[Soki]

If your spouse seems reluctant to grab hold of the infertility discussions it may truly be that he's not interested, but more often than not, he doesn't feel he fits in. You're the one going to all the appointments, getting shots, making fertility an issue many times over what your husband is required to do simply because you are more involved in the tests. He may be in just as much agony as you, but not able to communicate it.

Right off and at scheduled intervals (so it isn't a surprise do DH) it may be a good idea to establish your fertility goals together. Those goals can change over time and with the results of each test, so together, discuss the following:

-Do both of us want to be parents? or are we giving in to have grandchildren for our parents?

-Is it more important for us to be pregnant or to be parents?

-Just how much are we willing to put into treatments? Time? Money? Socially? Maritally?

-Is our doctor treating us right? Should we switch?

-Do we need a break from treatments?

-Are living child-free or adoption options for us?

By having a set of questions that your mate is prepared for, he may be better able to communicate what he is feeling as well as giving the "team" a chance to regroup every once in a while without making them big issues out of the blue.

What other talking points have you had with your spouse? How did he react?