[bckitty]

hello, i'm new here, too. i've been reading everyone's threads and i just have to say that i can relate to everyone. I feel like everyone around me is getting pregnant (without even trying--don't you just love that phrase) except me. i'm 27, my dh is 30. We have a gorgeous 3 year old son and we have been ttc for almost 2 years now. We have done the charting, the home ovulation kits, and seen the specialist and had everything tested, and we have done 3 cycles of clomid (not fun). Apparently there is no reason I shouldn't be able to conceive again. That is just the worst--at least if there was a reason i might be able to accept this and move on. I just can't believe that if there is no reason, that i wouldn't be pregnant after trying so long!

What are some ways of dealing with all these crazy emotions over this? I felt terrible tonight when another good friend announced their second pregnancy and I burst into tears.

Although I wish that no one in the world would ever have to go through this, I am glad that I am not alone, because sometimes it feels like no one else has ever gone through it.

thanks for listening,
kitty

[hml6]

Hi there! I'm new to this forum too as a good friend of mine is going through infertility and told me about this. I went through the same thing nearly 8 years ago. My oldest son is 10 - got pregnant without trying - and then for 3 years, nothing! We wanted more children right away, but finally had to resort to IVF. I'm sure you feel all sorts of emotions, and most of them negative. I remember the despair and anxiety, and I can tell you that it will pass, but not easily. You are not alone in feeling sad when someone tells you they are pregnant. It's truly heartbreaking for you , and your reaction is completly justified. I'm not sure I can offer any good ways to go through this. I had a very supportive husband, and we leaned on each other an awful lot during those years. I can tell you that, as hard as it may seem, you need to get absorbed in other activities and make sure the stress does not affect that beautiful 3 year old. I was lucky to have friends who made sure I did that, and my oldest son benefitted. It is very easy to put your child on the back burner because you are so consumed with getting pregnant. Please do not forget to appreciate the little miracle you already have. I have to say, that when I got pregnant throught IVF, people would tell me how lucky I was to have those "miracle babies", and I would remind them that they were well planned and thought out, and that my oldest was truly my miracle. Don't lose sight of that - I know all too well how easy it is to forget about the blessing you have in front of you. Good luck with this journey and all of the ups and downs it will bring. Remember that some day, this will be but a memory, and you will be stronger for having made it through. I hope you have the chance to bring another life into this world, and I hope you always appreciate the one you already have. And perhaps one day you will be able to help someone else get through this type of thing. Trust me - you will never forget it. Best wishes to you!

[bckitty]

Thanks so much for all of your kind words and encouragement. It can be hard to keep the stress from affecting my son, but I do my best to hide it from him and give him my full attention. That is part of what is so hard--I feel guilty for not being happy with just him! Anyways, it seems like ivf worked for you and that you had more than one new baby. Congratulations to you and your family! It is so nice to see that this can end with a positive outcome. I think we are getting ready to try IUI. It was a tough decision to make, but I am hoping for the best right now.
Thank you again!
kitty

[sbusto]

Hi - This is the first time I have ever posted a message on a message board, but I'm just having a day where I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I saw your message and just wanted to tell you that I feel exactly the same.

I have a beautiful 2 year old son and we have been TTC for a year. My dh is one of 10 (yikes!) so we always thought we'd have a fairly large family. I've done 5 cycles of clomid now and it's just not working. It seems that every one of my friends is pregnant and while I am happy for them, it's so hard to deal with my feelings of jealousy and the "why me" factor. Plus I feel like I'm going this alone with no one to talk to who understands what this whole situation is like. My hubby can go to work and escape from it all, but it is on my mind all the time - I have such a hard time not thinking about it - and counting days, charting temp, and all that other stuff just doesn't help!

It's just felt like I'm the only one dealing with this, so it's nice to see there are some others who understand.

Thanks.

[tsconley]

Funny, how close our story is. I'm 26 3yr. old son my Husband is 31 and we been trying for almost a year and a half. I have my first follow up appointment tomorrow and I'm already dicouraged. All our tests came back normal too. How hard was the clomid saftly assuming that will be my inital treatment. Also, how can you afford al these treatments and is it getting expensive

[sbusto]

I actually didn't have any problems with the clomid. I had a little pain from time to time, and I may have been a bit moodier, but I didn't notice any real major side effects (although I know there can be). I guess the hot flashes were the worst for me - drove me crazy. Clomid does get expensive - I feel like I wasted so much money - but I guess you do what you have to do. Being a healthy 31 year old, I had certainly never paid $200 for a prescription before! I'm guessing that it will get more expensive as we try more things, though I'm not sure what's next for us.

[bckitty]

The clomid was hard for me. It was like being on an emotional roller coaster. I would be perfectly fine and then someone would look at me the wrong way and I would start crying or yelling. I felt like I had no control over the emotions. I think i have an extreme case though, as my body seems to be extremely sensitive to hormones. Some people have a difficult time with it, while others do ok. Luckily our insurance is really great and we only have to pay a small copay for our visits ($20). Our clomid was also covered under our prescription stuff and we only pay $10/cycle. We are trying our first IUI cycle--we actually start ov testing tomorrow!!!--and we have to pay 1/2 the price for the procedure. Hopefully your insurance will cover some of the stuff you will have to do.
As much as I hate for anyone to have to go through anything like this, it is a relief to know that I am not alone in this. Thanks again everyone for the support. Wish us luck on our IUI this month! And good luck to all of you in whatever stage of treatment you are.

kitty