[gracesmom]

Just wanted to let you know that my IVF cycle didn't work. I started my period on Saturday (was scheduled to take PT on Monday). I really was hoping that this would be the answer but, unfortunately, it's not. We decided to only try IVF once. If I didn't have a daughter then I would definitely do it again. We will still try the "natural" way and hope that it will work before our daughter graduates from high school (ha ha!). Of course, another thing I worry about besides her being an only child is the age difference between her and another one if we are so lucky. Thanks for all your support. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to hear from other women in the same situation. I also think it's pretty weird that a lot of us live in neighborhoods where everyone is extremely fertile!! Too bad we couldn't start our own neighborhood so our kids could grow up together. Thanks again for the support and kind words.....

Angela

[CreoleInDC]

Keep ya chin up Chica.

[jenedens6102]

Angela,
So sorry to hear about AF coming. I wanted to commit on your remark regarding age differences, there are 6 years between my younger brother and I. My parents had a bought of "unexplained secondary infertility" between the two of us. There were conflicts in the house due to the age difference for a few years but you know I loved him and took great care of him as a child. So proud of my little man. Then when I hit my teens (which most girls are horrible teens) I didn't get along with him at all. Now I'm married and out of the house and we've been the best of friends for 6-7 years. I'm still so proud of him!

[kobl]

Hey Angela-

Just wanted to share a few thoughts.

First, one thing that has helped me immensely is finding other moms with only one child. I found a playgroup that meets once a week and 4 of the 7 moms have only 1 child and 2 have no plans for another one. I feel like it's good for both my son and me. I think most couples with only one, whether by choice or circumstance, like the idea of their kid spending time with other onlies.

Second, I have a friend in NY, who had her son at 33, then had 5 miscarriages over the next 5 years, then had her second son at age 38 with no treatment. Even though there is almost 6 years between them, the older one calls the younger one his best friend. I also think that once you're older, the age difference doesn't matter so much. I have another good friend who is 8 years younger than her sister. They hardly interacted as kids and teenagers but now that they are both adults who are married with kids, they are extremely close. My sister and I are 18 months apart and we fought like cats and dogs as kids and didn't become close til we were in our 20's so being close in age doesn't mean your kids will be close while they're young.

Anyway, just wanted to share those stories with you. I also wanted my kids to be close in age but I have come to see the benefits of having them further apart too (assuming we are able to have another one). Good luck with tyring on your own! No shots, yeah!!

[gracesmom]

The logical side of me KNOWS that even though you have a brother or sister doesn't mean you'll be close. I have an older sister (6 years apart) and a younger brother (2 years apart). My sister and I have never been close. I really don't think it's even the age difference. We will just never be "friends" for a variety of reasons. She's my sister and I love her but we don't have a "friendly" relationship. My brother and I are EXTREMELY close. I consider him one of my best friends. We have always been that way. My husband and I were talking about this on Saturday (after I realized I wasn't pg) and he pointed out that if I didn't have my brother then I might as well have been an only child because of how my sister and I aren't close. Just because you have a sibling doesn't mean you have a built in friend. I know this is true but it still doesn't take away the fairy tale sibling relationship I think my daughter will be missing out on.

Also, I keep thinking that we will be able to give our daughter so much more if she's the only one we have. Only one college fund to save for, one wedding to pay for, great vacations, etc. etc. I just don't ever want her to be lonely and wish for a sibling. I've said before that she sometimes talks about a sister but I know she doesn't even know what it means. I just hope that as she gets older SHE doesn't feel like she's been cheated.

I definitely have good days and bad days when it comes to this. Someone else wrote that they'll be okay and then someone will announce a pregnancy and WHAM!! It hits you like a ton of bricks. I definitely feel that way and I'm hoping as Gracie grows older that the feeling will begin to go away.

KELLY........I just realized our kids are the same age. Is your son going through a naked stage??? Grace NEVER wants to keep her clothes on. My husband says better now than when she's 16!! They are so funny at this age aren't they?

