We lost our angel at 34 weeks. - Page 4

reddee24 · #46 (**permalink**) 12-12-2008, 08:48 AM

Sorry Girls that I haven't replied to your very sweet posts. This has been a pretty bad week for me. I've been sleeping my days away for the most part. I was in the same pj's for almost three days. We did get some news on the reason for Halle's death. My genetic counselor called yesterday. In their professional opinion they feel as though Halle's death was due to a chromosomal abnormality they found on part of her #16. Its called 16P Duplication. Its linked to pregnancy loss, severe mental impairment, physical abnormalities, etc... I can't believe it! As my genetic counselor said this was a fluke thing that it even happened. Why my daughter? We did three IVF cycles to get pregnant with her. She went through so much to get conceived only to have this as her fate! This is such bull****! I'm so mad! She got robbed of a life she fought really hard to get. I miss my Halle so much.

KuddleyGal · #47 (**permalink**) 12-12-2008, 01:13 PM

Reddee,

I am so very very sorry for your loss, and the news of why. We are here for you!

reddee24 · #48 (**permalink**) 12-12-2008, 02:30 PM

Thank you for thinking of us KuddleyGal.

reddee24 · #49 (**permalink**) 12-12-2008, 02:35 PM

We are still waiting on the autopsy too. I go for my five week check up with my OB/GYN next Tuesday (that should be fun). Hopefully he'll have the report when we go. I'm going for a beer tonight with my husband. Bottoms up!

WorldsGreatestAunt · #50 (**permalink**) 12-12-2008, 10:49 PM

I'm so sorry you and your husband are having to go through this tourture. I could barley walk when I had my m/c at a little over 6 weeks so I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Huge hug to you

futuremom2b · #51 (**permalink**) 12-13-2008, 12:07 PM

Red ~ I'm am sooooooo sorry to hear about your GREAT loss, It made me so sad to read your post and think about you and what you have been going through. I just want you to know that there is nothing to say to make you feel better, but if you need to talk (e-mail), feel free to PM me. I won't pretend to understand, but I will be a friend to listen when you're sad, and try and help pick you up.
I am so sorry.

renni1010 · #52 (**permalink**) 12-13-2008, 04:03 PM

I am so very sorry for the loss of Halle. She will always be with you in your heart.

Sending you *prayers*

reddee24 · #53 (**permalink**) 12-13-2008, 04:35 PM

Thanks so much girls! This really does help...
I'll let you all know when I find out Halle's autopsy results.

TZT · #54 (**permalink**) 12-13-2008, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reddee24

Thanks so much girls! This really does help...
I'll let you all know when I find out Halle's autopsy results.

Reddee,

I read this when you first posted it, but it was too emotional for me to know how to say anything...

I'm sorry your loss...

You're in my prayers.

reddee24 · #55 (**permalink**) 12-13-2008, 05:47 PM

Well thank you for posting to me. I still can't believe this has happened and its been a month already. I still feel the sting like it happened yesterday.

parker john · #56 (**permalink**) 12-13-2008, 06:01 PM

i am so sorry for you loss of ... my thoughts and prayers are with you sand your husband

hopefulmama · #57 (**permalink**) 01-09-2009, 07:53 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. My little angel William died a few hours after birth - his 2nd birthday would be on Jan 16. I must say that not a day goes buy that I don't think of him but it does get easier. Waiting for the autopsy results is very tough...

reddee24 · #58 (**permalink**) 01-09-2009, 08:56 AM

Hi everyone,
Thanks Audra for your post. I'm having better moments, but I still haven't reached a day that I don't lose it at least once or twice. I wish that my pain would go away, or that this never happened, but I am wishing for the impossible. Sometimes I think what would it be like if I never got pregnant with Halle? Would it be easier to not feel this pain as deeply as I do? I would feel like myself then. The only answer I have is if I didn't feel any of this, if I didn't experience any of this, then we wouldn't have had Halle at all and that isn't okay. We are SO thankful for our little girl and the time we did have with her. But as I look up at the sky on these cold nights we've been having, and look at our puppy to make sure he pees before going to bed, I think of what was supposed to be with her. We have Loui (puppy mini poodle) only because we lost her. Don't get me wrong, we adore this dog, as he has gotten us through a lot of bad days with his unconditional love. Its just sad because I know that we have him, because we don't have her. I look up at the stars and make a wish every night they are out. I also tell Halle how much I love and miss her. I wish for the universe to bring A and I more children just as sweet and beautiful as she is.
We found out the reason for Halle's death. It turns out that she had something called 16P duplication which can cause death. Our doctors called it a fluke thing. Its just how her choromosome formed. You can look it up online. They are starting to do research into chromosomal abnormalities for SYDS. Halle also had a blood clot on her brain, but no one can say for sure if that is what killed her.
My due date is over (24th), Christmas is done, we rang in the New Year without her, so now what? We keep trying more IVF cycles for sure and look into adoption.
I had just started my pill pack on Sunday. Monday, my OB/GYN called to tell me that my pap smear came back abnormal. My husband and I went on Wednesday for my endometrial biopsy and colcoscopy. Hopefully we'll have the results by next Wednesday, so we can move on with my IVF cycle. I need to be doing something, so I don't go out of my mind.
Seriously, this has been hell for A and me. Thanks so much for your posts. They've all meant so much to me. As our cycle progresses I'll keep you all posted. Keep your fingers crossed that my tests come back okay please. XOXO

hopefulmama · #59 (**permalink**) 01-09-2009, 02:16 PM

I know. After William passed I could not wait until we could try to get pregnant again. I just felt so empty inside. There were several delays which were very tough to take (I had to have my gall bladder removed and I later had a gallstone become lodged in my liver). I'm

that your results come back soon and that everything is fine. Wanted to let you know that there are support groups out there. I noticed you live in NJ - I live on Long Island and I know there are several run through the hospitals ands also a walk in group (this is the one I go to). I'm sure there are some in NJ - let me know if you want my help looking into where they might be. I know it's not for everyone but it helped me tremendously - it was wonderful to be able to be somewhere where I could speak freely about my son, where everyone had "been there". I also went to a grief couselor which was wonderful. Thinking of you and

for you.
Audra

reddee24 · #60 (**permalink**) 01-09-2009, 02:48 PM

Hi Audra,
Actually A and I were supposed to go to a support group at the hospital where we delivered Halle on Wednesday. Unfortunately, due to the tests I had done and the weather we decided to skip it. There is another one on the fourth of next month that we plan to go to. We are also seeing our therapist who was there for us throught the three IVF cycles it took us to get pregnant with Halle. I think the support group will be helpful though. I'm starting to feel like its hard for me to really say how I'm feeling to most of my friends without sounding like a constant downer. I also risk hearing them give me suggestions on what I should be doing and I just can't listen to it now. I just put on the best front I can for them and break down later. Don't get me wrong, everyone has been WONDERFUL, but its hard for people to empathize unless they have gone through it like we have. That is why I need this forum and a good support group. I don't have to pretend to be okay here. Thanks so much again!

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