[sarah16]

When are you ladies going to give up this quest to have more than one child? My husband and I have decided already that we are going to do 3 IUIs but no IVF or adoption. If we don't have another one we are going to take our daughter on wonderful vacations each year with the money we are saving. Do you have a set time line or are you just going with the flow?

[94VALENTINEWANTSBLNG]

Originally Posted by sarah16

When are you ladies going to give up this quest to have more than one child? My husband and I have decided already that we are going to do 3 IUIs but no IVF or adoption. If we don't have another one we are going to take our daughter on wonderful vacations each year with the money we are saving. Do you have a set time line or are you just going with the flow?

Wow, I almost don't really know how to take that question. I am dealing with secondary IF, my daughter is 13. But my DH has never even experienced the joy of pregnancy and an infant of his own. We both love my (our) daughter to death, but we want to share one together as well, not to mention my daughter would love to have a brother or a sister, she has been wanting that for a long time. I guess we will give up if the burning desire ever goes away, but it hasn't yet, so we are going to keep trying. I believe it a personal decision. But for whatever the reasons are for people to keep trying, I say do what your heart desires, and I am here to support you all the way. Your question might come off kind of harsh to some that are very sensitive on this site. I am sure you didn't mean it in a mean way, but it is a little un-nerving on the first reading of it. I by no means mean to offend anyone by saying how I perceived it at first, I apologize if I am misconstruing anything. IF is very sticky, we come here to support one another, it is hard enough dealing with people in person sometimes with some of the things they say, so we should be king of careful of sounding callous on the site, this place is the only place some of us find comfort and the feeling of understanding in this hard battle. Sometimes we are more sensitive to it than other times. Hugs to everyone here.

[sarah16]

I absolutely did not mean to offend anyone. I am so sorry if I did. I just get the comment "at least you have one" so much I'm always trying to plan the future and what I want to do. I was wondering if others are in the same boat.

[jenedens6102]

Sarah, I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it. However, some people are just on different emotional sets right now and while some people might think this question is far game others won't. For me, I'm still dealing with primary infertility, we made up our minds that we'd do everything possible to have a child. We've gone through three IUIs and one IVF, all failed. So with that we called it quits on the fertility specialist side of things. We would love to adopt and it has always been a plan of ours so it isn't "second best" to having a biological child in our minds. If the Lord chooses to bless us with a biological child of our own we'll be just as blessed. There is no end for me, I'm meant to be a mommy and I will be.

[TGB]

I dealt with primary infertility -- meaning couldn't have one child. I started this process saying I would never do IVF -- only IUIs. Then I got into IVF and said I would never use a donor egg. Well as I type this I am finally pregnant having used a donor egg.

My point is even when you say what your limits are you never know.

I think it is really insensative when people say at least you have one. As someone stated earlier IF hurts whether or not its your first or fifth. Having a child(or children) is something everyone should be able to experience as many times as they care to.

[t2j]

Yes, a very personal decision indeed. I am sure each desire to end treatment is based on something....not the desire to NOT have another child. Then why put yourself through any of it if the desire is not there? We have decided that after all of our frozen embabies are used up, we will stop. We are stopping due to being so far from an RE, plus my DH will be deployed. We would have to do it in Japan or Hawaii, and they are pricey, as we pay out of pocket for most of it. The desire would remain, just the means are too costly and not within our reach. But we will get pregnant next time....I am sure of it!!!

[jagjah1030]

It's really hard to determine "ahead of time" what you are willing to do to have another child. Personally, I thought I would go through whatever procedures my insurance would pay for. For me, that meant 4 IVF's. Then I had my first (and only) IVF. WELL....that was pure hell. It was the most physically and emotionally painful process I've ever been through. After it, my husband and I started marriage counselling! So, I found I wasn't truly willing to go on. Fortunately, we had frozen embryos and decided to do a transfer, which was successful. I think it's such an emotional roller coaster that it's very easy to change your mind a gazillion times. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

[mcat1298]

I didn't take your posting in a negative way, although I can see how some people would have. I took it as more of an expression of how much you are struggling with this right now and how you just don't know how long you can keep going. And that's okay. It's perfectly okay to not know when/if the journey will come to an end if you are not able to conceive a second child.
It's hard for many to know when their plan is to stop at a certain point b/c once you get there, I do think that many people would tell you that they hadn't planned to go as far as they have...yet they do b/c they want to feel complete and have a family if at all possible.

