[extravagant]

I simply don't know what to do now, ladies. I know that to some extent that this in directly related to our infertility and partially to stress on my DH because I'm not working and the job he has (same I had) is extremly stressful and causes constant worries about "bringing home the bacon" not to mention that I'm home with my 5 year old who has behavioural problems.

Lately we've been at each others throats so much! As an example, tonight when I picked DH up from work he was in a good mood but almost the second we walked through the door he was on my case about everything from admonishing my son for sucking his thumb ("Let it go, he got the point!") to posing a theory about Star Wars, which, I add, I wasn't really interrupting. We DID watch it Tuesday night and neither wanted to get into it tonight. It was for the boy. He's always saying to stop responding to comments he makes. "Can't you just let it go sometimes?" he says. Even when I was trying to help find the keys he got upset and said to just sit down with DS(dear son, for those unaware)! Nevermind that we'd watched that part of the movie earlier.

I'm not saying I don't get irritated as well. I do. But usually not over things like this. I may. I mean, we never see our own faults, do we? He doesn't believe that what he says should be as hurtful as it can be anymore than I do.

He finally said what his problem was; "Well, I thought you'd at LEAST have gotten something done in the house today. Ooh, SO sorry that I've had a terrible MIGRAINE w/vomiting (sorry, TMI) since last night that required a Dr call. Then he had the nerve to say "Oh, so that's why you're being irritational. You've taken meds. Well, yeah, I took some Imitrex(RE said ok if we're sure I'm not pg, which I'm sure I'm not...). Hmm, last I knew,Imitrex wasn't narcotic and did NOT cause loopiness!! Never has with people I've known....
And he's upset that I bought myself a computer game after we discovered the one he got me requires an online subscription(paid) that we can't do and the store assured me that once I got the receipt that I could return it. God forbid.

Now, please don't say this is abusive and I should run, I promise it isn't and I've been there so I'm familiar with what that's truly like. Even emotional abuse. It's just everything getting to us! We're already looking into counseling if we can but we have no INS right now and the county services are NOT an option. Doctors, esp mental heath, are crooks with what they charge here! But we're looking into a "Marriage encounter"

Can anyone offer any suggestions as to what else I can do to help repair this? I'm so depressed as it is and I lost it when he goes off on me We're newley married (but been together almost 2 years) and I love him so very, very much. I know were not headed for divorce court but I can't stand for us to argue like this. Please help if you can.

Thanks!

[eternal]

Dear Extrav-
Actually, it sounds like you're going through some of the normal adjustments couples have early in their marriage. It's usual to be down each other's throat :-). I've done marriage encounter, but it's not really designed to help couples in crisis. It seems to work best with couples who've been together for several years and are just not communicating as much any more, rather than resolving issues.

I would look into a few couseling sessions of some sort. Many, many therapists charge according to your income, so it doesn't have to be too expensive.

As far as your different parenting styles, maybe you could enroll in a low cost class for blended families or parents of BD kids? I'm not sure our husband understands how important consistancy is in dealing with behavioral disorders. If he's a first-time parent, the sudden adjustment can be brutal. Parenting is truly a skill that has to be aquired -- we aren't born knowing.

Also, it's easy to forget the things that brought you together in the first place. Be sure to schedule regular quality 'adult' time together.