[Brookelyn510]

and I know I'm not crazy-but I am angry as heck!

After months of me begging my husband finally got his sperm count done. I had been charting my periods and doing ovulation kits with no success for almost a year.
I was expecting to hear the regular "you are trying to hard" "you are fine" "go home and relax and have fun". Instead I was given "your husband has a count of 5 million out of 40 million, that is extremely low". I had to get the woman to tell him because I was busy choking back tears.
It has been WWIII in my house since then. I am so devastated, angry, resentful, etc. I feel so alone. I look at all the crackheads and hookers that get pregnant and try to make sense of why them and not me? My little sister recently announced that she is pregnant and that is just a knife in my heart.
In vitro is 7,000-12,000 a pop and I can't bring myself to do it anyways. Why should I have to have my eggs surgically removed from my body, have them fertilized, and the placed BACK into my body-meanwhile all he has to do is have a date with Palmala and I'm not the one with the problem??????????
I want to run. I want a divorce. I know this isn't his fault but I blame him. I feel like I have been robbed. I know all this sounds selfish but I can't help it.
I just want to SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. I'm here because hopefully someone will say something to me that makes sense.

[Jacklyn]

I know this can be very very hard. Finding out whose "fault" can be difficult for both parties. But this is a group effort. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. What matters is what both of you can do / will do to overcome it.
There are many options that you can exercise. But first, you might want to begin with talking to your dh to see how he feels. It might not be easy at first. You both need time. Take small steps at a time and hopefully you can both come up with a solution on how best to tackle this.
Did you get a chance to talk in detail to your doctor about what the next steps may be for you?
Try to calm down. I agree it is hard, but it is about the only way.
Sending you hugs . We're here for you and you aren't alone.
Take care.

[Brookelyn510]

Thanks. I can honestly say as I read people's stories and posts I feel better. It's nice to see that there are others out there that don't go off the pill and the next month get pregnant.
He has to go to a specialist at the end of this month to see what may be causing his low count. I was tested last week and everything with me is fine and going normally.
She suggested in vetro or adoption. The sperm wash wont work for us because his count is so low. I just don't know how to handle this. I feel weak.

[Jacklyn]

May be the specialist can recommend something to improve the count. Dont give up hope as yet. I have heard that acupuncture can help with this too. Is that something you might want to consider? I think there have been some others on this forum that have tried some herbal remedies.

It might be worth it to try out different things and then repeat the test after a few months to see if there is any improvement.

[crob]

okay, first, let me say, what you are feeling is totally normal. i honestly think that being diagnosed w/ infertility is like a grieving process and there are certain stages you have to go through. and yes, it is VERY frustrating when it seems like you are the only one who sees the need for dh to do a semen analysis (it took two counseling sessions for me to get dh to understand that that was all i needed to make me happy). and after we got the results that dh had zero sperm, i was devastated. i picked fights w/ him and cried at everything and one night, i got so mad and upset that i ran away from home. honestly! i went and sat in the walmart parking lot and didn't know what to do. i just couldn't stand to be at home anymore. it's so hard to step back and look at it from your dh's standpoint. right now, he's probably feeling like less of a man. he's feeling like he is the reason that your life's dream can't be fulfilled. try to understand that and support him a little if you can. and try not to freak out too bad right now. he needs to get all his hormone levels checked first and see if there's an imbalance that could be causing the low counts. if not, there are other ways to improved his counts. (boxers, no hot tubs, vitamins) hang in there and don't think the worst yet...he could very well have enough sperm for an iui which isn't nearly as expensive as ivf. good luck to ya'll...i hope everything works out okay.

[CryingInside]

I am in the same place...only opposite. It is my fault we can't get pregnant, my body, and my issues. I know for me it is devastating to know that the reason my dh's dreams aren't being met is because of my body. Dh did resent me for awhile, which almost tore apart my marriage in the beginning of our infertility journey. We took time off from treatments and I let him deal, but I finally had to tell him that it isn't really my fault. I did not choose this for me or us, I didn't want this anymore than he did. It wasn't something that I decided. It is the same for your dh. He didn't decide to hurt you and will his body not to produce the way it is "supposed" to. It just happened. I know its difficult to hear, but its both your problem. That's just how it has to be in order to make it through.

I don't mean to sound harsh or anything, I just want you to know a little from the other side. It is really difficult to know that I am keeping my dh from his dream and I am sure your dh feels the same. Take some time to grieve, take some time to be angry, but please don't take it out on your dh. You both need to be there for each other and realize how devastating it is for each other, not just yourselves. I think that you coming here to express yourself is a great step in the direction of healing yourself, your dh, and your marriage. If, after you have truly given yourself time, and given dh time, you still feel this way, then consider your other options. But for now know that this forum is full of wonderful men and women with all sorts of infertility problems who are all willing to guide you along your journey.

There are tons of options for helping with a low sperm count. I believe one girl in particular, Jenedens' dh had a low sperm count. They did several treatments including IUI and IVF, all of which failed. They both began taking Fertiliblend (I think) and she ended up pregnant twice naturally! (Jen, sorry if I butchered your story LOL!) Really, miracles can happen and there are tons of people on here to prove it everyday!

Welcome to our group!

[SamSam]

Brookelyn,

I feel your pain. I was devastated when we found out it was my DH's problem and not mine. We went with IVF because his morphology is extremely bad so it was our only option. Trust me, with each shot I had to take and as my ovaries grew and hurt I wanted to kick him.

The surgeries weren't fun and my poor body went through a lot. But you know, at least we had a solution. At least we could still get pregnant, although yes the woman must do all of the work. It does go by quickly and then you're sharing the joys of being pregnant. Don't give up.

I have to say that I think even though his count is low, as long as his morphology is good you could probably be successful with artifical insemination.

I wish you all the best luck.

[frymomma2b]

The only thing i can say is that this is just a season in your relationship. Yes it is a hard thing to hear but it is not imposible for him to have children without invitro if unless he is at a 0 count. So count your blessings take time to morn the news then get back in the game and love your husband for who he is and not how many boys he has swimming because i am sure if the table was turned he would love you still. I think that when the men have to be checked they have alot harder time working up the nerve. That is their namesake their blood line, their manhood and to get checked at all is huge much less to hear there is something off. That has to be a huge blow to his heart and ego. I am not judging you I am just saying i would be devistated if my husband left me because i have issues with infertility. God has a plan and it is going to play out. As for the crack heads i know what you mean but my dss is the product of one and he is the most amazing child and i am glad that God gave her this child to carry for me (he was meant to be mine) even though dh did not know what she was and that we would find each other. I hope you work this out with yourself and your spouse