Now, all that said, I do have an end to my journey mapped out. We have decided to do 2 more injectible iuis (after this one) and if we still aren't pregnant we will stop.
My reasons are that we just don't have the finances to try any more than that and we aren't comfortable with or have finances for ivf -- I think it's WONDERFUL technology and i'm not saying no one should utilize it. It's just that we have two children and want a third. If we were to do ivf, chances are that we would end up with some frozen embies. I don't want to freeze embies b/c I will not discard and don't feel comfortable donating my embies for research or embryo donation. So if we did ivf, got pregnant, and had leftover embies, that would force me into the decision to try for a 4th or more child b/c I don't want them to just sit frozen indefinitely. I don't know if this makes sense or not. I mean, if we end up with twins from this inj cycle i just did, i would feel blessed, but we aren't 'trying' for more than one more child. I will feel complete with 3 children and don't want to feel pressured into using frozen embies at some point. inj iui is our only option. We've done 4 unmed iuis, 6 clomid iuis, and now 1 inj iui. We have 2 to go before we'll put an end to our journey.
We may choose to adopt some day, but I want to be 100% confident that we are making that choice b/c we want to, not b/c it's the 'last resort'. So i will not make that choice until my husband and I are 100% ready.

Hope that makes sense. lol

[MsSchmidt]

We've never had a successful prgnancy unassisted. I always said I probably wouldn't do anything beyond clomid! Then they told me I couldn't take clomid anymore. I said I'd try Letrozole, but that was it. Then Let was a miserable failure and injectables/IUI were suggested. I said okay, but just once. That failed and we're gearing up for one more shot at it in a month or two. You just never know how far you'll go till you get there.

This probably really will be it for us, because we have no infertility coverage so everything is out of pocket. We just can't afford to keep trying indefinitely. Hopefully this next one will work. If not, I don't think I'm ever going to feel like I'm completely done. We'll just wing it and hope for the best.

[jenedens6102]

I do agree with the others. What we may say is our limit may not stay our limit. I also said we wouldn't do anything beyond IUIs. When we were told that our only option was IVF we took a year and a half on because to begin with IVF was off limits for us. However, as you can see we went on to IVF. Then we said we'd only do one. Right now that is still the plan but neither of us can say that if we get the money saved up again or have the opportunity that we wouldn't do it again. I can't predict the future and my feelings may change.

[94VALENTINEWANTSBLNG]

My husband was absolutely against going back when our first ivf failed, then we had embies frozen so he said "Ok, since we have them we may as well give FET a shot." Then when we m/c that one, he said no way, he couldn't take that anymore. Well low and behold he asked me if I think I could stand another round of injections, I told him for him absolutely. So we went for fresh #2, that time poor egg quality and it failed with none left to freeze. So yet again he asked, so here we are gearing up for fresh #3, we truly believe third time will be a charm. But if not, I believe we will be going back again, we have already met our out of pocket max for the year, so I agree with him in saying why not go back. The only thing we have to pay for are the meds at this point. There is no limit on attempts as far as the insurance this year, but next year it may change, just like medication coverage did for this year, so we are going to use it while we can. We are seriously thinking about adopting even if we do get preggo with one biologically. We really feel adopted children are extra special because they are readily available to be a blessing for someone longing for a child. Once you sign the final adoption papers and consents (unlike ivf) you have your child to hold and love. With ivf, you sign and hope to have one. Good luck to everyone, whether they are continuing/ending their IF journey, or they are planning to adopt, both are very personal and can be very hard to deal with at times. God Bless.

[MaggieMoo]

No offense taken. And it is a personal discision to make on how far you take your IF journey. For me, I never gave up. I have always had the burning desire to keep going until I achieved my goal. I changed RE's two times and did many more tests to find more of a diagnoses for me. It really became a quest. In my heart, I knew I couldn't give up. My dh had different takes on what we should do next. He wanted me to just give up and be happy with our ds. Although I was completely happy with having my ds, I longed for another child and to give my ds a sibling. I was told all the time to be happy with what you have. It is heartbreaking to know that we can't get pg, whether if you are trying for #1, #2 or #3 etc. I felt guilty and less of a women, I think that is what kept me going. I wish you all the best in your journey and what ever choice you make for yourself.

[sarah16]

Thanks ladies for the advice and encouragement! With it being Easter weekend we are with lots of family, friends and others who ask all the uncomfortable questions about why I don't have another child.

[ShiningHope]

I can definately relate with you. I am going through the same ordeal right now. Don't know if we will continue through the IVF route yet. I have my 3rd IUI scheduled and then going to injectibles next cycle. I have thought about calling it quits after the 2nd injectible if it doesn't work, but like everyone says, you never know what your decision will be until you hit that road.

[nedege24]

I just wanted to put in my 3 cents, I am still struggling with primary infertility, and it has been a journey filled with disappointments, fears, sometimes happiness, just every emotions you can think about; I have felt it .There are limits that I am willing to cross regardless of what it will cost me, however my DH isn't as willing, what do i do i love this man, thus, I am now 26 yrs and have decided if I don’t get pregnant by 30 yrs I will stop trying, I said all that to say that it is a personal decision, some stop based on medication and expenses but I will stop base on my age, this is subject to change. Because it just seems like IF has already consumed a lot of my life, so I 've decided to just let go and let God.