[NikkiE22]

I have been struggling with secondary infertility now for 19 months. I have tried to join several sites and support groups all of which do not want me there, because I already have one child.

This puts me in a position where I feel so alone. I didn't realize infertility was trying to see who hurt the most. Or telling someone they didn't hurt enough to be in a support group. I thought the pain was very similar, each having things that may make it harder or somewhat easier. And I have been unable to find a secondary infertility support group.

Some days I am at a point of frustration and sadness that I cannot even put into words. I have so much guilt. I hate all the waiting and wondering. I hate living my life by a calendar filled with doctor appointments and procedures. But I do it because I have hope. And as long as I have that one tiny strand of hope, I will keep hanging on.

I just wanted women on here to know I am working on a website, so far only 6 members, for women who are dealing with secondary infertility.

I did make a group for the primary infertile women as I do not share their struggles and do not know the pain they may be experiencing and I don't want to discriminate.

But the majority of the site is indeed for secondary infertile women. More then 1 million couples go through this and yet there if very little support. I find it ridiculous and disheartening.

If your like me and just want a place where you don't feel like you have to justify wanting another child, then I encourage you to join and talk to other women. You really aren't alone in this.

The website is Secondary Infertility - Secondary Infertility Hurts Too

Thank you all for reading. I send lots of baby dust your way.



~Nikki

[allfaith]

I agree with you. It sis very heart breaking to feel and actually be marginalised and left apart just because you want to have baby#2. I have never beeb able to conceive naturally. Yet, God blessed me and I was lucky with a baby daughter who is now 3 years old. I was blessed because my first IUI was a success, it was in 2005, Now I am 37 years old and it is just not happening yet. I sometimes join some threads, send huggs , congratulations, advices to new moms to be and they don't even welcome me. However, I don't want to generalise because some other groups are nice and warm.
I would be glad to join this thread and continue my journey with it.

Allfaith

[Kt24]

Thanks for taking the time to build a site just for us SIF. You are right that there can often times be alot of resentment from PIF posters toward SIF. I guess it must be hard to hear someone who already has a child to be "complaining" about not being able to have #2, etc but it doesn't make OUR pain any less or our struggle somehow easier because we have #1.

I will look forward to checking out your site.

[maggiemay]

Ladies,
I read this thread b/c I wanted to understand SIF a little more too. A friend and I are both grieving from recurrent miscarriage and TTC at the same time. She is SIF and I am not.

I am going to pass on this website for her. AND, I like that you opened it up to both, so that perhaps it will help educate the other side!

I can appreciate your needs for understanding and support as I have often seen it in my friends eyes. You've got my support!

We all take our hardships and fear out in different ways. It is a shame we hurt others when we are hurting ourselves.
I wish everyone luck!

"We are all more alike than unalike!" -Maya Anjalou

[maddoxwantsasibling]

Thanks for setting up a website for secondary infertility! My son will be 3 in August and my husband and I have been trying for almost 2 years to have another baby. I am looking for support. My friends and family think there is nothing to worry about because we already have one and they don't understand how disappointing and upsetting it is to cope everytime that time of the month comes and still no success conceiving. I will definitely check out the site. No one I know has been through fertility treatments and I feel like I have no one with which to relate to about it.

[nani10]

Hello, I am so grateful I came across this site. I was reading your post and it feels good to know you are not alone. I have been so depressed over having secondary infertility. We have been trying for almost 2 years for number 2. I get my hopes up and so far it has not happened. I am praying every day that it will happen. I have a lot of bloodwork coming up within a month or so and I am so frustrated. It seems like everyone around me is pregnant and since I already have one child people constantly ask my husband and I, when are we going to have another one...each time I feel like a failure and I feel like my heart is breaking day by day. It would be nice to have a pal (or a couple of pals) so hopefully we can get through this together. I know a lot of support can make a big difference.

[gbaby2009]

Thank you thank you thank Nikki, I was just telling my DH how along you feel when you are going through Secondary Infertility, everyone just wants you to appreciate the child or children you have....they just don't get it.....