[kobl]

Hey Angela--

Yeah, I noticed a few weeks ago that our kids were both born 11/03. It is funny that our kids are the same age and we've been trying for about the same amount of time. It helps to know there is someone else besides me.

My son doesn't do the naked thing but some of his friends do. John is usually too busy running around to stop for undressing. I wish I could bottle his energy and use some of it to get through treatments.

[jagjah1030]

Hi,
It was very interesting to read your response about "onlies". My "only" daughter Molly is turning five next month, and I have been wanting, so badly, to give her a sibling for the past three years. Recently, she drew a picture of our family, and she added a brother and a sister to the picture. I praised her "masterpiece", but all I really wanted to do was lock myself in the bathroom and cry. I'm just trying very hard to focus on my beautiful daughter and not on my inability to conceive again. But lately I've been sad.

[gracesmom]

Jennifer,

I know exactly how you feel. I've said before that my daughter mentions having a sister and, even though I know she really doesn't understand what that means, it KILLS, KILLS, KILLS me. Lately she's been saying it a lot more I think mostly because all of the shows she loves on Noggin have siblings. Even Blue's Clues just had a baby brother!! I'm telling you we can't get away from it can we. The other day we had some friends over who have a son only 2 months older than our daughter and they have a 5 week old daughter too. My daughter could not keep away from her. She kept touching her feet and rubbing her head. I almost started crying. I have a lump in my throat right now writing about it. I wish all of us with only children could live near each other so we didn't feel like such freaks for not being able to have another child. You are not alone in your grief and sorrow over this!

[vandycamp]

Angela -
I am sorry to hear that it didnt work for you this cycle. I guess you are just meant to have yours naturally. I wouldnt worry about age difference or her being an only child. Enjoy her and hopefully you will be able to have another one sometime soon. If you need to talk, we are always here. Hang in there! It is very hard, but I am a firm believer in things happen for a reason.

[jenn_ann_pugs]

Oh Angela,
I am sorry your IVF was unsuccessful. Your outlook on this seems positive and that is comforting for me to read. With my own prego test 6 days away, I need to figure out how my husband and I will deal with the outcome. I am happy that you have your daughter. I am sure she is such a blessing. Good luck and have lots of fun trying to conceive naturally. I am sure you won't miss hormones.

Best wishes to you,
Jenn Pugsley

[Lou lou]

Originally Posted by gracesmom

Jennifer,

I know exactly how you feel. I've said before that my daughter mentions having a sister and, even though I know she really doesn't understand what that means, it KILLS, KILLS, KILLS me. Lately she's been saying it a lot more I think mostly because all of the shows she loves on Noggin have siblings. Even Blue's Clues just had a baby brother!! I'm telling you we can't get away from it can we. The other day we had some friends over who have a son only 2 months older than our daughter and they have a 5 week old daughter too. My daughter could not keep away from her. She kept touching her feet and rubbing her head. I almost started crying. I have a lump in my throat right now writing about it. I wish all of us with only children could live near each other so we didn't feel like such freaks for not being able to have another child. You are not alone in your grief and sorrow over this!

Jennifer,
I am sad and excited for you. It tends to happen this way to get preg. the second time. I know of at least three people who had children or not and went all the way through IVF and no luck. Months later had a pregnancy.

I'm in a similar boat in that if nothing happens by around the end of this year, then we're going to let it be. We'll probably go unprotected and try au-natural for awhile, but will want to put this chapter behind us and move forward with our son as our only child.
You can only go through this for so long. It affects your whole body and mind. It isn't healthy to be so consummed, especially when there's already a little one in the home.

Don't take this wrong please. I'm saying that I feel everything you're saying so strong and dear to me too. We don't need to give up yet, but there will come a time (for me and my sweetness) to plan our future accordingly.

Best of luck to you. Please keep on posting.
Lori