[bistro]

I was so excited to finally see an RE. During the appointment, everyone was so wonderful and supportive and I left feeling hopeful and positive for the first time in a while. The solution . . . a simple thing to do, but something that falls on my husband.

Long story short, we have not spoken to each other except to fight for about 24 hours. I have now decided to keep my mouth shut until he is ready to be civil to me again. He is being resistant to STOPPING something that would not be foolproof, but is medically proven to help.

I feel awful. I feel like I am not as important as his habit and that making a baby is not as important as his habit. He is pushing me away and does not even care.

HELP. I'm just so miserable today.

[makenalelu]

I'm guessing that most the women on here have had some type of situation with their DH like you explained. After going thru this for almost 2 years, I finally realized first hand than men just don't think like us. Women are proactive, men reactive. I have read about studies done...that men faced with infertility are around 6 months to 1 year behind the women. With that being said, I faced that with my DH. I was ready to move onto procedures, tests, etc...he just wanting to keep trying naturally. It took him until about 18 months to finally admit we might have a problem. I was realizing this after 6 months.

He will probably come around, though it may take some time. Tell him to do his own research...sometimes it helps for them to come to terms with the situation without you being the one telling them about it. Best of luck!

[bistro]

Thanks makenlelu. It is good to know that so many people are in the same boat. I know he feels badly that his "manhood" was attacked.

We are talking again, but unfortunately, we missed a very critical 2 days. Today should be my O day and since we were fighting the last two days, we did not have sex, even though I pointed out to him the importance. It really pisses me off that 2 days of him being angry are going to kill this whole cycle! We are still trying naturally and every time we do not get pregnant means another step closer to intervention . . . and more frustration.

Men are so stupid and illogical!!

[HorseyLover]

I totally agree with Makenalelu. My husband is way behind me. I'm working with my mom to get the adoption process started so that we can be ready if these IUIs (and eventually IVF) doesn't work. My husband said to me, "we're not even close to adopting. I could understand if we were in our 40s". I was like, "in our 40s - that's 6 years away - I don't want to wait that long." So, they are def behind us. I'm not letting that stop me - I'm still pushing forward with getting approved for adoption!!

Also, I'm not sure what the "habit" is - but if it's an addictive one, it could be very hard for him to stop. If you want to chat more by PM, just send me a note.

Good luck - hang in there!!

[bistro]

Horseylover, thanks so much for the offer! I have not been on for a while. Luckily, I was busy with other things. Not so luckily, I think I was preggers but had a very early chemical pregnancy. So I have been laying low. In all this time trying, I felt last month like I never have before . . . sleeping 11 hours a day/night, napping, boobs were killing me and terrible cramps 6, 7, and 8 DPO. Got my period about 2 days early. Weird for me. RE said it could have been but there is no way of knowing . . .

Anyhoo - you are right about the habit, but since my posting, he has agreed to cut back till he stops. And that fight actually did bring us a bit closer together. He is now doing a lot of research, talking about his feelings . . . even went the the WOMEN'S center for a better SA!!

So for now, things are good between us thank goodness! All we need is !!

[Believe]

You know, I woke up yesterday and thought enough is enough already. I turn 32 on Friday, and realized that I totally missed the last three years of my life obsessing about getting pregnant. I honestly can not tell you one thing I did in the last three years, besides be depressed about not being a mommy. That is three years that I will NEVER get back. My poor husband! He has been nothing but supportive, and here I took away the last three years of his life too. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and enjoy MY life (with or without a baby). Because if I keep this up any longer, I will not only be depressed about not being a mommy, but I will be depressed because my husband would have left me (understandably). So, as of today, I am done obsessing about babies and plan on enjoying my life just the way it is. In the meantime, we will continue saving for adoption. I will be a mommy one day!