[wtnganother1]

DH and I have been trying to get pregnant with our 2nd since our son was 4, and he is 10 now. We didn't think there would be a problem, since we got pregnant last time when we were trying NOT to. Now, we can't get pregnant at all. The only known problem is that I don't ovulate. 7 cycles of Clomid made me ovulate, but we didn't get pregnant. I took a month off and am supposed to start injectibles in the next cycle, but I'm getting cold feet. On the one hand, the desperate cravings for a child have gotten better, and I find myself pointing out to myself how much a baby would change my cushy life. No more spontaneous trips to a movie theater, juggling child care with work, feeling lousy for 9 months like I did last time, and just trying to be a good mom to another child and keep all the plates spinning in the air. I remember those early days when getting a shower was a luxury, and I worry about how we'd all handle that again, and how we would do it. Last time I was home all day. On the other hand, we DID manage to do it last time, and got through it. And the sacrifice would be worth it for another child. Just when I convince myself that maybe we shouldn't, that maybe we really aren't supposed to have another one, I got news that an old friend is pregnant. The friend that met her husband at our wedding and had a child right after we had our son, then didn't have more. They are having a second now, and it completely unglued me for a day and a half. Does this mean that yearning is still engrained, that it won't go away, that I should listen to it and move to injections? I don't expect anyone to tell me what to do, but does ANYONE out there dealing with secondary infertility deal with this, too? Especially with such an age gap? If our son was 5, I don't think I'd feel this way. I didn't feel this way back then. There was no doubt in my mind, then. If we hadn't been able to have any children yet, I wouldn't stop at anything. Am I just too used to having a more independent child? Do I need to slap myself and be determined and go for it? Sorry for the rambling.....just want to know if you feel this, too, and how you deal with it.

[benzmomm]

My children are 7 years apart, which I do know is still a big difference than 10+. I ended up doing the injectables too and many IUI's. I struggled with the same questions toward the end. There have definitely been moments since my daughter has been born that I have remembered the ease of a single older child. However, it's not just that I love my daughter to pieces when I say this, all the new hassle is worth it every day. I felt guilty at times after all we went thru that I missed the ease of my life with just my son and husband. But it's really just when I am tired. The truth is my husband and I have talked about this. We both realized that the benefit of the age difference is actually pretty great. First off, you know all things pass. It makes some of the day to day stuff much more manageable. Secondly, yeah the first few years are exhausting, but as I am sure you know, as the kids get older it really does get better. When I hear people say how hard it is to see their little ones growing up, that they miss them as babies, I think the opposite. I love my son as he gets older and becomes more of his own person. It's such an amazing gift to watch them become real people. So I always think of it like this.. 3+ years of inconvenience ( you know what I mean), for 40+(at least, I hope) of knowing them. Now I don't mean to say that the age difference was our choice, but it's great if it's what you have. I know there are also so many great things about children being close together, but so far i haven't been able to experience that.
All in all, whether you choose to go through with it is obviously your decision and a very personal one. I just thought I would share my side. I think thru the infertiltiy of the second you will constantly be questioning whether it's worth it, whether you should be happy with what you have, whether in the end you are really happy with where your life is right now. But I think it was worth all the pain, heartache, failed iui's, ultrasounds, negative HPT's, to see my son be a big brother and to hold my daughter every day. I can't imagine my life without her now.

Okay with that being said... if we had never had my daughter.. being a mom to one would have also been pretty terrific. I could go on and on, actually I kinda have, but just wanted to make sure I didn't sound like adding to your family is the only way either. Hopefully I explained myself well... somewhere in all the rambling I am sure I had a point.

-krista