[gracesmom]

I was getting dinner ready tonight and I had on the TV. I think it was Extra or some other entertainment show and there was a segment w/ Courtney Cox and how she is involved in spreading the awareness of this one disease. I forget what it is called but these children are born with skin so thin that the smallest touch can cause blistering and tearing. She has a friend who has a little boy who is affected by this. The reporter asked her as a mom if she felt like she dodged a bullet by not having a child with this disease and she said she feels like the luckiest person in the world. And, you know what?? I too am the luckiest person in the world!!

I need to stop letting the fact that I am struggling with IF again run my entire life. IF has been totally consuming me for almost 2 years now and for 3 years before the birth of my daughter. I need to stop focusing on the fact that I do not have another baby, that my daughter doesn't have a sibling, and nothing we've done is working. I HAVE A HEALTHY, SMART, AND BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER!! I have to STOP looking at every pregnant woman already pushing a stroller and wondering how old her child is, how far apart her kids will be, and if she had any trouble getting pregnant. I need to stop being so angry that my loser BIL is having ANOTHER daughter with his now ex-girlfriend. I need to stop waiting for the phone call from my SIL and my cousin-in-law telling me they are expecting #2. I NEED TO BE SO THANKFUL THAT I HAVE A HEALTHY, SMART, AND BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER!!

Wow, I truly feel better now. I will not stop trying for another miracle, but I will not let it run my life. To quote CreoleInDC.........."It is what it is."

I have to keep saying to myself, whatever happens, happens. I will hug my daughter extra tight and be thankful that I can listen to her say "I love you more than anything mommy!"

I will also continue to pray for all of the fabulous women on these boards who are struggling with IF. To those of us already blessed with a child (or children), I hope we will someday be able to feel as if our families are complete. To those of you struggling for #1.........I PRAY that you will be blessed with a child(ren) and be able to feel the pure joy that it brings!!

-Angela

[crissa]

wow....thank you for that.....i am struggling for #1 and I to believe it is consuming my life and distracting me from seeing all the other wonderful things going on around me...I am lucky to have a wonderful DH who holds my hand through the worst, but also opens my eyes when necessary....i got AF today and I want to cry but I can't....I have to keep going and looking forward....i dont want to dwell on the negative...i want to believe that one day I will be squeezing my son and daughter just like you.....and loving every minute of it....to all you wonderful beautiful ladies out there keep your heads high and be strong.....we are so fortunate to have each other especially at these weak moments....i needed that reminder.....thanks again Angela!

[kobl]

[quote=gracesmom]I have to STOP looking at every pregnant woman already pushing a stroller and wondering how old her child is, how far apart her kids will be, and if she had any trouble getting pregnant.

I do that too! Sometimes I get so obsessed with other people and their kids and how far apart they are and how many siblings they have. But it's like someone else said in another thread, that's their journey and it's not part of mine and I need to just focus on my own. Just this morning, I said to dh "you know, we're a pretty nice little family just the 3 of us" and he said "yeah, we are" and we truly meant it. If we could live in our own little world, I could be content with things as they are, it's when the outside world barges in that I get all sad and crazy.

[Gemmabean]

Angela,

You made me cry.

Thank you for your lovely post! It truly touched me.

Love,
Julie

[Gemmabean]

Chrissy,

I like your attitude! We have been struggling with IF for 7 years now, and fortunately some time ago, I realized I can't worry about past cycles, it's time & energy wasted.

When I have a failed cycle, I say, ok, onto the next, new cycle, a new cycle of hope, a new chance to get pregnant, bring it on!

You have the right attitude sweetie, keep it up!

Love,
Julie

Originally Posted by crissa

i got AF today and I want to cry but I can't....I have to keep going and looking forward....i dont want to dwell on the negative...i want to believe that one day I will be squeezing my son and daughter just like you.....and loving every minute of it....to all you wonderful beautiful ladies out there keep your heads high and be strong.....we are so fortunate to have each other especially at these weak moments....i needed that reminder.....thanks again Angela!

[wendel]

Hi Angela
Thanks for posting this. I know that, I for one, get so absorbed in self-pity because I am unable to have kids that I fail to appreciate many of the good things in my life. It is easy to get absorbed in wanting things you don't have instead of wanting the things you do have.
Thanks again for the eye opener.

Wendy

[Gemmabean]

oh what's that saying?! I think it's:

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.

[gracesmom]

Thanks for the nice responses to my post. Sometimes I think it is just easier to focus on our wants and what we don't already have than to see what is right in front of us. I just wish it was easier to be thankful for all the good things we have in our lives!

[jenedens6102]

I did this last night too. For a different reason but same end conclusion. This cannot run my life. I have to live my life and be thankful for the blessings around me. I have a great husband, a fantastic marriage, the best friends a girl could ask for and lots of babies around me to remind me how God smiles on those people. My BF had her son last night and I kept her 2 year old daughter. Watching her run around, yelling "My Jennie" and loving all over me just made me proud to be there for her. If I had a child at the same time (which we did start trying for #1 at the same time) I might not have had the opportunity to be so close with her, to teach her things and watch her grow. God has a plan and purpose for my life and I need to let go and let God! IT IS WHAT IT IS!

[LLElizabeth]

Thanks, Angela. Your post and attitude is inspiring. When you are struggling, it's so hard NOT to get down. I do the same thing. EVERY pregnant woman I see on the street, I wonder "did she have trouble getting pregnant?" "Is she thankful for her pregnancy?" I have to remember that someone else's success (whether it's easy for them or whether it took years of trying) has nothing to do with my journey. There are so many people out there that are unhappily married...or unhappily single for that matter. The fact that I can truly say that I am happily married (and blissfully so MOST days) is a huge blessing! My DH and I are young, healthy and have great families. Time, faith, patience and perseverance will bring our children to us.
Thanks again!
LL

[einstein]

Angela,

Every time I see someone who is disabled or sickly -- be it an adult or a child -- I silently say a prayer thanking God for giving me two healthy kids without a single health problem. I am so blessed, too. When I think of all the things that can go wrong -- like you said with these kids with that horrible skin disease -- I know I'm so fortunate.

What about the parents who's kids have cancer? I can't even fathom something so terrible, watching my child die before my eyes. I would have to die, too.

Thanks for reminding us how precious life is.

Karen

[croleRN]

Thank you for your post! It found me just in my time of need. It helped me to realize, I have one beautiful, healthy, amazing daughter. Here's her story...
She was conceived very easily - 1st month charting, 3rd month off BCP. Fairly easy pregnancy - along w/ the normal discomforts. (Horrible labor/birth story - but for a later time.) Beautiful baby girl - so amazing!! She was born with what we originally thought was a mark from the scalp electrode during labor. Turned out to be a small posterior encephalocele. Which is an area in her skull that did not fuse shut - and she had a portion of brain, spinal fluid and membrane - coming through that opening. When she was 10wks old - I handed my baby away to a nurse who took her for brain surgery. The amazing neurosrgeon made it seem very simple and very common. Basically opened a window into her brain, cut the extra brain tissue away pulled bone marrow out of the surrounding skull, placed over the opening and closed up her head. Almost exactly 3 years later - the only thing that would even make you wonder - if the 2 inch scar - that you can only see if I part her long, beautiful brown hair to make pig tails. She is amazing in every way, no effects at all!!!!
All this to say, thank you for your post....I remember this story and all that it involved and I am SOOO
thankful for the precious gift of my child.