[mcat1298]

Hello everyone. My name is Christy. My dh's name is Matt. We have two children conceived via unmedicated iui. My dd is 4, ds is 2. We ttc on our own before finally seeing an RE before having dd. We found out that dh had varicoceles. He had two surgeries, (the first failed. The second was to try fixing it again and to repair a hydrocele he got from the first surgery). His varicoceles never went away. We decided to do iui with them. We got pregnant with less than 300,000 with my dd in 2002 and less than 5mil with ds in 2004.
Now, fast forward to 2006...We have been ttc for almost a year for baby #3. We've done unmed iuis, clomid iuis, and now are moving on to inj iui as of tomorrow. Dh's counts are (surprisingly) much better. We've had anywhere from 10mil-30mil for each insem. We don't know why we aren't getting pregnant this time. Re thinks that we don't have MFI anymore. she's classifying us as 'Unexplained'. I start Gonal-f tomorrow after my baseline u/s and b/w.

The reason I am here is because I don't have anyone. I feel very alone. I'm sure you all understand what I am going through since you've all been here, too and hopefully i'll be able to find some support here as well as lend support to all of you.

It's so hard when everyone around you is either pregnant or just don't understand where you are coming from. I went to playgroup today and two of the other moms are pregnant and that's ALL they talked about. Another one talked about how much she hated pregnancy and is so glad she's done. And another one was saying, "we're going to get pregnant in August so that we can have a May baby"...if only it were that simple.
The worst thing is that all of these women know that dh and I have been unsuccessfully ttc. I act completely fine around them and I realize that other people's lives don't stop just b/c I'm having trouble, but I just wish that there could be some conversation about other things. It's really hard when that's ALL that people talk about. I know you all understand.
The reason I had to find a secondary infertility board is because i belong to another infertility board and I always feel like I'm not 'worthy' of being sad about not having another one. If I mention being upset or sad, I really get the feeling that most of them feel like I should be grateful for having kids at all. I TOTALLY get that b/c i've been there, too. However, I'm still human. I still have the need and desire to have another one. As grateful as I am for the two I have, I am not complete. I feel like i'm supposed to be a family of 5 and I don't think i'll feel complete until we are one.

I really need to hear from you girls right now. i'm feeling the lowest i've felt since starting the process this time around. I have my ups and downs, but today was my rock bottom.

I'm sorry if i'm sharing too much too soon. I just have so much scrambling around in my head right now.

Thanks in advance for your support. I hope to get to know you all very well and we can go through this together.
Christy

[Elsee hopeful]

Christy,


You have come to the right place. You can do whatever you want here... cry, vent, share joy... ANYTHING! Regardless, we will be here for you.

I understand completely how you feel. As a victom of secondary infertility too, it doesn't make it any easier when people around you are popping them out left and right. Everyone has a vision of their ideal family and should not stop until they get what they want and deserve. This is definitely a site that will support you to keep trying.

[shb24]

Welcome, Christy! You've found a great forum of wonderful & supportive women.

I hope your IUI goes well & that your time here will be short. Please lean on us anytime.

Shelly

[MIRANDA12503]

Welcome! Sorry to hear of your IF struggles. May the future bring you a BFP.

Best of luck

Miranda

[KarryB]

Christy!!!! I too am on Gonal-F and am having my 2nd IUI on Fri!! Sorry to hear of your struggles, but you have found a place of support. Good luck to you and DH!!

[gingerj]

Christy! I hope you find the support, encouragement, and inspiration you want here. This forum is the best I've seen. All the girls are absolutely wonderful and have genuine concern and care for what you are going through. Try to stay positive. I know it is really hard sometimes when you feel you don't have anyone to talk to about this. We are all here for you!!

[mcat1298]

Thank you SO much for all of your responses. It means so much to me. I knew all of you would understand. Like I said, I completely understand that other people's lives don't stop just b/c i'm having trouble, it's just hard when you are at the time of your life where so many of your friends are pregnant. I am very grateful for my two kids. I realize that not everyone has that joy. I just want to complete my family. It's so nice to feel welcomed here. I have tried so many other boards and it just felt like I didn't fit in very well. Thank you so much for such a warm welcome!
Christy

[mnwilkes]

Christy-- You have definitely come to the right place! This group of girls is so supportive! I've never had to hold back how hurt I am or anthing. Everyone is wonderful here

I wish you the best of luck on your journey through IF. I understand that you can be grateful for the two children you have, but still have the desire for more. It's understandable. And I KNOW how it is to have the conversation be about pregnancy and only pregnancy. It's hard and hurtful. But we're here for you!!