[hhudson27]

We have been married for a year and a half but together for four. He was married before and helped raise his first wives three children from her previous marriage. He told me he really wanted his own child and of course I was on the same page. When we got married I stopped taking my pill and we have been trying to conceive naturally since then. After a year when we weren't preganant we decided to see a specialist. It was his idea actually. Well after all of the tests they determined that it's just the "unexplained infertility". That we were both fine. So we moved on the insemination. I took Clomid, HCG shot and then ultrasound to see how many mature follicles. 1st month I only had one follicle, 2nd month I had 3 but still not pregnant. Dr. told me we could try this method one more month but I have put it off. It's been two months since and we have just tried on our own again. I was too stressed. When we tried on our own last year I would purchase ovulation kits and let my husband know when was a good time. There were several months back then that he would start a fight with me about when we should have s## and how many times. So because we were fighting we just let that cycle fly out the window. Now it seems were back to that! Last month we tried every other day during my ovulation cycle. This month we discussed trying something different- having s## every day during that week. He agreed! So we did for 3 days and on the 4th day he made a very hurtful comment to me right as he was initiating s##. So needless to say I was not in the mood but we did anyway. The next day he had a long day at work and asked if we could just take a raincheck until the morning. I reluctantly agreed. So this morning we woke up and as I am initiating s## he says "I hate s##". Well that was it for me! He said he didn't mean it that way, just that he needs a break. He's 42 and I'm 33 and he has had a long, tiring week at work. I understand that he is tired from his physical job but I am tired also- plus I feel that I have to harbor most of the stress when it comes to getting pregnant and he doesn't. But I will make the sacrifises that he doesn't seem to want to make. So do I just assume that deep down he doesn't really want to do this? He attends every appointment with me and has been very supportive in that way but when it comes to trying on our own during the ovulation cycle he becomes mean and hurtful. What should I do? I am totally crushed right now and so hurt!

[cathie]

Originally Posted by hhudson27

We have been married for a year and a half but together for four. He was married before and helped raise his first wives three children from her previous marriage. He told me he really wanted his own child and of course I was on the same page. When we got married I stopped taking my pill and we have been trying to conceive naturally since then. After a year when we weren't preganant we decided to see a specialist. It was his idea actually. Well after all of the tests they determined that it's just the "unexplained infertility". That we were both fine. So we moved on the insemination. I took Clomid, HCG shot and then ultrasound to see how many mature follicles. 1st month I only had one follicle, 2nd month I had 3 but still not pregnant. Dr. told me we could try this method one more month but I have put it off. It's been two months since and we have just tried on our own again. I was too stressed. When we tried on our own last year I would purchase ovulation kits and let my husband know when was a good time. There were several months back then that he would start a fight with me about when we should have s## and how many times. So because we were fighting we just let that cycle fly out the window. Now it seems were back to that! Last month we tried every other day during my ovulation cycle. This month we discussed trying something different- having s## every day during that week. He agreed! So we did for 3 days and on the 4th day he made a very hurtful comment to me right as he was initiating s##. So needless to say I was not in the mood but we did anyway. The next day he had a long day at work and asked if we could just take a raincheck until the morning. I reluctantly agreed. So this morning we woke up and as I am initiating s## he says "I hate s##". Well that was it for me! He said he didn't mean it that way, just that he needs a break. He's 42 and I'm 33 and he has had a long, tiring week at work. I understand that he is tired from his physical job but I am tired also- plus I feel that I have to harbor most of the stress when it comes to getting pregnant and he doesn't. But I will make the sacrifises that he doesn't seem to want to make. So do I just assume that deep down he doesn't really want to do this? He attends every appointment with me and has been very supportive in that way but when it comes to trying on our own during the ovulation cycle he becomes mean and hurtful. What should I do? I am totally crushed right now and so hurt!

Hangg in there ! men don't like to be on the clock so to say ! I know when I was on clomid I had a chart and tep in one hand and a OPT in the other and well I went through the same thing as you ! what I found out was stop telling him that you OPT was neg and then pos just move in and do a little forplay cuddle make a romantic diner ect. It worked for him not getting so upset ! I hope this helps a little men just handle thing different that us ! Hang in there !

[Cathi025]

Hudson

1st of all ...infertility is never easy...I remember back when we were using Clomid and doing "scheduled" S**...It really can take all of the "fun" out of love making. What I did was, I never made a big deal about it. I never told him when The actual days were that I "needed" to have intercourse. I just tried to keep it fresh...not scheduled. When you schedule it , men feel to much pressure to Preform..Maybe taking a vacation or just a break from scheduled sex would spice things up again...Good luck to you....

[kblythe]

You poor girl. Yes, it is stressful. And although you feel that you are shouldering the bulk of the stress, it sounds like your dh is feeling it, too. I don't think men, as a general rule, are as good at coping with stress as women and I think sometimes it comes out as anger. But from what I've read, it doesn't sound like he has lost interest in having a baby. It just sounds like he's just buckling a bit under the strain.

Chin up, and hopefully you'll be pregnant soon.

k.

[ashxl]

Sorry to hear you missed your chances for conception during your ovulatution. My sister is also ttc and this sounds alot like her. All I can say is that he probably sounds like he is being used a lot. He probably feels like it is routine and there is just no excitment in it anymore because it is so routine. You should try not to pressure him so much, men are very different from us and I do believe this is stressing him out.

[fossie]

FWIW, one thing I heard numerous times from my doctors and others was that scheduled sex actually had less of a success rate than just trying to make sure that you have sex three to four times a week and then you don't have to worry about timing. I know that is so hard and I honestly didn't do well on that but the research on having sex according to ovulation prediction is pretty surprising and they even tried to correlate it with why people sometimes get pregnant suddenly when they stop trying or move on to adoption, etc. - because it is just too much stress and pressure to try to make sure that those special days each month are perfect. I agree that if it isn't feasible to just have sex regularly than maybe schedule a vacation and see what happens!