[Soki]

If your spouse seems reluctant to grab hold of the infertility discussions it may truly be that he's not interested, but more often than not, he doesn't feel he fits in. You're the one going to all the appointments, getting shots, making fertility an issue many times over what your husband is required to do simply because you are more involved in the tests. He may be in just as much agony as you, but not able to communicate it.

Right off and at scheduled intervals (so it isn't a surprise do DH) it may be a good idea to establish your fertility goals together. Those goals can change over time and with the results of each test, so together, discuss the following:

-Do both of us want to be parents? or are we giving in to have grandchildren for our parents?

-Is it more important for us to be pregnant or to be parents?

-Just how much are we willing to put into treatments? Time? Money? Socially? Maritally?

-Is our doctor treating us right? Should we switch?

-Do we need a break from treatments?

-Are living child-free or adoption options for us?

By having a set of questions that your mate is prepared for, he may be better able to communicate what he is feeling as well as giving the "team" a chance to regroup every once in a while without making them big issues out of the blue.

What other talking points have you had with your spouse? How did he react?

[230111]

Hi..I am new to this forum..I'd love some advice..

In December 2008 after TTC for 3 years, I finally convinced DH to have a sperm analysis. We found out he has extremely low count, low morph, and low motility. In January DH went to urologist and was told it would be impossible for us to conceive naturally...ICSI was the only solution. DH was devastated and felt completely guilty, worthless and responsible for our infertility problem. After talking, arguing, crying about it all he told me that he wanted to move forward with IVF and fight this thing together....

Well two months have passed and he has yet to finish his tests. I had to beg him to go for his first round of exams and we got into a huge argument. He said he needed sometime and would go when he was ready. I told him I didn't want to be a nag and that I wasn't going to bring up the issue again. Finally he went for the first round of exams...that was a month ago. He still has blood work and another sperm test that need to be done.. It is not helping our relationship that he won't talk about it and it is all I think about, but I can't keep nagging him about this process that I guess is not his priority. I want so badly for him to finish his exams so I can get started with treatment but he is not on the same page and I don't know what to do. Can someone give me some advice?

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TTC 3 years
me - 35 no problems
DH - 37 very low count, low morph, low motility