[nms17]

I am a 30 year old who has an AMAZING 4yo stepdaughter. My ex was never married to her mom so I have really been in her life since she was 3. She is the closest thing to my child as I could ever hope for but we are beginning on our own journey and i am nervous.

We have been ttc for 6 months but I am 39 and time is not on my side. My FSH is 7 and baseline AFC is 8. HSG is normal and my husband's SA looks good.

Is there anyone out there in my position who understands the added pressure of being a step mom who might face real challenges getting pregnant?

My biggest fear is not being able to conceive and feeling inadequate to his ex. Not to mention I am wondering what my chances are of having a baby...

[rhmaxx]

I can totally relate. My Dh has 3 girls and when he was married before him and his now ex concieved very easily. Now we have been trying forever it seems like. I know that he does not want to be with his ex so that helps us out a lot.

Originally Posted by nms17

I am a 30 year old who has an AMAZING 4yo stepdaughter. My ex was never married to her mom so I have really been in her life since she was 3. She is the closest thing to my child as I could ever hope for but we are beginning on our own journey and i am nervous.

We have been ttc for 6 months but I am 39 and time is not on my side. My FSH is 7 and baseline AFC is 8. HSG is normal and my husband's SA looks good.

Is there anyone out there in my position who understands the added pressure of being a step mom who might face real challenges getting pregnant?

My biggest fear is not being able to conceive and feeling inadequate to his ex. Not to mention I am wondering what my chances are of having a baby...

[nms17]

How aggressive are you being with IVF?

[Meg03]

I am in a very similar situation. DH has a DD from his 1st marriage. They were in High School when she was conceived. Her mother is still around but I have been in her life since she was 20 months old. She is now 8 and will be 9 in April. I love her so much. I am her mom. DH and I started TTC 6 years ago. I know I am young (or at least was when we started) but we want more children so bad. I too feel like I cannot give him something she did. I don't think it is something I can ever get over. Step-parenting is hard. It take a unique kind of woman to be a good step-parent. Good luck with your journey. I you will be soon!

[nms17]

Thanks Meg and best of luck to you also! Seems selfish to be talking about it and I feel guilty sometimes as well!

[fingerscrossedagain]

I conceived at the age of 17 with my high school sweetheart. We broke up years later without ever marrying. We have both since married and his wife has damaged tubes and my husband has a low sperm count....seems a little like divine retribution but I have to think that it's not because I did the responsible thing and raised my child to be a wonderful caring 15 year old. God has got to have forgiven me by now! Anyways, sitting on the other side of the fence I can tell you that even I can see how hard it is for stepparents. It is difficult to think that your spouses' only child(ren) will be with someone other than you. I can't give you a solution to the feelings you are having but I can tell you that you should talk about it with your husband. He needs to know how you're feeling and he needs to validate your fears and make you feel better about them. I'm sure if he could, he would make you the mother of his children in an instant but, unfortunately, none of us has that power. I wish every day that I could make my husband feel less inadequate because I know that is truly what he thinks of himself. He loves my son as his own but he really wants to father a child of mine himself. I pray that we both get what we want. Good luck!

[KEEPNFAITH]

I am currently in the middle of a 3rd IVF cycle and I am a stepmother of 2 girls. I completely understand your pain. Just keep telling yourself it will happen and keep the positive energy flowing. I have to keep telling myself that my time will come but I know inside you are screaming WHEN? Just think of how great of a mother you will be because of all the experience! I have read alot on the effects of stress on the body and it is amazing the negative influences it can have. Don't let this get you down. Just keep trying and having fun!

[hopeing]

I know how you guys feel my DH has two daughters with his ex wife and whenever I am around them or listening to him talk to them I feel like I am left out. I see how he acts and think that I may never be able to have that and it hurts.

[Elle625]

I too am a stepmother of a 7 year old, which my dh conceived with his first wife. I often beat myself up over not being able to have my own because I feel like it makes our marriage so much different than his first. Also, can I just say that I hate when anyone finds out that I can't conceive and their response is "oh, well at least you already have a child". While I understand what the reasoning is behind this, and yes I feel like my stepdaughter is "mine", this is not at all the same. It's like I've been cheated and I have to settle for being "just a stepparent".

[sireland]

I know what you're going through. My husband has 2 boys from his previous marriage, and I love them to death, but I do want a couple of my own. We have been TTC for a little over a year, and really just started the fertility process. I may have PCOS, and DH just did his SA so we don't know the results of that yet. So it seem to be that I;m the one with the fertility problem, and I feel like a failure, it's all I've ever wanted to do, just to have a couple kids. I've had all the basic tests done, and the HSG, which sucked. But hoepfully the HSG was a positive step as it appeared that the fallopian tubes weren't completely blocked, but had some blockage, and now they're open. Now if I could just get my body to ovulate!!! Will be starting Clomid and Ovidrel shots with the next cycle, whenever that decides to come. It is so frustrating that it all takes so long, especially waiting to see if my body will start it's own cycle instead of taking more drugs to do so. Good luck to you, hopefully it wiil happen soon!!!

[karama]

I am a 30 year old step mom to twin boys (age 11). My husband is actually quite a bit older than me but we have been ttc for 3+ years now. I have been diagnosed with mild PCOS. We were actually able to get pregnant on our own back in June of 2008 but I miscarried at about 6 weeks. I was a mess!! Didn't want to talk to anyone and missed several days of work. Since then... still no success. I just finished my first round of Clomid/Ovidrel and was confident it would work....went in for follicle scan and had two @ 20mm on my right ovary, prog was at 52. Everything looked good and then good ole AF showed up yesterday. Devastated, once again!!

I find it difficult already having the boys because I see the bond that they have with their biological mother and father and I cannot fathom not ever having that with a child of my own. It breaks my heart to think about it. Granted, I LOVE them just like they were my own...when ppl ask me how many children I have I say "two" and leave it at that. It's just a very tough situation.

[thewilliamsons]

Originally Posted by karama

I am a 30 year old step mom to twin boys (age 11). My husband is actually quite a bit older than me but we have been ttc for 3+ years now. I have been diagnosed with mild PCOS. We were actually able to get pregnant on our own back in June of 2008 but I miscarried at about 6 weeks. I was a mess!! Didn't want to talk to anyone and missed several days of work. Since then... still no success. I just finished my first round of Clomid/Ovidrel and was confident it would work....went in for follicle scan and had two @ 20mm on my right ovary, prog was at 52. Everything looked good and then good ole AF showed up yesterday. Devastated, once again!!

I find it difficult already having the boys because I see the bond that they have with their biological mother and father and I cannot fathom not ever having that with a child of my own. It breaks my heart to think about it. Granted, I LOVE them just like they were my own...when ppl ask me how many children I have I say "two" and leave it at that. It's just a very tough situation.

I can relate to you. My husband has a 10 year old girl and a 9 year old boy from his previous marriage. I to love them like they were my own but I am with you I see that connection they have with their biological parents and I want that. Saying I want that however I would NEVER treat my step children any different as if they were my own either way it goes for me having a child of my own. Hope that makes since. I have to say I think that his ex wife being able to give him something I can't plays on my self esteem. I feel like my body is falling me and I am falling as a woman.

I have also conceived and miscarried very early about 6 1/2 years ago. We have been married for 4 years now and have been trying about that whole time to get pregnant. I am now going through Clomid cycles (on my 2nd month) and that is my biggest fear is it not working once again. My husband is very supportive and I am blessed to have the support system I have.