[tvolliphi]

As i read thru everyones frustrations i finally felt i wasn't a bad person having the same thoughts as alot of you. We have been trying for about a year and half, we have gone thru 4 IUI's w/clomid with no luck. Next step is HSG next week. The hardest thing for us is i am mad about it, and my husband is trying to be supportive and say it will happen...But when i ask? my only goal/dream was to be a mom, and now we are coming to the reality that might not happen? So why is this? i thought i have done everything right in my life? but some how i feel i am being punished? Then i think what if i would have married someone else? whould this be the same or would i have my children? We have a strong faith but this whole process has me doubting everyone and everything! I know my story is no different then alot of yours, and that makes me feel bad that i shoud be having a self pitty party, when there are people in this world in bad situations...I have a good job, i have a loving husband, we do well for ourselves, why isn't that enough for me? Thanks for letting me vent..i have been holding this in for all long time...its more frustraing when i see high school girls that are pregnant? and all my friends are having babies? when is it our turn? okay..i am done venting...please don't misunderstand anyhting i said, i am just fustrated with the whole process. I want to be a mom....

[grumpy007]

I feel like leaving my husband all the time for us not having children by now. I completely blame him for us not having children. Let me explain...

We have been together since I was 19. We always talked about having children. That was the plan. That was the plan. That was the plan!

We were going to wait until we were done with school.

I am now 31. We have finally been trying for the past year. We waited so long because he kept saying, wait! wait! wait!

At first, he said wait for me to be done with nursing school. Then it was wait for me to be finished with 2 years of work.

Then I found out about his affair with another woman. He was with another woman for 2 and a half years. While I was busting my butt in nursing school, starting my career and begging him for a baby, he was telling me to wait. I suddenly found out why I was really waiting to have a baby. I was waiting for him to finish his steamy affair.

We decided to go to counseling. It took me a year to really get over his affair. I didn't care as much about the affair as the slap in the face for not having children.

After his affair, during our counseling and healing, he told me we had to wait to have children until I was not so mad at him anymore. So we had to wait again. Finally, I put my foot down because both my best friends were having children and he reluctantly agreed to try to get pregnant. He further insulted me and pulled out before ejaculation.

What made me angry is that he took away my years I could have been holding my baby. Instead he traded them for MY nights alone while he was with his girlfriend at his office or at a hotel room enjoying his sex.

Another thing that made me angry was that I consistently wanted to have a baby with him. Through his affair, after the affair, all the time I always asked him for a baby. And he consistently told me to wait or pull out before ejaculation. How wonderful for his ego that I beg him for a baby even though he does these awful things. What a blow to my ego.

Now I realize after all these years, it is MY fault for not having children. I could have left him. I could have bought internet sperm! Anything! But instead I put up with him telling me to wait.

Now that I am doing IVF, I feel like I am taking the bull by the horns. I feel empowered over my own infertility. And then my RE drops 3 of my fertilized eggs on the floor! And then I read about octuplets in the news...and my frustrations continue. I get to look forward to more frustrations, not being

Sorry, I had to vent! Thanks for listening!

[PG_Florida]

Holy crap. How do you drop them on the floor?! I'm sorry to hear about that, it's terrible. But maybe the 1 that was transferred will do the trick!!!

I need to vent too..... I've been interviewing for a new position, which would be terrific. But now my mom keeps hinting that "timing" isn't good and asking how I would juggle going back to work after having a baby. And my husband, who's been excited during all the 2ww and disappointed when ol' AF arrives... now he says, you can't take a new job and turn around and say, btw I'm preggo. I WISH I HAD THAT PROBLEM!!! As I tell them both, I don't have the job yet and I don't have the baby. Until I have one, the other, or both I will not worry about it. But now I feel guilty about the whole thing!

My DH said he was OK w/ injections & IUI, but he made a big eye rolling procedure about signing the consent forms. Now I feel like I can't even bring up or complain about anything related to the subject. And then I stress that if I write this down, someone will read it and think what a loser couple with a bad marriage. Not true at all! We have a terrific relationship, just are having a hiccup over the timing of this. Just b/c I want to take a chance with a bigger, better job does that mean I have to stop trying to get pregnant? And why does everyone think that getting pregnant will make me stupid?!?!?!!!!!!!

