was a good move to take the 'infertility' out of the bedroom and put it into the clinic! It was a perspective I never would have thought of as positive. In fact I always felt a little upset at the idea of moving on to a more medical approach, as if it was less special. but you know it was much better for our sexual intimacy, and his spontanaeity(sp?) and happiness in general. just saying- of course you don't do it for only this reason. but it was fortunate it happened for us that way.

however, now we are taking a break from IF altogether so we can just get our relationship back on track - this IF stuff is TOUGH on a relationship!!