[leila]

Does anyone else feel that they are the only one suffering from doing IVF alone? I do not have many friends as over the years i lost them to the fact that my husband is never around and I could not put up with why are you here alone question . even when he is in town he is usually out with his buddies or just wants to rest.

So when i decided to do the IVF it was after a couple of years of trying. Now after all this time of doing the injections alone. not having him around etc.. I just did the IVF treatment. when they removed the eggs i was in so much pain. he was there the first night and then he went out the second. then yesterday I put the eggs back in and he suddenly started interfering by asking me to lie down the whole day and if I got up he said if it doesnt work its your fault etc... as if I need more pressure.

i cant put up with him anymore. I cant put up with IVF anymore. what do I do?

[ara79]

oh hun...i cannot imagine. first of all, i want to tell you that just because you got up, that will not cause an ivf cycle to fail. i don't feel like i know you, your husband or your situation enough to tell you what to do. i just started my 1st ivf cycle and i couldn't do it without my husbands 100% support. have you talked to him about his behavior? does he know that it is not acceptable to you? sometimes we allow others to get away with things, and they form really bad habits because of it. i am NOT saying that it is your fault that he is always gone or out with the guys, but does he know how you feel about it? if you feel lonely now, i think it would only be worse if you had a baby and his behavior continued. i would suggest having a very firm but honest conversation with him and if that doesn't work, maybe you two could go talk to a counselor.

[Kay]

leila- I am so sorry you are going through this!! IF is soooooo hard. I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I will pray for you and your husband. It just makes me so sad to know that IF causes so much damage. I hope you experience healing on all levels!
Kay

[Sarah_84]

Hi and !!! I completely agree with everything Ara79 said, I couldn't have put it better! One other thing that I did think was that maybe this is his way of dealing with it. I know that's no excuse but I have heard of others in similar situations, most guys just don't know how to express their emotions and have trouble dealing with IF because they feel what we feel but 'aren't allowed' to have a cry over it so they go out to take their mind off it. He obviously does care because he's worried about you doing anything but he definately needs to learn how to communicate with you instead of saying that it will be your fault if it fails. I really think that counseling will help (and maybe you could slip him some fact sheets to read saying that standing up will not make it fail !) He definately needs some sort of wake up call! Good luck!

[jana]

Leila,
I am so sorry that you feel like you are going through all of this alone. Have you talked to your RE to see if there is an actual support group there for you to attend? It's hard to give someone advice in these situations, but if I were you I'd try talking with my husband. Listen to your heart and your head. I've always found that those two things usually give me the best advice. You and your husband are in my prayers........... Jana

[wantabigbelly]

I can imagine how hard this must be for you. My husband wasn't very supportive at the beginning of our IF but he changed his tune when he realized that we had a problem to be dealt with. It was very hard those few months i had to fight with him to support me.

I don't want to be judgemental, because we all have our own "limits" within our relationships, but I don't think I'd be able to put up with my husband behaving that way. ESPECIALLY under the circumstances you are going through (IF). It seems as though he is taking you for granted and his actions show that he is not on the same wavelength as you. I would level with him before continuing with treatment.

Stay strong and remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and love as it seems you treat him that way.

[megala1]

Leila,

My husband is very similar in how he reacts to our infertility problems. It is a complete defensive mech. I know it is painful to hear the BS that he spews at you but please remember that husbands really don't mean it. They are just as scared and worried about it as we are. At least, that is what I have seen from my husband. I hope you find the strength in yourself to keep going. Keep the hope alive! Baby dust to you.