Maybe I'm having a hormonal day... but I'm pumping hormones into my stomach every night and about to take a big one in my butt (hCG) which btw, my DH said he wants nothing to do w/ needles so I have to go in Wed morning for ultrasound & bloodwork and then go back AGAIN at the end of the day for the shot. With all this going on, we're allowed to have hormonal days, right?!?!?!?!

[mdbrum16]

I just wanted to tell you girls all of us need to vent and wanted to send you a big !! Keep venting all you need we are all here for you!

[grumpy007]

PG Florida- A lot of women work new jobs while they are newly PG. There's never a good time to be PG! Life happens too fast! And besides, a new better job means more money for baby stuff! Way to go PG Florida! Your family will see how well you're doing at your new job while your PG and forget all about their comments! And your DH will be so happy and overwhelmed by the new one comming!

Good luck PG Florida!

[newdadtobe]

How about a Male point of view? We tried 5 times IUI to no avail. My wife was crazed and miserable, she couldn't stand teh site of pregnant women. (I too started to feel that way after 5 tries). So now after our 6th cycle we are 6 weeks pregnant with twins. Now she is feeling sick all of the time and still won't smile. So hang in there because IUI/IVF works. I just wish my wife would smile and stop complaining, when all she wanted to be was preggers. Now she is and she is miserable.

[c*bo]

I was searching the internet on how to cope with infertility since apparently no one around me understands and I came across all of you guys! Reading your posts has given me so much hope that I am not crazy for the way I feel sometimes. I know my dh is as frustrated as I am with the whole situation, but it still doesn't help. When I get upset, he gets angry because he can't fix it. So I try to hold it all in and then my emotions come over me and I can't control it. Who else is there to confide my true feelings with besides him? I should be able to talk to by closest friends about it but I feel as if they are contributing to the whole issue. It seems as if they are going to beat me to the punch. I know that is awful to say and I know it isn't a race, but there isn't anything like trying for years and see someone get it right on the first try. Sometimes (or all the time) a good hard cry makes me feel so much better.

[Summerwine]

I think I may have a special situation, I'm 41 and single and am in a fairly new relationship with a younger man who I have been in a couple with for about 1 year. He was one of my biggest cheerleaders for becoming a single parent, he is one himself though he only has visitation with his daughter.

I just had my first IUI cycle with a RE after a lot of unnecessary delays due to my Gyn's negligence. I was on injectable FSH with a Hcg trigger so a stressful week etc. I was hoping my partner would be support for me in this process but on the night I O'd he decided to make it clear once again that he didn't want to be responsible for another child. I know we may be parting ways soon but did he have to pick the worst moment to have this kind of serious discusion(we've had many talks about this before so it is already clear)? he did come to my 2nd IUI with me but was so stressed he seemed to just be able to go through the motions.

Why is this so hard?

[grumpy007]

Originally Posted by Summerwine

I think I may have a special situation, I'm 41 and single and am in a fairly new relationship with a younger man who I have been in a couple with for about 1 year. He was one of my biggest cheerleaders for becoming a single parent, he is one himself though he only has visitation with his daughter.

I just had my first IUI cycle with a RE after a lot of unnecessary delays due to my Gyn's negligence. I was on injectable FSH with a Hcg trigger so a stressful week etc. I was hoping my partner would be support for me in this process but on the night I O'd he decided to make it clear once again that he didn't want to be responsible for another child. I know we may be parting ways soon but did he have to pick the worst moment to have this kind of serious discusion(we've had many talks about this before so it is already clear)? he did come to my 2nd IUI with me but was so stressed he seemed to just be able to go through the motions.

Why is this so hard?

My dh did a similar thing. When we were trying naturally he "pulled-out" when we knew I was ovulating (I was diligent about peeing on those ovulation sticks). I couldn't believe it. I was so angry and I felt so lied to and betrayed. I felt like he was SERIOUSLY WASTING MY TIME. I seriously considered leaving him. It was so awful.

He was fairly supportive during the IVF cycles. He knew that if he flaked that I would probably need to leave him. I would never give up my plans for a family for someone who would flake like that. I would be 90 years old, looking back on my life, realizing I had no children and saying, "But it was my husband's decision and he flaked." No way man! In reality I knew it would be MY FAULT if I had NO CHILDREN. I could've bought internet sperm =).

But now I'm super preggers and I don't have to go down that path. I feel empowered and brave for all that I went through to accomplish this. I am looking forward to motherhood and raising my daughter to be strong and not let people push her around, especially on issues that are very important to her.