[Palenaki]

My husband would prefer not to discuss fertility and pregnancy. I get the impression that he would rather it just happen, without discussion or planning, so we can move one with our lives. Unfortunately, that’s not the way infertility is working out.

How can I get my spouse to open up to me and talk about our infertility? What worked for you?

I’d love any insight.

I'm in the same position my husband wont discuss our situation either. Before we had tests done he was constantly talking about wanting children but wouldn't get motivated to try and find out why nothing was happening. His motivation came when I was reunited with my bson last year particularly as he wanted to know why I hadn't had any more children.

Once we started having tests done my husband started clamming up which was frustrating for me as I found it stressful having tests done so wanted to talk about it. We know the cause of why I haven't conceived although there is a chance it could still happen without medical intervention. Now all I get out of my husband is that it will happen in God's time not ours and he is convinced I will still get pregnant. My son talks about our situation more than he does which is sweet of him but he's not the one I should be talking to about this.

I am also open to good suggestions on how to get my husband having a proper discussion.

Philippa

[TMorris]

I certainly can't claim mastery of this very common problem. That said, sometimes just knowing that your situation is very much like so many others' can be a bit of relief. However, I look at this way -- just as we so often tout preventive health measures for our physical well-being, so should we take advantage of mental health professionals before problems reach a crisis stage.

I feel so strongly about this, from both personal and professional perspectives, that I frankly state my opinion that there is not one single soul in the known universe who can't benefit from pro counseling.

There are so, so many issues that the typical marriage must face and get through or around or over or accept. Infertility is by far one of the toughest. Nearly anyone would express the belief that professional counseling would benefit other scenarios of marital conflict -- for example, one or both partners engaging in deceitful behavior, one or both having substance abuse issues, etc. But few jump at the opportunities that literally abound now to talk about the family-building struggle with someone who can not only be truly 'in the middle' but who has been trained to know how to guide couples through the roughest waters.

In all situations of personal and family conflict, in my opinion, there is simply no adequate substitute for qualified professional assistance. Better now than later, when it could be too late.

[12hope]

This may sound totally non P.C. (politically correct), but I have found, over and over again, that men and women are very differnt. They are ESPECIALLY dfferent in how they deal with stress. And what could be more stressful than fearing you are forever infertile? A woman, often, needs to talk. Not necessarily so with a man.
My advice; find friends, relatives, online buds who can help you talk out a lot of your fears. And then, when you do talk to your hubby about the whole pg thing, you don't have a zillion things to say, just a few key points.
So often, with us gals, we don't really know what we think until we say it. And say it. And say it.
Am I making sense? Love Hope

[Soki]

Hope, I don't know who wouldn't look at their husband and think it's un PC to point out they are nearly different creatures sometimes!!

You make an excelent point about talking about the nitty gritty with girlfriends and doctors then coming back to our mates with the bullet points. I've noticed with my husband that if I spend too long on a subject he's not already a pro at, he'll glaze over and start picking at something. It goes much better if I can just give him the "thesis" and over the course of even a few days, give him more information and eventually there's a great conversation. That way he feels informed and has had time to absorb things he maybe wasn't interested in.

Also, I'm a firm believer of subliminal messages while he sleeps.... kidding